20 september 2004.
Vädermässigt var den 20 september 2014 en vacker dag med sensommarsol, blå himmel och hög klar luft, som jag minns det. Jag vaknade dagen gråtandes, precis som alla andra dagar vid den tiden, och skulle avsluta den likadant. Fast värre. Strax innan midnatt samma kväll kom denna speciella dag nämligen att instifta de mest oönskade och paradoxala känslor jag någon gång känt i min kropp samtidigt:
befrielse och lättnad
trängdes med
bottenlös sorg och avgrundsstor saknad på en och samma gång.
Det fanns ett sjudande virrvarr av totalt okontrollerbara känslor att hantera, tillsammans med vetskapen om att inget någonsin skulle bli som förr.
Jag var förstörd.
Nedslagen.
Förintad.
Och samtidigt ändå lättad över att alla dessa segdragna minuter, timmar, dagar, veckor och månader äntligen var över.
Att lidandet var slut.
Fast det var en halvsanning.
En persons lidande tog slut den natten, medan andra personers lidande tog vid.
Så är livet överlag, egentligen.
Brutalt och jävligt i sin natur, med en säker utgång på lur:
Döden.
Cancer och andra liknande sjukdomar gör en annan sak med människor, dessutom.
Förstör.
Inuti och utanpå.
Hos alla inblandade.
Det ställer till det i känslolivet till den grad att man som medlevande och efterlevande ibland ser sin älskades stundande eller faktiska död som en befrielse, samtidigt som döden inte är något annat än den ofrånkomliga, slutgiltiga utgång som skrämmer ihjäl oss och slukar den sista strimma hopp som bitit sig kvar.
Det är när hoppet försvinner som en bit av oss dör.
Så funkar vi människor.
Kort och gott.
Min pappa blev reducerad från glad, livsbejakande människa till sjuk, orkeslös cancerpatient till inget mer än ett torrt dött vitt skinn runt sprött skelett på mindre än nio månader. Ungefär lika länge hade jag precis burit min son. Han hann bli nästan fyra månader när min pappas kropp gav upp för gott. Runt pappas sjuksäng på Hospis osade ett stinkande, svart, sjukt moln av dödsångest och fysiskt lidande av en grad som jag än idag inte riktigt kan ta in.
Hur mycket kan en människa egentligen tåla?
Just idag för fjorton år sedan slapp han åtminstone lida mer.
Fjorton år av död men dessförinnan sjuttio år av liv.
Jag tror jag vet varför vi människor är så rädda för döden.
Det är för att den är sann, oundviklig och omöjlig att förutse när den dyker upp.
Det finns ingen chans att komma undan.
Inget pax, inget slippa-ut-ur-fängelse-kort.
Ingen frisedel, ingen chans att ducka.
Bara en enkelbiljett bort från den här världen.
Och vart?
Det är det ingen som vet.
Det är den där jäkla ovissheten!
Skrämmande obehagligt, i människans värld. Fast a t t den kommer vet vi ju, det kan vi alls vara helt säkra på.
Jag påstår ofta att jag inte är rädd för Döden.
Det är jag inte heller – så länge den infaller när jag levt ett rikt liv och jag är riktigt gammal, skröplig, nöjd och trött.
När jag gjort allt jag ska.
Sagt allt jag vill.
Rest dit jag velat.
Njutit av var dag.
Fast det finns det förstås inga garantier för att jag får göra.
Kanske väntar inte Döden tills jag är klar?
Vem vet.
Allt vi vet är vad vi har, och det vi har är här och nu.
Så lev.
Lev idag och lev rikligt!
För vem vet när sanden i ditt timglas har runnit ut?
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Ceylon Cinnamon Sticks: Ideal for infusing flavor into teas, stews, and desserts, our Ceylon cinnamon sticks are a must-have for any kitchen. Unlike the more common Cassia cinnamon, Ceylon cinnamon sticks offer a subtler, more refined taste.
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Ceylon Cinnamon Tea Bags: Enjoy the soothing and aromatic experience of Ceylon cinnamon tea. Our tea bags are filled with the finest Ceylon cinnamon, providing a calming and flavorful cup of tea that’s perfect any time of the day.
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Using Ceylon cinnamon powder in your cooking can elevate your meals to new heights. But do you know how to use Ceylon cinnamon powder in your favorite recipes? This versatile spice can be added to both sweet and savory dishes. Sprinkle it on your morning oatmeal, mix it into smoothies, or incorporate it into baked goods for a delicious twist. It’s also fantastic in savory recipes like curries, stews, and the aforementioned pork cutlets.
