— olyckan, Tankar —

Avslagen, nedslagen, utslagen

2014-09-10

Något känns fel.
Något ÄR fel.
Kroppen strejkar.
Huvudet värker.
Hjärtat bankar.
Och alla dessa tankar…
De bara frodas.
Längtat hem har jag.
Hört sängen kalla.
Sömnen. Natten.
Så ljuvligt nära nu!
Avtrubbad, småsjuklig, avslagen, nedslagen, utslagen, rätt lidande och faktiskt även lite otippat bitter ligger jag här och vältrar mig i halvdan självömkan i sängen. Sängen som under sjukdomstiden blev mitt pax snarare än ett fängelse.
Min fristad.
Jävla knutor som ömmar.
Har gjort sedan igår.
Jävla huvud som värker
Som sju svåra år
Ett sammanträffande kan man hoppas. Influensa, kanske? Och är det inte det, så är det biverkning från medicinen som jag kanske inte behöver för en åkomma som jag kanske inte har, men som jag kanske belönats med ändå.
Som en försökskanin, lite grann?
Ja.
Så känns det.
För man vet inte riktigt vad och varför.
Än.
Och jag vet inte heller.
Nu.
Jag vet bara, instinktivt, att något är fel just, precis nu.
Fan då!
Jag har väl tuggat i mig min beskärda del av olycka och sjukdom? Det tycker jag. Eller det kanske är karma som biter mig i röven för allt otyg jag ställt till med genom livet?
Fan vet.
Och han är inte här.
Fan, alltså.
Förlåt min lätt syrliga eftersmak, men den här hårda karamellen är bara jävligt svår att svälja. Du ska se att imorgon visar det sig att jag är förkyld och bara sjåpat mig! 😳😊 Så väljer jag att tänka nu när jag ligger tryggt nedbäddad under vita lena, rena lakan och låter sömnen vagga tag i min sorgliga själ…
Sakta flyter vi bort, jag och mitt medvetande…
På väg mot en ny och bättre dag.
❤️
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