Jag vet att jag är en periodare.
En bland många.
Ett missbruksbarn av vår tid.
Jag knarkar trygghet och kontroll och när det tar slut, som nu, vad gör jag då?
Jag lättar på låset.
Släpper på ramen.
Ängsligt gläntar jag på den knarrande dörren och famlar i mörkret.
Letar ljusknappen.
Tankarna myllar, flyger, bökar, trängs i dunklet, de formar ord helt för egen maskin, de spottas ut och väller fram som brinnande lava ur en vulkan.
Ostoppbara.
Ganska vackra att betrakta på avstånd ändå.
Men jag vill inte ha dem alltför nära
för det bränns.
Tankarna ter sig oformbara och obegripliga inne i den grå massan. De sväller och tar plats och hamnar i vägen, lite som som klumpiga dörrvakter som hindrar mig att komma in.
Eller ut.
Men jag hänger på låset och ger mig inte.
För ord är konkreta.
De är lösningen.
En sorts motgift.
JA.
Precis vad jag behöver!
Precis vad jag längtar efter.
Motgift.
Bot mot en förgiftad kropp och knopp och allt runtomkring.
Det är vad orden är.
Det är vad orden ger.
Ett sammanhang…
Och nu då?
Nu när jag är åderlåten och nästan alla ord blött ut…
Blir det bättre då?
Nej.
Nej?
Det är balansen som saknas.
Den har aldrig funnits där.
Helt för mycket eller alldeles för lite.
Alltid allt eller inget.
Som en hetsätare och anorektiker i samma person.
Lite som mänskligheten i stort.
Konsumerar allt medan andra svälter.
Balansen felar.
Du och jag, vi ska prata intensivt nätterna igenom och sluka varann hela eller så ska vi förbli tysta i dagar.
Parallelleka.
Låt oss nonchalera verkligheten en stund.
Stunden blir till eoner.
Ett hav av tid flyter stilla förbi, precis utom räckhåll.
I medvetet plågsam tvåsamhet betraktar vi båda hur den andre tynar bort, mitt här i ensamheten där vi tillsammans bor.
Men vi säger inget.
Vi gör inget.
Vi håller andan alldeles för länge i detta själsliga vakuum.
Och sedan blåser vi liv i lungorna igen.
Kippandes efter andan känner vi plötsligt att vi lever, vi lever!
Blodet rusar och vi blir höga på livet och kärleken!
Varma famnar välkomnar den återfunna lyckan.
Fast egentligen är det kanske bara känslan av att ha återfått kontrollen som vi känner av.
Vi syresätter oss snabbt, vi dumma människor.
Vi glömmer fort hur det nyss var.
Vi glömmer.
Om och om, igen och igen.
Jag antar att det är bara så det är.
Livet.
Det är så vi är.
Vi är alla sjuka och skadade, de flesta låtsas bara inte om det.
Eller så förstår vi inte.
Vissa vill inte förstå.
Att just precis så här är livet.
Privilegierad eller ej, så lider vi alla av livet fast på miljarder olika vis.
Och ändå vill vi leva det.
Allra mest i tider då ovissheten stryker runt omkring oss.
Så känns det bättre då?
Nu när orden flutit ut…
Ja.
För för stunden blir det så lugnt och tyst, så sorterat och strukturerat.
Nästan som en perfekt struken duk.
Vit och stram breder den ut sig över bordet och omfamnar det med en slags bestämdhet.
Jag har återfått kontrollen.
Städat i sinnet.
Släppt på trycket, snabbt stängt in smittan.
Min inre poltergeist har somnat av både tristess och svält och vandrar inte instängt runt och luktar förruttnelse mer.
Ibland är det bra att vädra.
Ute blåser en iskall vind men himlen är blå och luften är hög.
Allt går i perioder.
Även du.
Även jag.
Det finns ännu hopp om vår.
Good respond in return of this issue with real arguments and telling everything regarding
that.
WOW just what I was looking for. Came here by searching for %keyword%
http://russkiy365-diploms-srednee.ru/
I do not know whether it’s just me or if everyone else encountering problems with your website.
