Jag vet att jag är en periodare.
En bland många.
Ett missbruksbarn av vår tid.
Jag knarkar trygghet och kontroll och när det tar slut, som nu, vad gör jag då?
Jag lättar på låset.
Släpper på ramen.
Ängsligt gläntar jag på den knarrande dörren och famlar i mörkret.
Letar ljusknappen.
Tankarna myllar, flyger, bökar, trängs i dunklet, de formar ord helt för egen maskin, de spottas ut och väller fram som brinnande lava ur en vulkan.
Ostoppbara.
Ganska vackra att betrakta på avstånd ändå.
Men jag vill inte ha dem alltför nära
för det bränns.
Tankarna ter sig oformbara och obegripliga inne i den grå massan. De sväller och tar plats och hamnar i vägen, lite som som klumpiga dörrvakter som hindrar mig att komma in.
Eller ut.
Men jag hänger på låset och ger mig inte.
För ord är konkreta.
De är lösningen.
En sorts motgift.
JA.
Precis vad jag behöver!
Precis vad jag längtar efter.
Motgift.
Bot mot en förgiftad kropp och knopp och allt runtomkring.
Det är vad orden är.
Det är vad orden ger.
Ett sammanhang…
Och nu då?
Nu när jag är åderlåten och nästan alla ord blött ut…
Blir det bättre då?
Nej.
Nej?
Det är balansen som saknas.
Den har aldrig funnits där.
Helt för mycket eller alldeles för lite.
Alltid allt eller inget.
Som en hetsätare och anorektiker i samma person.
Lite som mänskligheten i stort.
Konsumerar allt medan andra svälter.
Balansen felar.
Du och jag, vi ska prata intensivt nätterna igenom och sluka varann hela eller så ska vi förbli tysta i dagar.
Parallelleka.
Låt oss nonchalera verkligheten en stund.
Stunden blir till eoner.
Ett hav av tid flyter stilla förbi, precis utom räckhåll.
I medvetet plågsam tvåsamhet betraktar vi båda hur den andre tynar bort, mitt här i ensamheten där vi tillsammans bor.
Men vi säger inget.
Vi gör inget.
Vi håller andan alldeles för länge i detta själsliga vakuum.
Och sedan blåser vi liv i lungorna igen.
Kippandes efter andan känner vi plötsligt att vi lever, vi lever!
Blodet rusar och vi blir höga på livet och kärleken!
Varma famnar välkomnar den återfunna lyckan.
Fast egentligen är det kanske bara känslan av att ha återfått kontrollen som vi känner av.
Vi syresätter oss snabbt, vi dumma människor.
Vi glömmer fort hur det nyss var.
Vi glömmer.
Om och om, igen och igen.
Jag antar att det är bara så det är.
Livet.
Det är så vi är.
Vi är alla sjuka och skadade, de flesta låtsas bara inte om det.
Eller så förstår vi inte.
Vissa vill inte förstå.
Att just precis så här är livet.
Privilegierad eller ej, så lider vi alla av livet fast på miljarder olika vis.
Och ändå vill vi leva det.
Allra mest i tider då ovissheten stryker runt omkring oss.
Så känns det bättre då?
Nu när orden flutit ut…
Ja.
För för stunden blir det så lugnt och tyst, så sorterat och strukturerat.
Nästan som en perfekt struken duk.
Vit och stram breder den ut sig över bordet och omfamnar det med en slags bestämdhet.
Jag har återfått kontrollen.
Städat i sinnet.
Släppt på trycket, snabbt stängt in smittan.
Min inre poltergeist har somnat av både tristess och svält och vandrar inte instängt runt och luktar förruttnelse mer.
Ibland är det bra att vädra.
Ute blåser en iskall vind men himlen är blå och luften är hög.
Allt går i perioder.
Även du.
Även jag.
Det finns ännu hopp om vår.
Viagra sans ordonnance livraison 24h: viagra en ligne – Prix du Viagra 100mg en France
п»їpharmacie en ligne france: Cialis sans ordonnance 24h – Pharmacie Internationale en ligne
My brother suggested I would possibly like this web site.
