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Fjorton år av död efter ett vackert liv

2018-09-20

20 september 2004.
Vädermässigt var den 20 september 2014 en vacker dag med sensommarsol, blå himmel och hög klar luft, som jag minns det. Jag vaknade dagen gråtandes, precis som alla andra dagar vid den tiden, och skulle avsluta den likadant. Fast värre. Strax innan midnatt samma kväll kom denna speciella dag nämligen att instifta de mest oönskade och paradoxala känslor jag någon gång känt i min kropp samtidigt:
befrielse och lättnad
trängdes med
bottenlös sorg och avgrundsstor saknad på en och samma gång.
Det fanns ett sjudande virrvarr av totalt okontrollerbara känslor att hantera, tillsammans med vetskapen om att inget någonsin skulle bli som förr.
Jag var förstörd.
Nedslagen.
Förintad.
Och samtidigt ändå lättad över att alla dessa segdragna minuter, timmar, dagar, veckor och månader äntligen var över.
Att lidandet var slut.
Fast det var en halvsanning.
En persons lidande tog slut den natten, medan andra personers lidande tog vid.
Så är livet överlag, egentligen.
Brutalt och jävligt i sin natur, med en säker utgång på lur:
Döden.
life death
Cancer och andra liknande sjukdomar gör en annan sak med människor, dessutom.
Förstör.
Inuti och utanpå.
Hos alla inblandade.
Det ställer till det i känslolivet till den grad att man som medlevande och efterlevande ibland ser sin älskades stundande eller faktiska död som en befrielse, samtidigt som döden inte är något annat än den ofrånkomliga, slutgiltiga utgång som skrämmer ihjäl oss och slukar den sista strimma hopp som bitit sig kvar.
Det är när hoppet försvinner som en bit av oss dör.
Så funkar vi människor.
Kort och gott.
Min pappa blev reducerad från glad, livsbejakande människa till sjuk, orkeslös cancerpatient till inget mer än ett torrt dött vitt skinn runt sprött skelett på mindre än nio månader. Ungefär lika länge hade jag precis burit min son. Han hann bli nästan fyra månader när min pappas kropp gav upp för gott. Runt pappas sjuksäng på Hospis osade ett stinkande, svart, sjukt moln av dödsångest och fysiskt lidande av en grad som jag än idag inte riktigt kan ta in.
Hur mycket kan en människa egentligen tåla?
Just idag för fjorton år sedan slapp han åtminstone lida mer.
Fjorton år av död men dessförinnan sjuttio år av liv.
Jag tror jag vet varför vi människor är så rädda för döden.
Det är för att den är sann, oundviklig och omöjlig att förutse när den dyker upp.
Det finns ingen chans att komma undan.
Inget pax, inget slippa-ut-ur-fängelse-kort.
Ingen frisedel, ingen chans att ducka.
Bara en enkelbiljett bort från den här världen.
Och vart?
Det är det ingen som vet.
Det är den där jäkla ovissheten!
Skrämmande obehagligt, i människans värld. Fast a t t den kommer vet vi ju, det kan vi alls vara helt säkra på.
Jag påstår ofta att jag inte är rädd för Döden.
Det är jag inte heller – så länge den infaller när jag levt ett rikt liv och jag är riktigt gammal, skröplig, nöjd och trött.
När jag gjort allt jag ska.
Sagt allt jag vill.
Rest dit jag velat.
Njutit av var dag.
Fast det finns det förstås inga garantier för att jag får göra.
Kanske väntar inte Döden tills jag är klar?
Vem vet.
Allt vi vet är vad vi har, och det vi har är här och nu.
Så lev.
Lev idag och lev rikligt!
För vem vet när sanden i ditt timglas har runnit ut?
twain

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11 429 reaktioner på ”Fjorton år av död efter ett vackert liv”

  1. Застройщик жк резиденция лайф сэкономил на всем, низкое качество. Не рекомендую иметь дело с группой компаний паритет девелопмент. Звоните все расскажу: @dontcheatpeople – телеграмм.

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    Hey everyone! I’ve recently started incorporating Ceylon cinnamon into my daily routine, and I’m loving the results so far. I used to use regular cinnamon without really thinking about it, but after reading up on the differences between Ceylon cinnamon (also known as ”true cinnamon”) and the more common Cassia variety, I decided to make the switch.