It appears as though some of the text on your posts are
running off the screen. Can someone else please comment and let me know if this is happening to them too?
This might be a issue with my web browser because I’ve had this happen before.
Cheers
Hi! Someone in my Facebook group shared this site with us so I came to
take a look. I’m definitely loving the information. I’m book-marking and will be tweeting this to my followers!
Outstanding blog and great design and style.
Blog ini sangat menginspirasi dan informatif. Gw sangat menghargai cara penulis menyampaikan informasi dengan jelas dan menarik.
Sebagai seseorang yang tertarik dengan topik ini. Terima
kasih telah membagikan Tulisan ini. Saya berharap bisa membaca
lebih banyak konten berkualitas seperti ini di masa mendatang.
Hey very interesting blog!
Hi would you mind stating which blog platform you’re working with?
I’m looking to start my own blog soon but I’m having a
hard time deciding between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and
Drupal. The reason I ask is because your layout seems different then most blogs and I’m looking
for something completely unique. P.S Sorry for getting
off-topic but I had to ask!
For latest news you have to go to see world-wide-web and on web
I found this site as a most excellent website for most up-to-date updates.
It’s awesome for me to have a website, which
is good for my knowledge. thanks admin
I am in fact grateful to the owner of this web page who has shared this great piece of
writing at at this place.
Its like you read my mind! You appear to know so much
about this, like you wrote the book in it or something.
I think that you can do with some pics to drive
the message home a little bit, but other than that, this
is magnificent blog. An excellent read. I’ll definitely be back.
You could certainly see your expertise within the work you write.
The sector hopes for even more passionate writers like you
who aren’t afraid to mention how they believe. At all times follow your heart.
wonderful publish, very informative. I’m wondering why the opposite experts of this sector don’t understand this.
You should continue your writing. I’m sure, you have a huge readers’ base already!
Hi there, this weekend is fastidious designed for me, as this time i am reading this great educational post here at my residence.
Hmm it looks like your blog ate my first comment (it was super long) so I
guess I’ll just sum it up what I submitted and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your
blog. I as well am an aspiring blog writer but I’m still new to the whole thing.
Do you have any suggestions for novice blog writers?
I’d genuinely appreciate it.
That is very interesting, You are a very skilled blogger.
I’ve joined your rss feed and sit up for searching
for more of your magnificent post. Additionally, I have shared
your web site in my social networks
Hi there, always i used to check blog posts here early in the dawn, as i like to gain knowledge of more and more.
I appreciate you publishing the excellently informative
article. I look forward to reading more of your articles.
Visit my website and become a member of our group! Everyday
promotions and academic assistance are available!
best whatsapp status video tamil
It’s perfect time to make some plans for the future and it is time to be happy.
I’ve read this post and if I could I wish to suggest you
few interesting things or suggestions. Perhaps you can write next articles
referring to this article. I want to read more things
about it!
wonderful put up, very informative. I ponder why the opposite
experts of this sector don’t notice this. You should proceed your writing.
I’m sure, you have a great readers’ base already!
With havin so much written content do you
ever run into any problems of plagorism or copyright violation? My blog has
a lot of completely unique content I’ve either created myself or outsourced but it appears a lot of it
is popping it up all over the internet without my authorization. Do you know any methods
to help stop content from being stolen? I’d definitely appreciate it.
Good day! I know this is somewhat off topic but I was wondering which blog platform are you using for this
website? I’m getting fed up of WordPress because I’ve had
issues with hackers and I’m looking at alternatives for another platform.
I would be great if you could point me in the direction of a good platform.
vente de mГ©dicament en ligne: Medicaments en ligne livres en 24h – trouver un mГ©dicament en pharmacie
I was pretty pleased to uncover this site. I
wanted to thank you for ones time just for this wonderful read!!
I definitely liked every part of it and I have
you book-marked to see new stuff in your website.
It’s an remarkable article for all the web users; they will get advantage from it I am sure.
