— Livet, Livsfilosofi, Tankar —

Fjorton år av död efter ett vackert liv

2018-09-20

20 september 2004.
Vädermässigt var den 20 september 2014 en vacker dag med sensommarsol, blå himmel och hög klar luft, som jag minns det. Jag vaknade dagen gråtandes, precis som alla andra dagar vid den tiden, och skulle avsluta den likadant. Fast värre. Strax innan midnatt samma kväll kom denna speciella dag nämligen att instifta de mest oönskade och paradoxala känslor jag någon gång känt i min kropp samtidigt:
befrielse och lättnad
trängdes med
bottenlös sorg och avgrundsstor saknad på en och samma gång.
Det fanns ett sjudande virrvarr av totalt okontrollerbara känslor att hantera, tillsammans med vetskapen om att inget någonsin skulle bli som förr.
Jag var förstörd.
Nedslagen.
Förintad.
Och samtidigt ändå lättad över att alla dessa segdragna minuter, timmar, dagar, veckor och månader äntligen var över.
Att lidandet var slut.
Fast det var en halvsanning.
En persons lidande tog slut den natten, medan andra personers lidande tog vid.
Så är livet överlag, egentligen.
Brutalt och jävligt i sin natur, med en säker utgång på lur:
Döden.
life death
Cancer och andra liknande sjukdomar gör en annan sak med människor, dessutom.
Förstör.
Inuti och utanpå.
Hos alla inblandade.
Det ställer till det i känslolivet till den grad att man som medlevande och efterlevande ibland ser sin älskades stundande eller faktiska död som en befrielse, samtidigt som döden inte är något annat än den ofrånkomliga, slutgiltiga utgång som skrämmer ihjäl oss och slukar den sista strimma hopp som bitit sig kvar.
Det är när hoppet försvinner som en bit av oss dör.
Så funkar vi människor.
Kort och gott.
Min pappa blev reducerad från glad, livsbejakande människa till sjuk, orkeslös cancerpatient till inget mer än ett torrt dött vitt skinn runt sprött skelett på mindre än nio månader. Ungefär lika länge hade jag precis burit min son. Han hann bli nästan fyra månader när min pappas kropp gav upp för gott. Runt pappas sjuksäng på Hospis osade ett stinkande, svart, sjukt moln av dödsångest och fysiskt lidande av en grad som jag än idag inte riktigt kan ta in.
Hur mycket kan en människa egentligen tåla?
Just idag för fjorton år sedan slapp han åtminstone lida mer.
Fjorton år av död men dessförinnan sjuttio år av liv.
Jag tror jag vet varför vi människor är så rädda för döden.
Det är för att den är sann, oundviklig och omöjlig att förutse när den dyker upp.
Det finns ingen chans att komma undan.
Inget pax, inget slippa-ut-ur-fängelse-kort.
Ingen frisedel, ingen chans att ducka.
Bara en enkelbiljett bort från den här världen.
Och vart?
Det är det ingen som vet.
Det är den där jäkla ovissheten!
Skrämmande obehagligt, i människans värld. Fast a t t den kommer vet vi ju, det kan vi alls vara helt säkra på.
Jag påstår ofta att jag inte är rädd för Döden.
Det är jag inte heller – så länge den infaller när jag levt ett rikt liv och jag är riktigt gammal, skröplig, nöjd och trött.
När jag gjort allt jag ska.
Sagt allt jag vill.
Rest dit jag velat.
Njutit av var dag.
Fast det finns det förstås inga garantier för att jag får göra.
Kanske väntar inte Döden tills jag är klar?
Vem vet.
Allt vi vet är vad vi har, och det vi har är här och nu.
Så lev.
Lev idag och lev rikligt!
För vem vet när sanden i ditt timglas har runnit ut?
twain

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11 429 reaktioner på ”Fjorton år av död efter ett vackert liv”

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    Hey everyone! I’ve recently started incorporating Ceylon cinnamon into my daily routine, and I’m loving the results so far. I used to use regular cinnamon without really thinking about it, but after reading up on the differences between Ceylon cinnamon (also known as ”true cinnamon”) and the more common Cassia variety, I decided to make the switch.

