Jag vet att jag är en periodare.
En bland många.
Ett missbruksbarn av vår tid.
Jag knarkar trygghet och kontroll och när det tar slut, som nu, vad gör jag då?
Jag lättar på låset.
Släpper på ramen.
Ängsligt gläntar jag på den knarrande dörren och famlar i mörkret.
Letar ljusknappen.
Tankarna myllar, flyger, bökar, trängs i dunklet, de formar ord helt för egen maskin, de spottas ut och väller fram som brinnande lava ur en vulkan.
Ostoppbara.
Ganska vackra att betrakta på avstånd ändå.
Men jag vill inte ha dem alltför nära
för det bränns.
Tankarna ter sig oformbara och obegripliga inne i den grå massan. De sväller och tar plats och hamnar i vägen, lite som som klumpiga dörrvakter som hindrar mig att komma in.
Eller ut.
Men jag hänger på låset och ger mig inte.
För ord är konkreta.
De är lösningen.
En sorts motgift.
JA.
Precis vad jag behöver!
Precis vad jag längtar efter.
Motgift.
Bot mot en förgiftad kropp och knopp och allt runtomkring.
Det är vad orden är.
Det är vad orden ger.
Ett sammanhang…
Och nu då?
Nu när jag är åderlåten och nästan alla ord blött ut…
Blir det bättre då?
Nej.
Nej?
Det är balansen som saknas.
Den har aldrig funnits där.
Helt för mycket eller alldeles för lite.
Alltid allt eller inget.
Som en hetsätare och anorektiker i samma person.
Lite som mänskligheten i stort.
Konsumerar allt medan andra svälter.
Balansen felar.
Du och jag, vi ska prata intensivt nätterna igenom och sluka varann hela eller så ska vi förbli tysta i dagar.
Parallelleka.
Låt oss nonchalera verkligheten en stund.
Stunden blir till eoner.
Ett hav av tid flyter stilla förbi, precis utom räckhåll.
I medvetet plågsam tvåsamhet betraktar vi båda hur den andre tynar bort, mitt här i ensamheten där vi tillsammans bor.
Men vi säger inget.
Vi gör inget.
Vi håller andan alldeles för länge i detta själsliga vakuum.
Och sedan blåser vi liv i lungorna igen.
Kippandes efter andan känner vi plötsligt att vi lever, vi lever!
Blodet rusar och vi blir höga på livet och kärleken!
Varma famnar välkomnar den återfunna lyckan.
Fast egentligen är det kanske bara känslan av att ha återfått kontrollen som vi känner av.
Vi syresätter oss snabbt, vi dumma människor.
Vi glömmer fort hur det nyss var.
Vi glömmer.
Om och om, igen och igen.
Jag antar att det är bara så det är.
Livet.
Det är så vi är.
Vi är alla sjuka och skadade, de flesta låtsas bara inte om det.
Eller så förstår vi inte.
Vissa vill inte förstå.
Att just precis så här är livet.
Privilegierad eller ej, så lider vi alla av livet fast på miljarder olika vis.
Och ändå vill vi leva det.
Allra mest i tider då ovissheten stryker runt omkring oss.
Så känns det bättre då?
Nu när orden flutit ut…
Ja.
För för stunden blir det så lugnt och tyst, så sorterat och strukturerat.
Nästan som en perfekt struken duk.
Vit och stram breder den ut sig över bordet och omfamnar det med en slags bestämdhet.
Jag har återfått kontrollen.
Städat i sinnet.
Släppt på trycket, snabbt stängt in smittan.
Min inre poltergeist har somnat av både tristess och svält och vandrar inte instängt runt och luktar förruttnelse mer.
Ibland är det bra att vädra.
Ute blåser en iskall vind men himlen är blå och luften är hög.
Allt går i perioder.
Även du.
Även jag.
Det finns ännu hopp om vår.
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Thai farmer forced to kill more than 100 endangered crocodiles after a typhoon damaged their enclosure
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A Thai crocodile farmer who goes by the nickname “Crocodile X” said he killed more than 100 critically endangered reptiles to prevent them from escaping after a typhoon damaged their enclosure.
Natthapak Khumkad, 37, who runs a crocodile farm in Lamphun, northern Thailand, said he scrambled to find his Siamese crocodiles a new home when he noticed a wall securing their enclosure was at risk of collapsing. But nowhere was large or secure enough to hold the crocodiles, some of which were up to 4 meters (13 feet) long.
To stop the crocodiles from getting loose into the local community, Natthapak said, he put 125 of them down on September 22.
“I had to make the most difficult decision of my life to kill them all,” he told CNN. “My family and I discussed if the wall collapsed the damage to people’s lives would be far bigger than we can control. It would involve people’s lives and public safety.”
Typhoon Yagi, Asia’s most powerful storm this year, swept across southern China and Southeast Asia this month, leaving a trail of destruction with its intense rainfall and powerful winds. Downpours inundated Thailand’s north, submerging homes and riverside villages, killing at least nine people.
Storms like Yagi are “getting stronger due to climate change, primarily because warmer ocean waters provide more energy to fuel the storms, leading to increased wind speeds and heavier rainfall,” said Benjamin Horton, director of the Earth Observatory of Singapore.
Natural disasters, including typhoons, pose a range of threats to wildlife, according to the International Fund for Animal Welfare. Flooding can leave animals stranded, in danger of drowning, or separated from their owners or families.
Rain and strong winds can also severely damage habitats and animal shelters. In 2022, Hurricane Ian hit Florida and destroyed the Little Bear Sanctuary in Punta Gorda, leaving 200 animals, including cows, horses, donkeys, pigs and birds without shelter.
The risk of natural disasters to animals is only increasing as human-caused climate change makes extreme weather events more frequent and volatile.
