— Livet, olyckan —

Den inre diskrepansen

2014-10-11

Oftast består vi människor av en helhet. En helhet där kropp och själ samspelar i den bästa av världar. Allt är rätt skönt och behagligt då, när vi existerar i någon form av samförstånd med oss själva…
Men ibland uppstår en viss diskrepans; ett glapp mellan hjärna och hjärta.
Mellan kropp och själ.
Mellan logik och känsla.
En störande glipa som kan ställa till det, även för den bästa av människor.
(Och då menar jag nödvändigtvis inte mig själv. 😝)
Just ikväll är det en sådan kväll för mig.
Vare sig dyster eller yster är jag, utan snarare någonstans i den grå sörjan alldeles där i mitten. En nyansernas natt, kanske man kan säga? En natt där jag är trött och rätt less på samma gång som jag logiskt sett förstår att jag har det fint. Där tankarna spinner loss samtidigt som känslorna pendlar mellan plus och minus. Det är en natt när det gnager och stör inuti och det kryper myror i benen mina, där jag ligger omsorgsfullt nedbäddad av mig själv under täcket i den långsamma väntan på att bli bortsvept av nattens sköna drömmar…
Idag var det en rätt bra dag. Min käre tandläkare Ulf med skäggflätan berättade återigen att han tycker jag hanterar allt så himla bra. Att jag är superduktig som står ut med allt!
”Tack”, svarade jag, ”men det är verkligen ingen bravad. Jag hade aldrig nånsin gjort det om jag inte var tvungen”.
”Jaså?” sa han, nästan förvånat.
Och så förklarade jag hur jag tänker.
Att lite så är det nog med mycket vi gör här i livet, oavsett om man varit med om en maffig olycka eller om man stöter på patrull på annat vis.
Vad gör man då?
Jo.
Man hanterar det.
Man hanterar det på bästa vis, utifrån de förutsättningar man har.
Det handlar om acceptans, helt enkelt.
Att livet inte blir som vi tänkt oss ibland – och det får vi helt enkelt leva med. De som kämpar emot är också de som lider mest av motgångarna. Själv har jag valt att flyta med. Göra det så bekvämt som möjligt för mig själv i de obekvämaste av situationer.
Anpassning, antar jag.
Men ikväll har jag en antianpassnings-moment deluxe! Hjärtat och hjärnan vill inte alls samarbeta och jag är benägen att skita i att lösa det smidigt. 😁 Jag vet att det händer när jag tillåter mig att påverkas av negativa händelser som får mig att tänka arga, bittra eller besvikna tankar – och fastän jag vet att det är dumt, är det uppenbarligen där jag hamnat en kväll som denna.
En fredag och allt!
Min favoritdag. 😳
Fan. Vad. Irriterande.
NÄÄ alltså!
Jag väljer att kasta in handduken för idag och tänker att morgondagen ska bära lycka med sig.
Japp.
Imorgon ska jag vakna glad och positiv, och fylld av energi!
SÅDETSÅ. ☀️❤️
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