Jag vet att jag är en periodare.
En bland många.
Ett missbruksbarn av vår tid.
Jag knarkar trygghet och kontroll och när det tar slut, som nu, vad gör jag då?
Jag lättar på låset.
Släpper på ramen.
Ängsligt gläntar jag på den knarrande dörren och famlar i mörkret.
Letar ljusknappen.
Tankarna myllar, flyger, bökar, trängs i dunklet, de formar ord helt för egen maskin, de spottas ut och väller fram som brinnande lava ur en vulkan.
Ostoppbara.
Ganska vackra att betrakta på avstånd ändå.
Men jag vill inte ha dem alltför nära
för det bränns.
Tankarna ter sig oformbara och obegripliga inne i den grå massan. De sväller och tar plats och hamnar i vägen, lite som som klumpiga dörrvakter som hindrar mig att komma in.
Eller ut.
Men jag hänger på låset och ger mig inte.
För ord är konkreta.
De är lösningen.
En sorts motgift.
JA.
Precis vad jag behöver!
Precis vad jag längtar efter.
Motgift.
Bot mot en förgiftad kropp och knopp och allt runtomkring.
Det är vad orden är.
Det är vad orden ger.
Ett sammanhang…
Och nu då?
Nu när jag är åderlåten och nästan alla ord blött ut…
Blir det bättre då?
Nej.
Nej?
Det är balansen som saknas.
Den har aldrig funnits där.
Helt för mycket eller alldeles för lite.
Alltid allt eller inget.
Som en hetsätare och anorektiker i samma person.
Lite som mänskligheten i stort.
Konsumerar allt medan andra svälter.
Balansen felar.
Du och jag, vi ska prata intensivt nätterna igenom och sluka varann hela eller så ska vi förbli tysta i dagar.
Parallelleka.
Låt oss nonchalera verkligheten en stund.
Stunden blir till eoner.
Ett hav av tid flyter stilla förbi, precis utom räckhåll.
I medvetet plågsam tvåsamhet betraktar vi båda hur den andre tynar bort, mitt här i ensamheten där vi tillsammans bor.
Men vi säger inget.
Vi gör inget.
Vi håller andan alldeles för länge i detta själsliga vakuum.
Och sedan blåser vi liv i lungorna igen.
Kippandes efter andan känner vi plötsligt att vi lever, vi lever!
Blodet rusar och vi blir höga på livet och kärleken!
Varma famnar välkomnar den återfunna lyckan.
Fast egentligen är det kanske bara känslan av att ha återfått kontrollen som vi känner av.
Vi syresätter oss snabbt, vi dumma människor.
Vi glömmer fort hur det nyss var.
Vi glömmer.
Om och om, igen och igen.
Jag antar att det är bara så det är.
Livet.
Det är så vi är.
Vi är alla sjuka och skadade, de flesta låtsas bara inte om det.
Eller så förstår vi inte.
Vissa vill inte förstå.
Att just precis så här är livet.
Privilegierad eller ej, så lider vi alla av livet fast på miljarder olika vis.
Och ändå vill vi leva det.
Allra mest i tider då ovissheten stryker runt omkring oss.
Så känns det bättre då?
Nu när orden flutit ut…
Ja.
För för stunden blir det så lugnt och tyst, så sorterat och strukturerat.
Nästan som en perfekt struken duk.
Vit och stram breder den ut sig över bordet och omfamnar det med en slags bestämdhet.
Jag har återfått kontrollen.
Städat i sinnet.
Släppt på trycket, snabbt stängt in smittan.
Min inre poltergeist har somnat av både tristess och svält och vandrar inte instängt runt och luktar förruttnelse mer.
Ibland är det bra att vädra.
Ute blåser en iskall vind men himlen är blå och luften är hög.
Allt går i perioder.
Även du.
Även jag.
Det finns ännu hopp om vår.
I was curious if you ever considered changing the page layout of your blog?
Its very well written; I love what youve got to
say. But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so
people could connect with it better. Youve got an awful lot
of text for only having one or 2 pictures. Maybe you could space it out better?
Greetings I am so happy I found your website,
I really found you by error, while I was browsing on Digg for something else, Anyways I am here now and would just like to say cheers for a
fantastic post and a all round enjoyable blog (I also love the theme/design),
I don’t have time to browse it all at the moment but I have bookmarked it
and also included your RSS feeds, so when I have time I
will be back to read a great deal more, Please do keep up the superb job.