비아그라가 모든 사람에게 효과가 없는 이유: 비효율적인 결과 이면의 요인 이해
비아그라 효과 없는사람
acheter mГ©dicament en ligne sans ordonnance: pharmacie en ligne pas cher – vente de mГ©dicament en ligne
Hiya! Quick question that’s completely off topic. Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly?
My weblog looks weird when browsing from my apple iphone.
I’m trying to find a template or plugin that might be able to fix
this issue. If you have any recommendations, please share.
With thanks!
It’s appropriate time to make some plans for the future and it is time to be happy. I have read this post and if I could I desire to suggest you some interesting things or tips. Perhaps you can write next articles referring to this article. I want to read even more things about it!
Hi there to every one, the contents present at this site are genuinely amazing for people knowledge, well, keep up the nice work fellows.
I loved as much as you will receive carried out right here.
The sketch is tasteful, your authored subject matter stylish.
nonetheless, you command get bought an edginess over that you wish be delivering the following.
unwell unquestionably come further formerly
again as exactly the same nearly very often inside case you shield this hike.
I’ve learn a few just right stuff here. Certainly value bookmarking for revisiting.
I wonder how a lot attempt you place to make this type of fantastic informative web site.
This design is incredible! You obviously know
how to keep a reader entertained. Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start my own blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Excellent
job. I really enjoyed what you had to say, and more than that,
how you presented it. Too cool!
Blog ini sangat menginspirasi dan informatif. Gw sangat menghargai cara penulis menyampaikan informasi dengan jelas dan menarik.
Sebagai seseorang yang tertarik dengan topik ini. Terima
kasih telah membagikan Blog ini. Saya berharap bisa membaca lebih banyak konten berkualitas seperti ini di masa mendatang.
This is a topic that is near to my heart… Many
thanks! Where are your contact details though?
Hello! I could have sworn I’ve been to this web site before but after looking at many of the
articles I realized it’s new to me. Nonetheless, I’m certainly pleased I found it and I’ll be book-marking it and
checking back regularly!
payday loan
priligy authority – dapoxetine panel dapoxetine real
Wonderful beat ! I wish to apprentice while you amend your site, how could
i subscribe for a blog website? The account helped me a acceptable deal.
I had been a little bit acquainted of this your broadcast offered bright clear concept
Hey There. I found your blog the usage of msn. This is
a very well written article. I will make sure
to bookmark it and come back to read more of your useful information. Thanks for the post.
I’ll certainly comeback.
Hello! Would you mind if I share your blog with my myspace group?
There’s a lot of people that I think would really
enjoy your content. Please let me know. Cheers
Have you ever thought about publishing an e-book or guest authoring
on other sites? I have a blog based on the same information you discuss and would love to have
you share some stories/information. I know my readers would
appreciate your work. If you’re even remotely interested,
feel free to shoot me an e mail.
Thank you for every other informative site.
Where else may I am getting that type of information written in such an ideal method?
I’ve a challenge that I’m just now operating on, and I have been on the glance out for such info.
I like the valuable information you supply to your articles.
I will bookmark your blog and check again here regularly.
I am moderately sure I’ll learn plenty of new
stuff right here! Good luck for the following!
Excellent goods from you, man. I have understand your stuff previous to and you’re just too magnificent.
I really like what you’ve acquired here, certainly like what you’re stating
and the way in which you say it. You make it enjoyable and you still care for to keep it smart.
I cant wait to read much more from you. This is really a great site.
Currently it appears like Expression Engine is the preferred blogging platform out there right now.
(from what I’ve read) Is that what you’re using on your blog?
This design is steller! You certainly know how to
keep a reader entertained. Between your wit and
your videos, I was almost moved to start my own blog (well,
almost…HaHa!) Excellent job. I really loved what you
had to say, and more than that, how you presented it.
Too cool!
This post is in fact a nice one it helps new web visitors, who are wishing in favor
of blogging.
My spouse and I stumbled over here different web
address and thought I may as well check things out.
I like what I see so now i am following you.
Look forward to going over your web page repeatedly.
Hello there! Do you know if they make any plugins to assist with Search Engine Optimization? I’m trying to get
my blog to rank for some targeted keywords but I’m not seeing very good results.
If you know of any please share. Thanks!