He was entirely right. This publish actually made my day.
You cann’t consider just how so much time I had spent for this information! Thank
you!
If some one desires expert view regarding blogging then i propose
him/her to go to see this blog, Keep up the nice job.
Hey there just wanted to give you a quick heads up. The text in your content seem to
be running off the screen in Opera. I’m not sure if this is a format issue or something to
do with internet browser compatibility but I figured I’d post to let you know.
The style and design look great though! Hope you get the problem resolved soon. Thanks
I needed to thank you for this very good
read!! I certainly loved every little bit of it. I have got you
book marked to look at new things you post…
“Upgrade your Beretta 92 series pistol with our premium INOX (stainless steel) Threaded Barrel.
constantly i used to read smaller posts that also clear their motive, and that
is also happening with this article which I am reading at this place.
you are really a just right webmaster. The site loading velocity is amazing.
It seems that you’re doing any distinctive trick. Also, The contents are masterwork.
you have done a great activity in this matter!
Have you ever thought about adding a little bit more than just your articles?
I mean, what you say is important and all. Nevertheless think about if you
added some great graphics or videos to give your posts
more, ”pop”! Your content is excellent but with pics and videos, this blog could certainly be one of the most beneficial in its field.
Excellent blog!
Hi I am so thrilled I found your blog, I really found
you by accident, while I was browsing on Digg for something else, Nonetheless I am here now and would just like to say many thanks for a marvelous post and a all round thrilling blog (I also love the theme/design),
I don’t have time to read through it all at the minute but I have book-marked it and
also added in your RSS feeds, so when I have time I will be back to read more, Please do keep up the superb
b.
¡Qué buenos consejos! El buen uso de las bocinas es fundamental para quienes aman la buena música.
trouver un mГ©dicament en pharmacie Medicaments en ligne livres en 24h pharmacies en ligne certifiГ©es
Article writing is also a excitement, if you know afterward you can write if not it is difficult to
write.
Blog ini benar-benar menginspirasi serta informatif.
Gw sangat menghargai cara penulis menyampaikan informasi dengan jelas dan menarik.
Sebagai seseorang yang tertarik dengan topik ini.
Terima kasih telah membagikan Blog ini. Saya berharap bisa membaca
lebih banyak konten berkualitas seperti ini
di masa mendatang.
My brother suggested I might like this blog. He was entirely right.
This post truly made my day. You cann’t imagine just how
much time I had spent for this information! Thanks!
Hello there! Would you mind if I share your blog with
my facebook group? There’s a lot of folks that I think would really enjoy
your content. Please let me know. Thank you
Every weekend i used to go to see this site, as i want enjoyment, since this this site conations truly fastidious funny material too.
There is certainly a great deal to learn about this topic.
I like all the points you have made.
Thanks for your marvelous posting! I certainly enjoyed reading
it, you could be a great author. I will remember to bookmark your blog and may come back sometime soon. I want
to encourage you continue your great writing, have a nice
afternoon!
The IWI Zion-15: Precision, Power, and Versatility in a single firearm.
Hello, after reading this awesome piece of writing i am too cheerful to share my familiarity here with
colleagues.
Do you mind if I quote a couple of your posts as long as
I provide credit and sources back to your webpage? My website is in the very same niche as yours and my visitors would
genuinely benefit from some of the information you present here.
Please let me know if this ok with you. Regards!
After I initially commented I seem to have clicked the -Notify me when new comments
are added- checkbox and from now on whenever a comment is added
I get four emails with the exact same comment. Is there a means you
can remove me from that service? Thank you!
I like the helpful information you provide in your articles.
I will bookmark your blog and take a look at again here frequently.
I’m rather sure I’ll be told a lot of new stuff right right here!
Good luck for the following!
I am no longer positive where you’re getting your info, however good topic.
I needs to spend some time learning more or understanding more.
Thank you for fantastic info I used to be looking for this
info for my mission.