    One of the first things I noticed was the flavor—it’s a lot milder and sweeter than the Cassia cinnamon, which makes it perfect for baking, smoothies, or even just sprinkling on oatmeal. I’ve been using Ceylon cinnamon powder regularly, but I also keep Ceylon cinnamon sticks on hand for brewing teas and spicing up dishes. It adds a subtle but really pleasant flavor, without the strong bite you sometimes get from other cinnamons.

    Beyond the taste, I made the switch because of the health benefits. Ceylon cinnamon has significantly less coumarin than Cassia cinnamon, which makes it a much better option for long-term use, especially if you’re taking it in supplement form. I’ve been using Ceylon cinnamon supplements to help with blood sugar management and inflammation, and I’ve definitely noticed improvements in my energy levels and digestion.

    If you’re into natural products, I highly recommend giving Ceylon cinnamon products a try. Whether it’s the powder, sticks, or supplements, it’s such an easy way to add flavor to your meals and support your overall health at the same time. Plus, the fact that it’s lower in coumarin makes it a much safer option if you’re using it daily like I am. Has anyone else here made the switch to Ceylon cinnamon? I’d love to hear how you’re using it in your routine!

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    Hey everyone! I’ve recently started incorporating Ceylon cinnamon into my daily routine, and I’m loving the results so far. I used to use regular cinnamon without really thinking about it, but after reading up on the differences between Ceylon cinnamon (also known as ”true cinnamon”) and the more common Cassia variety, I decided to make the switch.

    One of the first things I noticed was the flavor—it’s a lot milder and sweeter than the Cassia cinnamon, which makes it perfect for baking, smoothies, or even just sprinkling on oatmeal. I’ve been using Ceylon cinnamon powder regularly, but I also keep Ceylon cinnamon sticks on hand for brewing teas and spicing up dishes. It adds a subtle but really pleasant flavor, without the strong bite you sometimes get from other cinnamons.

    Beyond the taste, I made the switch because of the health benefits. Ceylon cinnamon has significantly less coumarin than Cassia cinnamon, which makes it a much better option for long-term use, especially if you’re taking it in supplement form. I’ve been using Ceylon cinnamon supplements to help with blood sugar management and inflammation, and I’ve definitely noticed improvements in my energy levels and digestion.

    If you’re into natural products, I highly recommend giving Ceylon cinnamon products a try. Whether it’s the powder, sticks, or supplements, it’s such an easy way to add flavor to your meals and support your overall health at the same time. Plus, the fact that it’s lower in coumarin makes it a much safer option if you’re using it daily like I am. Has anyone else here made the switch to Ceylon cinnamon? I’d love to hear how you’re using it in your routine!

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    When many of us hear the “Fall Classic,” we automatically think of baseball’s World Series. I’m not sure that will be the case for future generations.

    Yes, I’m being somewhat provocative with that line, but the WNBA Finals have arrived on the heels of what can only be described as a historic season for the league. Across a metric of statistics, it’s clear that America’s interest in the WNBA is at the highest point this century in large part because of Indiana Fever star Caitlin Clark.

    Let’s start simple: Google searches. They’ve been higher this WNBA season, starting with the draft in April, than at any point since we’ve had data (2004). Searches for the WNBA are up over 300% compared to last season, up over 850% compared to five seasons ago, and have risen nearly 1,400% from a decade ago.

    That is, the WNBA has been rising, and this year it really took off.
    This interest has translated into revenue for the league. Attendance is up a staggering 48% from 2023. There wasn’t a single team with an average regular season home attendance of five figures (10,000+) in 2023. This season, there were six.

    Leading the charge was Clark’s Fever. A little more than 4,000 people attended their average game in 2023, which ranked them second to last. This season, more than 17,000 did, a 319% rise that put them far and away ahead of any other WNBA team and ahead of five NBA teams, including the hometown Indiana Pacers.

    We see the same pattern in merchandise. Sales are up 600% from last year. This includes the boost from rookie sensations Clark, who had the best-selling jersey, and Angel Reese of the Chicago Sky, who had the second-best-selling jersey.

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  28. What this high school senior wants adults to know about classroom phone bans
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    When my friends and I walked into homeroom on the first day of school this year, my teacher told all of us to put our phones in a black plastic box on an old desk by the classroom door.