That is very interesting, You’re an excessively skilled blogger.
I’ve joined your rss feed and stay up for in quest
of more of your excellent post. Additionally,
I’ve shared your site in my social networks
Pretty section of content. I just stumbled upon your site and
in accession capital to assert that I acquire in fact enjoyed account your blog posts.
Anyway I’ll be subscribing to your feeds and even I achievement you access consistently rapidly.
I don’t think the title of your article matches the content lol. Just kidding, mainly because I had some doubts after reading the article.
I like your writing very so much! proportion we keep up a correspondence extra approximately https://brazzers.pw/ free brazzers videos
I read this piece of writing fully regarding the resemblance of most up-to-date and preceding technologies, it’s amazing article.
Hello there! I could have sworn I’ve been to this
website before but after checking through some of the post I realized it’s new
to me. Anyways, I’m definitely happy I found it and I’ll be bookmarking and checking back often!
I read this paragraph completely regarding the comparison of most
up-to-date and preceding technologies, it’s remarkable article.
Situs yang menyediakan layanan porno ilegal dengan video porno anak
kecil adalah pelanggaran serius terhadap hukum Indonesia.
Situs semacam ini tidak hanya melanggar undang-undang, tetapi
juga merusak moral masyarakat dan membahayakan masa depan anak-anak.
Pemerintah Indonesia secara tegas melarang dan menindak situs-situs tersebut.
This is very interesting, You are a very skilled blogger.
I have joined your rss feed and look forward to seeking more of your fantastic post.
Also, I have shared your web site in my social networks!
Great delivery. Great arguments. Keep up the good effort.
If you wish for to grow your experience just keep
visiting this website and be updated with the most recent
news update posted here.
Greetings! I know this is kinda off topic but I was wondering which blog platform are you
using for this website? I’m getting fed up of WordPress because I’ve
had problems with hackers and I’m looking
at alternatives for another platform. I would be great if you could point me in the direction of a good platform.
cytoxan for sale online – order dimenhydrinate 50mg without prescription cheap trimetazidine generic
I’ve been exploring for a little for any high-quality articles or weblog posts
in this kind of area . Exploring in Yahoo I ultimately stumbled upon this site.
Studying this info So i am glad to exhibit that I’ve an incredibly good uncanny feeling I came upon just what I needed.
I so much unquestionably will make sure to don?t disregard this
site and provides it a look regularly.
You actually make it appear really easy along with your presentation but I find this matter to be
really something which I feel I might by no means understand.
It seems too complicated and very large for me.
I am looking ahead to your subsequent submit, I will attempt to get the grasp of it!
I think the admin of this site is truly working hard in support of his web
page, since here every data is quality based information.
http://cmqpharma.com/# best online pharmacies in mexico
buying prescription drugs in mexico online
Hi i am kavin, its my first occasion to commenting anyplace, when i read this
paragraph i thought i could also make comment due
to this good piece of writing.
Heya! I realize this is sort of off-topic but I needed to ask.
Does building a well-established blog such as yours require
a lot of work? I’m brand new to running a blog but I do write in my diary daily.
I’d like to start a blog so I can share my personal experience and feelings online.
Please let me know if you have any recommendations or tips for brand
new aspiring blog owners. Appreciate it!
Do you mind if I quote a couple of your posts as long as I provide credit and sources
back to your site? My blog site is in the exact same niche
as yours and my users would really benefit from a lot of the information you present
here. Please let me know if this okay with you. Thank you!
I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting my own weblog and
was curious what all is needed to get setup?
I’m assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny?
I’m not very web savvy so I’m not 100% positive. Any recommendations or advice
would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
Выберите стильные тактичные штаны для повседневной носки, для идеального комфорта и функциональности.
Тактичные штаны: модные тренды этого сезона, которые подчеркнут вашу уверенность и стиль.
Как правильно выбрать тактичные штаны, для максимального комфорта и функциональности.
Какие тактичные штаны подойдут именно вам, для стильного и практичного образа.
Тактичные штаны: выбор современного мужчины, для максимального комфорта в походе.
тактичні штани військові тактичні штани військові .
Simply wish to say your article is as amazing The clearness in your post is just nice and i could assume youre an expert on this subject Well with your permission let me to grab your feed to keep updated with forthcoming post Thanks a million and please carry on the gratifying work
Thank you so much I really enjoyed this post. Keep
up the good work:) I will share this with my friends.