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Thai farmer forced to kill more than 100 endangered crocodiles after a typhoon damaged their enclosure
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A Thai crocodile farmer who goes by the nickname “Crocodile X” said he killed more than 100 critically endangered reptiles to prevent them from escaping after a typhoon damaged their enclosure.
Natthapak Khumkad, 37, who runs a crocodile farm in Lamphun, northern Thailand, said he scrambled to find his Siamese crocodiles a new home when he noticed a wall securing their enclosure was at risk of collapsing. But nowhere was large or secure enough to hold the crocodiles, some of which were up to 4 meters (13 feet) long.
To stop the crocodiles from getting loose into the local community, Natthapak said, he put 125 of them down on September 22.
“I had to make the most difficult decision of my life to kill them all,” he told CNN. “My family and I discussed if the wall collapsed the damage to people’s lives would be far bigger than we can control. It would involve people’s lives and public safety.”
Typhoon Yagi, Asia’s most powerful storm this year, swept across southern China and Southeast Asia this month, leaving a trail of destruction with its intense rainfall and powerful winds. Downpours inundated Thailand’s north, submerging homes and riverside villages, killing at least nine people.
Storms like Yagi are “getting stronger due to climate change, primarily because warmer ocean waters provide more energy to fuel the storms, leading to increased wind speeds and heavier rainfall,” said Benjamin Horton, director of the Earth Observatory of Singapore.
Natural disasters, including typhoons, pose a range of threats to wildlife, according to the International Fund for Animal Welfare. Flooding can leave animals stranded, in danger of drowning, or separated from their owners or families.
Rain and strong winds can also severely damage habitats and animal shelters. In 2022, Hurricane Ian hit Florida and destroyed the Little Bear Sanctuary in Punta Gorda, leaving 200 animals, including cows, horses, donkeys, pigs and birds without shelter.
The risk of natural disasters to animals is only increasing as human-caused climate change makes extreme weather events more frequent and volatile.
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Thai farmer forced to kill more than 100 endangered crocodiles after a typhoon damaged their enclosure
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A Thai crocodile farmer who goes by the nickname “Crocodile X” said he killed more than 100 critically endangered reptiles to prevent them from escaping after a typhoon damaged their enclosure.
Natthapak Khumkad, 37, who runs a crocodile farm in Lamphun, northern Thailand, said he scrambled to find his Siamese crocodiles a new home when he noticed a wall securing their enclosure was at risk of collapsing. But nowhere was large or secure enough to hold the crocodiles, some of which were up to 4 meters (13 feet) long.
To stop the crocodiles from getting loose into the local community, Natthapak said, he put 125 of them down on September 22.
“I had to make the most difficult decision of my life to kill them all,” he told CNN. “My family and I discussed if the wall collapsed the damage to people’s lives would be far bigger than we can control. It would involve people’s lives and public safety.”
Typhoon Yagi, Asia’s most powerful storm this year, swept across southern China and Southeast Asia this month, leaving a trail of destruction with its intense rainfall and powerful winds. Downpours inundated Thailand’s north, submerging homes and riverside villages, killing at least nine people.
Storms like Yagi are “getting stronger due to climate change, primarily because warmer ocean waters provide more energy to fuel the storms, leading to increased wind speeds and heavier rainfall,” said Benjamin Horton, director of the Earth Observatory of Singapore.
Natural disasters, including typhoons, pose a range of threats to wildlife, according to the International Fund for Animal Welfare. Flooding can leave animals stranded, in danger of drowning, or separated from their owners or families.
Rain and strong winds can also severely damage habitats and animal shelters. In 2022, Hurricane Ian hit Florida and destroyed the Little Bear Sanctuary in Punta Gorda, leaving 200 animals, including cows, horses, donkeys, pigs and birds without shelter.
The risk of natural disasters to animals is only increasing as human-caused climate change makes extreme weather events more frequent and volatile.
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Thai farmer forced to kill more than 100 endangered crocodiles after a typhoon damaged their enclosure
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A Thai crocodile farmer who goes by the nickname “Crocodile X” said he killed more than 100 critically endangered reptiles to prevent them from escaping after a typhoon damaged their enclosure.
Natthapak Khumkad, 37, who runs a crocodile farm in Lamphun, northern Thailand, said he scrambled to find his Siamese crocodiles a new home when he noticed a wall securing their enclosure was at risk of collapsing. But nowhere was large or secure enough to hold the crocodiles, some of which were up to 4 meters (13 feet) long.
To stop the crocodiles from getting loose into the local community, Natthapak said, he put 125 of them down on September 22.
“I had to make the most difficult decision of my life to kill them all,” he told CNN. “My family and I discussed if the wall collapsed the damage to people’s lives would be far bigger than we can control. It would involve people’s lives and public safety.”
Typhoon Yagi, Asia’s most powerful storm this year, swept across southern China and Southeast Asia this month, leaving a trail of destruction with its intense rainfall and powerful winds. Downpours inundated Thailand’s north, submerging homes and riverside villages, killing at least nine people.
Storms like Yagi are “getting stronger due to climate change, primarily because warmer ocean waters provide more energy to fuel the storms, leading to increased wind speeds and heavier rainfall,” said Benjamin Horton, director of the Earth Observatory of Singapore.
Natural disasters, including typhoons, pose a range of threats to wildlife, according to the International Fund for Animal Welfare. Flooding can leave animals stranded, in danger of drowning, or separated from their owners or families.
Rain and strong winds can also severely damage habitats and animal shelters. In 2022, Hurricane Ian hit Florida and destroyed the Little Bear Sanctuary in Punta Gorda, leaving 200 animals, including cows, horses, donkeys, pigs and birds without shelter.
The risk of natural disasters to animals is only increasing as human-caused climate change makes extreme weather events more frequent and volatile.
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