    One of the first things I noticed was the flavor—it’s a lot milder and sweeter than the Cassia cinnamon, which makes it perfect for baking, smoothies, or even just sprinkling on oatmeal. I’ve been using Ceylon cinnamon powder regularly, but I also keep Ceylon cinnamon sticks on hand for brewing teas and spicing up dishes. It adds a subtle but really pleasant flavor, without the strong bite you sometimes get from other cinnamons.

    Beyond the taste, I made the switch because of the health benefits. Ceylon cinnamon has significantly less coumarin than Cassia cinnamon, which makes it a much better option for long-term use, especially if you’re taking it in supplement form. I’ve been using Ceylon cinnamon supplements to help with blood sugar management and inflammation, and I’ve definitely noticed improvements in my energy levels and digestion.

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    One of the first things I noticed was the flavor—it’s a lot milder and sweeter than the Cassia cinnamon, which makes it perfect for baking, smoothies, or even just sprinkling on oatmeal. I’ve been using Ceylon cinnamon powder regularly, but I also keep Ceylon cinnamon sticks on hand for brewing teas and spicing up dishes. It adds a subtle but really pleasant flavor, without the strong bite you sometimes get from other cinnamons.

    Beyond the taste, I made the switch because of the health benefits. Ceylon cinnamon has significantly less coumarin than Cassia cinnamon, which makes it a much better option for long-term use, especially if you’re taking it in supplement form. I’ve been using Ceylon cinnamon supplements to help with blood sugar management and inflammation, and I’ve definitely noticed improvements in my energy levels and digestion.

    If you’re into natural products, I highly recommend giving Ceylon cinnamon products a try. Whether it’s the powder, sticks, or supplements, it’s such an easy way to add flavor to your meals and support your overall health at the same time. Plus, the fact that it’s lower in coumarin makes it a much safer option if you’re using it daily like I am. Has anyone else here made the switch to Ceylon cinnamon? I’d love to hear how you’re using it in your routine!

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    One of the first things I noticed was the flavor—it’s a lot milder and sweeter than the Cassia cinnamon, which makes it perfect for baking, smoothies, or even just sprinkling on oatmeal. I’ve been using Ceylon cinnamon powder regularly, but I also keep Ceylon cinnamon sticks on hand for brewing teas and spicing up dishes. It adds a subtle but really pleasant flavor, without the strong bite you sometimes get from other cinnamons.

    Beyond the taste, I made the switch because of the health benefits. Ceylon cinnamon has significantly less coumarin than Cassia cinnamon, which makes it a much better option for long-term use, especially if you’re taking it in supplement form. I’ve been using Ceylon cinnamon supplements to help with blood sugar management and inflammation, and I’ve definitely noticed improvements in my energy levels and digestion.

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    One of the first things I noticed was the flavor—it’s a lot milder and sweeter than the Cassia cinnamon, which makes it perfect for baking, smoothies, or even just sprinkling on oatmeal. I’ve been using Ceylon cinnamon powder regularly, but I also keep Ceylon cinnamon sticks on hand for brewing teas and spicing up dishes. It adds a subtle but really pleasant flavor, without the strong bite you sometimes get from other cinnamons.

    Beyond the taste, I made the switch because of the health benefits. Ceylon cinnamon has significantly less coumarin than Cassia cinnamon, which makes it a much better option for long-term use, especially if you’re taking it in supplement form. I’ve been using Ceylon cinnamon supplements to help with blood sugar management and inflammation, and I’ve definitely noticed improvements in my energy levels and digestion.

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    One of the first things I noticed was the flavor—it’s a lot milder and sweeter than the Cassia cinnamon, which makes it perfect for baking, smoothies, or even just sprinkling on oatmeal. I’ve been using Ceylon cinnamon powder regularly, but I also keep Ceylon cinnamon sticks on hand for brewing teas and spicing up dishes. It adds a subtle but really pleasant flavor, without the strong bite you sometimes get from other cinnamons.

    Beyond the taste, I made the switch because of the health benefits. Ceylon cinnamon has significantly less coumarin than Cassia cinnamon, which makes it a much better option for long-term use, especially if you’re taking it in supplement form. I’ve been using Ceylon cinnamon supplements to help with blood sugar management and inflammation, and I’ve definitely noticed improvements in my energy levels and digestion.

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