Jag vet att jag är en periodare.
En bland många.
Ett missbruksbarn av vår tid.
Jag knarkar trygghet och kontroll och när det tar slut, som nu, vad gör jag då?
Jag lättar på låset.
Släpper på ramen.
Ängsligt gläntar jag på den knarrande dörren och famlar i mörkret.
Letar ljusknappen.
Tankarna myllar, flyger, bökar, trängs i dunklet, de formar ord helt för egen maskin, de spottas ut och väller fram som brinnande lava ur en vulkan.
Ostoppbara.
Ganska vackra att betrakta på avstånd ändå.
Men jag vill inte ha dem alltför nära
för det bränns.
Tankarna ter sig oformbara och obegripliga inne i den grå massan. De sväller och tar plats och hamnar i vägen, lite som som klumpiga dörrvakter som hindrar mig att komma in.
Eller ut.
Men jag hänger på låset och ger mig inte.
För ord är konkreta.
De är lösningen.
En sorts motgift.
JA.
Precis vad jag behöver!
Precis vad jag längtar efter.
Motgift.
Bot mot en förgiftad kropp och knopp och allt runtomkring.
Det är vad orden är.
Det är vad orden ger.
Ett sammanhang…
Och nu då?
Nu när jag är åderlåten och nästan alla ord blött ut…
Blir det bättre då?
Nej.
Nej?
Det är balansen som saknas.
Den har aldrig funnits där.
Helt för mycket eller alldeles för lite.
Alltid allt eller inget.
Som en hetsätare och anorektiker i samma person.
Lite som mänskligheten i stort.
Konsumerar allt medan andra svälter.
Balansen felar.
Du och jag, vi ska prata intensivt nätterna igenom och sluka varann hela eller så ska vi förbli tysta i dagar.
Parallelleka.
Låt oss nonchalera verkligheten en stund.
Stunden blir till eoner.
Ett hav av tid flyter stilla förbi, precis utom räckhåll.
I medvetet plågsam tvåsamhet betraktar vi båda hur den andre tynar bort, mitt här i ensamheten där vi tillsammans bor.
Men vi säger inget.
Vi gör inget.
Vi håller andan alldeles för länge i detta själsliga vakuum.
Och sedan blåser vi liv i lungorna igen.
Kippandes efter andan känner vi plötsligt att vi lever, vi lever!
Blodet rusar och vi blir höga på livet och kärleken!
Varma famnar välkomnar den återfunna lyckan.
Fast egentligen är det kanske bara känslan av att ha återfått kontrollen som vi känner av.
Vi syresätter oss snabbt, vi dumma människor.
Vi glömmer fort hur det nyss var.
Vi glömmer.
Om och om, igen och igen.
Jag antar att det är bara så det är.
Livet.
Det är så vi är.
Vi är alla sjuka och skadade, de flesta låtsas bara inte om det.
Eller så förstår vi inte.
Vissa vill inte förstå.
Att just precis så här är livet.
Privilegierad eller ej, så lider vi alla av livet fast på miljarder olika vis.
Och ändå vill vi leva det.
Allra mest i tider då ovissheten stryker runt omkring oss.
Så känns det bättre då?
Nu när orden flutit ut…
Ja.
För för stunden blir det så lugnt och tyst, så sorterat och strukturerat.
Nästan som en perfekt struken duk.
Vit och stram breder den ut sig över bordet och omfamnar det med en slags bestämdhet.
Jag har återfått kontrollen.
Städat i sinnet.
Släppt på trycket, snabbt stängt in smittan.
Min inre poltergeist har somnat av både tristess och svält och vandrar inte instängt runt och luktar förruttnelse mer.
Ibland är det bra att vädra.
Ute blåser en iskall vind men himlen är blå och luften är hög.
Allt går i perioder.
Även du.
Även jag.
Det finns ännu hopp om vår.
The astonishing story of Emmanuel Macron’s https://president-of-france.emmanuel-macron-fr.com political rise from bank director to the highest office in France.
Max Verstappen and Red Bull Racing’s https://red-bull-racing.max-verstappen-fr.com path to success in Formula 1. A story of talent, determination and team support leading to a championship title.
The story of Joe Biden’s https://president-of-the-usa.joe-biden-fr.com triumphant journey, overcoming many obstacles on his path to the White House and becoming the 46th President of the United States.
Une ascension fulgurante au pouvoir Donald Trump https://usa.donald-trump-fr.com et son empire commercial
신최할 수 있는 온라인 약국에서 비아그라를 구매할 때 얻을 수 있는 5 가지 이점
비아그라 약국
all the time i used to read smaller articles which also clear their motive, and that is also
happening with this paragraph which I am reading now.
I’m truly enjoying the design and layout of your website.
It’s a very easy on the eyes which makes it much
more enjoyable for me to come here and visit more often. Did you hire out a designer to create your theme?
Fantastic work!
Hello to all, how is the whole thing, I think every one is getting more from this site, and your views
are fastidious in support of new visitors.
Incredible quest there. What occurred after? Take care!
Outstanding story there. What occurred after? Thanks!
처방전 필요없는 비아그라
처방전이 필요 없는 비아그라: 무엇을 알아야 할까?
What’s Taking place i’m new to this, I stumbled upon this
I’ve discovered It absolutely helpful and it has helped me out loads.
I am hoping to give a contribution & aid different users like its aided me.
Great job.
When I originally commented I clicked the ”Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and now each time a
comment is added I get three e-mails with the same comment.
Is there any way you can remove me from that
service? Many thanks!
Hey very interesting blog!
What i don’t realize is in reality how you are no longer actually a lot more well-liked than you may
be now. You’re so intelligent. You know therefore significantly relating to this
topic, produced me personally consider it from numerous varied angles.