    Handing over our phones during class is an official school policy, and my teachers always make this announcement at the beginning of the school year. But teachers would usually forget about the box by third period on the first day, never to be mentioned again by the second day of school. This year, however, the policy stuck that entire first day — and every day since.
    I asked my Latin teacher why the school was suddenly getting so strict on phones. It turns out that over the summer most of the teachers had read social psychologist Jonathan Haidt’s book “The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness.”

    Haidt, the Thomas Cooley Professor of Ehtical Leadership at New York University Stern School of Business, argues that a phone-based childhood leads to mentally unhealthy kids who are unprepared for life and, in my Latin teacher’s words, it “really freaked us out.” Teachers were serious about taking our phones now.

    It’s not just causing trouble at my school. Some 72% of public high school teachers in the United States say that cell phone distraction among their students is a major problem, according to a study published by the Pew Research Center in April. In high schools that already have cell phone policies, 60% of teachers say that the policies are very or somewhat difficult to enforce, the same study reported.

    Several states have passed laws attempting to restrict cell phone use in schools, and California Gov. Gavin Newsom recently signed legislation requiring school districts to regulate cell phone use. At least seven of the 20 largest school districts in the nation have either banned phones during the school day or plan to do so.

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    Hey everyone! I’ve recently started incorporating Ceylon cinnamon into my daily routine, and I’m loving the results so far. I used to use regular cinnamon without really thinking about it, but after reading up on the differences between Ceylon cinnamon (also known as ”true cinnamon”) and the more common Cassia variety, I decided to make the switch.

    One of the first things I noticed was the flavor—it’s a lot milder and sweeter than the Cassia cinnamon, which makes it perfect for baking, smoothies, or even just sprinkling on oatmeal. I’ve been using Ceylon cinnamon powder regularly, but I also keep Ceylon cinnamon sticks on hand for brewing teas and spicing up dishes. It adds a subtle but really pleasant flavor, without the strong bite you sometimes get from other cinnamons.

    Beyond the taste, I made the switch because of the health benefits. Ceylon cinnamon has significantly less coumarin than Cassia cinnamon, which makes it a much better option for long-term use, especially if you’re taking it in supplement form. I’ve been using Ceylon cinnamon supplements to help with blood sugar management and inflammation, and I’ve definitely noticed improvements in my energy levels and digestion.

    If you’re into natural products, I highly recommend giving Ceylon cinnamon products a try. Whether it’s the powder, sticks, or supplements, it’s such an easy way to add flavor to your meals and support your overall health at the same time. Plus, the fact that it’s lower in coumarin makes it a much safer option if you’re using it daily like I am. Has anyone else here made the switch to Ceylon cinnamon? I’d love to hear how you’re using it in your routine!

  37. https://www.insertbiz.com/listing/druera/

    Hey everyone! I’ve recently started incorporating Ceylon cinnamon into my daily routine, and I’m loving the results so far. I used to use regular cinnamon without really thinking about it, but after reading up on the differences between Ceylon cinnamon (also known as ”true cinnamon”) and the more common Cassia variety, I decided to make the switch.

    One of the first things I noticed was the flavor—it’s a lot milder and sweeter than the Cassia cinnamon, which makes it perfect for baking, smoothies, or even just sprinkling on oatmeal. I’ve been using Ceylon cinnamon powder regularly, but I also keep Ceylon cinnamon sticks on hand for brewing teas and spicing up dishes. It adds a subtle but really pleasant flavor, without the strong bite you sometimes get from other cinnamons.

    Beyond the taste, I made the switch because of the health benefits. Ceylon cinnamon has significantly less coumarin than Cassia cinnamon, which makes it a much better option for long-term use, especially if you’re taking it in supplement form. I’ve been using Ceylon cinnamon supplements to help with blood sugar management and inflammation, and I’ve definitely noticed improvements in my energy levels and digestion.

    If you’re into natural products, I highly recommend giving Ceylon cinnamon products a try. Whether it’s the powder, sticks, or supplements, it’s such an easy way to add flavor to your meals and support your overall health at the same time. Plus, the fact that it’s lower in coumarin makes it a much safer option if you’re using it daily like I am. Has anyone else here made the switch to Ceylon cinnamon? I’d love to hear how you’re using it in your routine!

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