시알리스 구매 – 시알리스 온라인
현대인들은 편리함, 프라이버시 보호, 시간 절약, 가격 비교 및 절약, 다양한 선택지, 배송 서비스, 리뷰 및 평점 등의 이유로 시알리스와 같은 의약품을 온라인으로 구매하는 것을 선호합니다. 온라인 구매는 불필요한 불편함을 줄이고 효율적으로 쇼핑할 수 있는 방법입니다.
An outstanding share! I’ve just forwarded this onto a colleague who was conducting a little research on this.
And he in fact ordered me breakfast because I discovered it for
him… lol. So let me reword this…. Thanks for the meal!!
But yeah, thanx for spending the time to discuss this
topic here on your internet site.
It’s perfect time to make some plans for the future and it is
time to be happy. I’ve read this post and if I could I wish to suggest
you some interesting things or suggestions. Perhaps you can write next
articles referring to this article. I desire to read even more things about
it!
Keep on working, great job!
Thanks very interesting blog!
Nice Work! I really Like this post 🙂 Keep up the good work.
I will share this on my social accounts for people to see.
I’m curious to find out what blog platform you’re working with?
I’m experiencing some minor security problems with
my latest blog and I would like to find something more secure.
Do you have any suggestions?
Good way of explaining, and nice piece of writing
to obtain data concerning my presentation subject matter,
which i am going to present in academy.
Greetings! Very helpful advice within this article!
It is the little changes which will make the most significant changes.
Thanks for sharing!
비아그라 복제약이랑 그냥 비아그라랑 별로 차이 없나요?
비아그라 복제약과 원본 비아그라: 차이와 주의사항
After checking out a few of the blog articles on your blog, I seriously appreciate your technique of blogging.
I added it to my bookmark website list and will be checking back in the near future.
Please check out my web site as well and let me know your opinion.
My web page herpesyl
Keep on writing, great job!
Nice post. I learn something new and challenging on websites I stumbleupon everyday.
It will always be useful to read through articles from other writers and
use something from their sites.
Great weblog here! Additionally your web site loads up very fast!
What host are you the use of? Can I get your affiliate hyperlink for your host?
I desire my website loaded up as quickly as yours lol
Hey there would you mind sharing which blog platform you’re using?
I’m going to start my own blog in the near future but I’m having a hard time choosing between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal.
The reason I ask is because your design seems different then most blogs and I’m
looking for something unique. P.S My apologies for
being off-topic but I had to ask!
Pretty! This was a really wonderful article. Thanks for supplying these details.
I have been browsing online more than three hours
today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours.
It’s pretty worth enough for me. In my view, if all site owners and bloggers made good
content as you did, the net will be a lot more useful than ever
before.
При работе с Kraken для обеспечения
максимальной анонимности и безопасности рекомендуется использовать его официальный сайт по ссылке: [kraken ссылка зеркало официальный сайт].
kraken ссылка зеркало официальный Лично я
использую этот метод уже более года,
и у меня не возникло никаких
проблем с безопасностью или анонимностью.
Команда Kraken всегда профессиональна и отзывчива,
и я всегда получал ответы на
мои вопросы. Кроме того, сайт Kraken имеет множество функций,
облегчающих безопасную и анонимную торговлю, таких как двухфакторная аутентификация и
поддержка Tor. В целом, я очень доволен использованием Kraken и рекомендую его всем, кто ищет
надежную и безопасную криптовалютную биржу.
Greetings! Very useful advice within this article!
It’s the little changes that produce the biggest changes.
Many thanks for sharing!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I really appreciate your efforts and I
am waiting for your further write ups thanks once again.
Wonderful goods from you, man. I’ve understand your stuff previous to and you are just too great.
I actually like what you have acquired here, certainly like what you’re stating and the way in which you say
it. You make it entertaining and you still care for to keep it smart.
I can’t wait to read far more from you. This is actually a terrific website.
Hi there! I could have sworn I’ve visited this web site before but after browsing through some of the articles I realized it’s
new to me. Anyhow, I’m certainly happy I found it and I’ll be bookmarking it and checking back regularly!
If you are going for finest contents like myself, only go to
see this web page everyday as it gives feature contents, thanks
I have been surfing online more than 2 hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours.
It is pretty worth enough for me. Personally,
if all site owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the web
will be much more useful than ever before.