Its like you read my mind! You seem to know a lot about
this, like you wrote the book in it or something.
I think that you can do with a few pics to drive the message home a
little bit, but other than that, this is excellent blog.
A great read. I’ll certainly be back.
You actually make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find
this topic to be actually something which I think I would
never understand. It seems too complicated and very broad for me.
I’m looking forward for your next post, I will try to get the hang of it!
Hi! This is kind of off topic but I need some guidance from an established blog.
Is it very difficult to set up your own blog? I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty
fast. I’m thinking about making my own but
I’m not sure where to begin. Do you have any points or suggestions?
Appreciate it
I’m not sure exactly why but this web site is loading incredibly slow for me.
Is anyone else having this issue or is it a problem on my end?
I’ll check back later on and see if the problem still exists.
Yes! Finally something about portogel.
I all the time emailed this website post page to all my
friends, for the reason that if like to read it after that my contacts will too.
Hello there, I discovered your blog by means of
Google while searching for a similar topic, your
site got here up, it seems to be great. I have bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.
Hello there, just was aware of your weblog via Google,
and located that it’s truly informative. I am going
to watch out for brussels. I’ll be grateful in case you continue this in future.
Many other people will likely be benefited out of your writing.
Cheers!
I simply could not leave your site before suggesting that I extremely loved the usual info a person provide to your visitors?
Is going to be back incessantly in order to check out new posts
Hey there, You have done an incredible job. I will definitely digg it and
personally recommend to my friends. I am sure they’ll be benefited from this web site.
Excellent web site you have here.. It’s difficult to find high-quality writing like yours these days.
I seriously appreciate people like you! Take care!!
Genuinely when someone doesn’t be aware of afterward its up to other visitors
that they will assist, so here it occurs.
Why viewers still use to read news papers when in this technological globe all is
presented on web?
I have been surfing online greater than 3 hours today, but
I never found any fascinating article like yours. It is beautiful
price enough for me. Personally, if all website owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the net
might be much more useful than ever before.
Why users still use to read news papers when in this technological world all is accessible on web?
Hi there, just became alert to your blog through Google, and found that it’s really informative.
I’m gonna watch out for brussels. I will appreciate if you continue this
in future. Many people will be benefited from your writing.
Cheers!
Heya this is kind of of off topic but I was wondering if blogs use WYSIWYG editors or if you have to manually
code with HTML. I’m starting a blog soon but have no coding
know-how so I wanted to get guidance from someone with experience.
Any help would be enormously appreciated!
No matter if some one searches for his necessary thing, thus
he/she wishes to be available that in detail, thus that thing is maintained over here.
My spouse and I stumbled over here coming from a different page and thought I might check things out.
I like what I see so now i am following you.
Look forward to finding out about your web page yet again.
Hello There. I found your blog using msn. That is a really
well written article. I will be sure to bookmark it and come back to read more of
your useful info. Thank you for the post. I will certainly
return.
Greetings! I know this is kinda off topic however , I’d figured I’d ask.
Would you be interested in trading links or maybe guest authoring a blog post or vice-versa?
My site goes over a lot of the same subjects as yours
and I think we could greatly benefit from each other.
If you might be interested feel free to shoot me an e-mail.
I look forward to hearing from you! Great blog by the way!
We are a group of volunteers and opening a new scheme in our community.
Your website offered us with valuable information to work on. You’ve done an impressive job and our
entire community will be thankful to you.
Howdy excellent website! Does running a blog like this take a great deal of
work? I have no understanding of computer programming however I was hoping to start my own blog in the near future.
Anyway, should you have any ideas or techniques for new
blog owners please share. I understand this is off topic but I simply needed to ask.
Thanks!
Heya i am for the first time here. I came across this board and I find It really useful & it helped me out a lot.
I hope to give something back and help others like you aided me.
Can I just say what a relief to find somebody who truly understands what they’re
talking about over the internet. You definitely understand how
to bring an issue to light and make it important.
More and more people should check this out and understand this side of your story.
It’s surprising you aren’t more popular given that you
most certainly have the gift.