Apart from its culinary uses, Ceylon cinnamon offers numerous health benefits. Ceylon cinnamon capsules are a convenient way to enjoy these benefits. These supplements are packed with antioxidants and have anti-inflammatory properties. If you’re interested in the advantages, the Ceylon cinnamon capsules can help with blood sugar regulation, improving digestion, and boosting overall health. For those wondering about the benefits, dosage, and where to buy the best supplements, it’s recommended to take a look at reputable online stores that specialize in natural health products. The suggested dosage varies, so always follow the manufacturer’s instructions or consult with a healthcare professional.
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Ceylon Cinnamon Powder: Known for its sweet and delicate flavor, our pure Ceylon cinnamon powder is perfect for baking, cooking, and adding a touch of spice to your favorite beverages. It’s a versatile pantry staple that elevates both sweet and savory dishes.
Ceylon Cinnamon Sticks: Ideal for infusing flavor into teas, stews, and desserts, our Ceylon cinnamon sticks are a must-have for any kitchen. Unlike the more common Cassia cinnamon, Ceylon cinnamon sticks offer a subtler, more refined taste.
Ceylon Cinnamon Capsules: Packed with health benefits, our Ceylon cinnamon capsules are a convenient way to support your wellness routine. These supplements are rich in antioxidants and have anti-inflammatory properties, making them a great addition to your daily regimen.
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Ceylon Cinnamon Powder: Known for its sweet and delicate flavor, our pure Ceylon cinnamon powder is perfect for baking, cooking, and adding a touch of spice to your favorite beverages. It’s a versatile pantry staple that elevates both sweet and savory dishes.
Ceylon Cinnamon Sticks: Ideal for infusing flavor into teas, stews, and desserts, our Ceylon cinnamon sticks are a must-have for any kitchen. Unlike the more common Cassia cinnamon, Ceylon cinnamon sticks offer a subtler, more refined taste.
Ceylon Cinnamon Capsules: Packed with health benefits, our Ceylon cinnamon capsules are a convenient way to support your wellness routine. These supplements are rich in antioxidants and have anti-inflammatory properties, making them a great addition to your daily regimen.
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If you’re a fan of unique and flavorful dishes, you must try the Cinnamon Pork Cutlets Recipe. This delightful recipe brings out the best in pork with the warm, aromatic touch of cinnamon. For the best results, make sure to use Ceylon cinnamon sticks instead of the more common Cassia cinnamon. Wondering about the difference? When it comes to Ceylon Cinnamon Sticks vs. Cassia Cinnamon, Ceylon cinnamon is known for its sweeter, more delicate flavor, while Cassia has a stronger, more pungent taste. This distinction makes Ceylon the preferred choice for dishes where a subtle spice is desired.
Using Ceylon cinnamon powder in your cooking can elevate your meals to new heights. But do you know how to use Ceylon cinnamon powder in your favorite recipes? This versatile spice can be added to both sweet and savory dishes. Sprinkle it on your morning oatmeal, mix it into smoothies, or incorporate it into baked goods for a delicious twist. It’s also fantastic in savory recipes like curries, stews, and the aforementioned pork cutlets.
Apart from its culinary uses, Ceylon cinnamon offers numerous health benefits. Ceylon cinnamon capsules are a convenient way to enjoy these benefits. These supplements are packed with antioxidants and have anti-inflammatory properties. If you’re interested in the advantages, the Ceylon cinnamon capsules can help with blood sugar regulation, improving digestion, and boosting overall health. For those wondering about the benefits, dosage, and where to buy the best supplements, it’s recommended to take a look at reputable online stores that specialize in natural health products. The suggested dosage varies, so always follow the manufacturer’s instructions or consult with a healthcare professional.
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Ceylon Cinnamon Powder: Known for its sweet and delicate flavor, our pure Ceylon cinnamon powder is perfect for baking, cooking, and adding a touch of spice to your favorite beverages. It’s a versatile pantry staple that elevates both sweet and savory dishes.
Ceylon Cinnamon Sticks: Ideal for infusing flavor into teas, stews, and desserts, our Ceylon cinnamon sticks are a must-have for any kitchen. Unlike the more common Cassia cinnamon, Ceylon cinnamon sticks offer a subtler, more refined taste.
Ceylon Cinnamon Capsules: Packed with health benefits, our Ceylon cinnamon capsules are a convenient way to support your wellness routine. These supplements are rich in antioxidants and have anti-inflammatory properties, making them a great addition to your daily regimen.
Ceylon Cinnamon Tea Bags: Enjoy the soothing and aromatic experience of Ceylon cinnamon tea. Our tea bags are filled with the finest Ceylon cinnamon, providing a calming and flavorful cup of tea that’s perfect any time of the day.
Cinnamon Body Care: Indulge in our range of cinnamon-infused body care products, including cinnamon lotion and cinnamon shampoo. These items harness the natural properties of Ceylon cinnamon to nourish and rejuvenate your skin and hair.
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