Tack till er alla släktingar, kollegor, vänner och bekanta som gång på gång tillskriver mig epitetet modig. Tack till er som kallar mig stark. Och tuff!
Tyvärr är jag inget av det.
Jag råkar bara vara tvungen att härda ut i den mån det går eftersom det inte finns något alternativ. Hade det funnits det, så hade jag varit den första att ta den enkla vägen bort! 😃
Förutom att jag uppenbarligen är dålig på att cykla ordentligt, så är jag nämligen även en riktig jäkla smärtmes. Jag HATAR smärta. Jag har alltid hatat smärta. Och jag kommer säkert alltid att göra det. Vissa (min svägerska till exempel) har – till skillnad från mig – världens högsta smärttröskel! Föda barn var en baggis för henne, medan att slå tån i en sten är rena döden för mig.
Eller få massage!
Fy.
Det är en plåga bara det.
Ont ont ont.
Jag är alltså direkt fel människa att drabbas av omfattande käk-, och tandskador med tanke på min smärtgräns (typ obefintlig) och förmåga att härda ut (typ ingen).
Smärta är i allra högsta grad en subjektiv förnimmelse, vilket förklarar varför jag räds och piper över saker som ni andra med enkelhet skakar av er. 😉 Smärtforskningen visar att kvinnor ofta har lägre smärttröskel än män och att upplevelsen av smärta även kan vara genetiskt betingat. Dessutom kan könsbundna faktorer som PMS och liknande påverka upplevelsen av smärta. Jag är alltså ultrakvinnlig nu då, helt plötsligt!
Intressant.
För ont gör det.
Kanske mest i själen.
Inatt har jag försökt somna länge, men det vill sig liksom inte. Det gör lite lightont efter dagens äckliga ingrepp men det är inget som Kung Tramadol inte kan råda bot på! Jag tror att min smärta sitter i psyket helt enkelt. Det söker mig att veta vad som hände idag, med skalpeller, borrar och steril uppdukning av OP-bricka. Det skrämmer mig vad som komma skall. Och det värker rent fysiskt när jag tänker på det!
Dilemmat är nog att jag ”råkat” läsa VÄLDIGT mycket om implantat, allt från tillvägagångssätt och operationsprocess till komplikationer. Inget av det var någon trevlig läsning. Jag förstår inte vad det är för fel på Hänt Extra!!? Det är ju mycket mer underhållande än att skapa ännu fler hjärnspöken för sig själv, eller hur? Men nejdå. 😬
Oro och rädsla välkomnades in.
Nä, vet du vad?
Nu ska jag låta bli att tänka!
Jag ska sluta med mina katastroftankar om att vissa personers käkben faktiskt stöter bort titanskruvar. Att somliga drabbas av segdragna infektioner av operationen.
Att nåt kommer att gå fel.
För det kommer det INTE!
Eller hur?
Precis! 😃
Men min inställning har inget med tuffhet, mod eller styrka att göra, tyvärr, utan jag pratar om ren jävla mental överlevnad. Jag har helt enkelt bestämt mig för att inte bli knäckt (mer än i käken!) av den här jäkla olycka. Återigen handlar det om acceptans. Att acceptera vad jag ändå inte kan påverka. Och jag accepterar det. Fast jag tycker fortfarande inte om det.
Så tack och godnatt, Oro och Rädsla, ni fula, otäcka Hjärnspöken!
Varmt välkomna in i mitt liv, ni två söta små nya titanskruvar som nu mer är en del av mig, smärta eller ej, och vare sig jag vill eller inte! ❤️
Nu är vi för alltid förenade, ’til death do us part. 😏
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