Its like women and men aren’t interested except it’s something to accomplish with Woman gaga!
Your personal stuffs outstanding. Always care for it up!
Hello! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any issues
with hackers? My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and I
ended up losing months of hard work due to no back up.
Do you have any solutions to prevent hackers?
비아그라 간수치
비아그라가 간 기능에 미치는 영향 이해
I always used to study paragraph in news papers but now as I am a user of net thus from
now I am using net for content, thanks to web.
This web site definitely has all the information I
wanted about this subject and didn’t know who to ask.
Way cool! Some very valid points! I appreciate
you writing this post plus the rest of the website
is really good.
약국에 도착하면 처방전을 약사에게 제출하고 비아그라 구매할 의향을 밝힙니다. 약사는 처방전을 확인하고 비아그라를 제공합니다.
Very descriptive post, I loved that a lot. Will there be a part
2?
Hi to all, the contents present at this web site are actually amazing for
people knowledge, well, keep up the good work fellows.
Parisian PSG https://paris.psg-fr.com is one of the most successful and ambitious football clubs in Europe. Find out how he became a global football superstar.
If some one needs to be updated with most up-to-date technologies therefore he must be
pay a visit this web site and be up to date daily.
Travel to the pinnacle of French football https://stadede-bordeaux.bordeaux-fr.org at the Stade de Bordeaux, where the passion of the game meets the grandeur of architecture.
The fascinating story of Gigi Hadid’s rise to Victoria’s Secret Angel https://victorias-secret.gigi-hadid-fr.com status and her journey to the top of the modeling industry.
Olympique de Marseille https://liga1.marseilles-fr.com after several years in the shadows, once again becomes champion of France. How did they do it and what prospects open up for the club
We’re a group of volunteers and opening a new scheme in our community.
Your web site provided us with valuable information to work on. You’ve done an impressive
job and our whole community will be thankful to you.
Appreciate the recommendation. Will try it out.
Hi there! I simply wish to offer you a huge thumbs up for
the great information you have got here on this post. I will be
returning to your web site for more soon.
Peculiar article, exactly what I was looking for.
Have you ever thought about writing an e-book or guest authoring on other websites?
I have a blog based on the same subjects you discuss and would love to have
you share some stories/information. I know my viewers would appreciate your
work. If you are even remotely interested, feel free to send me an email.
The fascinating story of the creation and meteoric rise of Amazon https://amazon.jeff-bezos-fr.com from its humble beginnings as an online bookstore to its dominant force in the world of e-commerce.
It’s a shame you don’t have a donate button! I’d
most certainly donate to this outstanding blog! I suppose for now i’ll
settle for bookmarking and adding your RSS feed to my Google
account. I look forward to new updates and
will talk about this blog with my Facebook group.
Talk soon!
We are a group of volunteers and opening a new scheme in our community.
Your web site provided us with valuable information to work on. You’ve done
a formidable job and our entire community
will be thankful to you.
What’s Happening i’m new to this, I stumbled upon this I’ve discovered It absolutely useful and
it has aided me out loads. I am hoping to give a contribution & aid other users like its
aided me. Great job.
Hey I am so delighted I found your blog page, I really found you by accident, while I was looking on Google for something else, Anyhow I am here now and would just
like to say cheers for a marvelous post and a all round exciting blog (I
also love the theme/design), I don’t have time to browse it all
at the minute but I have book-marked it and also added in your RSS feeds, so when I have time I will be back to read more, Please
do keep up the excellent job.
Heya i am for the first time here. I came across this board and I
in finding It truly helpful & it helped me out a lot.
I’m hoping to give one thing back and help others such
as you helped me.
The inspiring story of Travis Scott’s https://yeezus.travis-scott-fr.com rise from emerging artist to one of modern hip-hop’s brightest stars through his collaboration with Kanye West.
A fascinating story about how Elon Musk https://spacex.elon-musk-fr.com and his company SpaceX revolutionized space exploration, opening new horizons for humanity.
An exploration of Nicole Kidman’s https://watch.nicole-kidman-fr.com career, her notable roles, and her continued quest for excellence as an actress.
How Taylor Swift https://midnights.taylor-swift-fr.com reinvented her sound and image on the intimate and reflective album “Midnights,” revealing new dimensions of her talent.
Привет, друзья!
Купить диплом о высшем образовании
Наши специалисты предлагают выгодно заказать диплом, который выполняется на бланке ГОЗНАКа и заверен печатями, водяными знаками, подписями. Диплом способен пройти лубую проверку, даже с использованием специально предназначенного оборудования. Решите свои задачи максимально быстро с нашим сервисом.
Где купить диплом по актуальной специальности?
http://all-smeta.ru/?sid=e4087f8a8c5752accfdea7bf31bdb082
Рады помочь!.
It’s appropriate time to make some plans for the future and it
is time to be happy. I’ve read this post and if I could I want to suggest you
some interesting things or tips. Perhaps you can write next
articles referring to this article. I wish to read
more things about it!
This is very interesting, You are a very skilled blogger.
I’ve joined your feed and look forward to seeking more
of your fantastic post. Also, I have shared your website in my social networks!
These are truly enormous ideas in on the topic of blogging.
You have touched some good things here. Any way keep up wrinting.
Excellent site you have here but I was curious about if
you knew of any message boards that cover the same topics talked
about in this article? I’d really like to be a part of group where I can get opinions
from other experienced individuals that share the same interest.
If you have any recommendations, please let me know.
Thanks a lot!
Explore the rich history and unrivaled atmosphere of the iconic Old Trafford Stadium https://old-trafford.manchester-united-fr.com, home of one of the world’s most decorated football clubs, Manchester United.
I could not refrain from commenting. Well written!