— Livet, olyckan, Tankar —

Scared shitless

2014-03-20

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Idag är det dagen jag väntat på.
Som jag trodde skulle komma i höstas, men som lät sig väntas på.
Ikväll ska det sättas in implantatskruvar…
Fan.
Fan.
Fan.
FAN vad jag är rädd.
Scared shitless.
Typiskt mig också, att börja läsa en massa om biverkningar. Själva processen med benborrning och så vidare. Så jävla äckligt! Paniken är ett faktum. Jag kunde ju läst Bamse, världens starkaste björn, istället, det hade varit betydligt mer psykologiskt riktigt! 😃❤️
Flyktläget är aktiverat.
Jag har till och med börjat tänka att jag kanske till och med trivs rätt bra som det är, med lite luckor här och där (det gör jag alls inte, men man kan ju intala sig själv det när man är en fegis som jag 😬😉).
Eller att jag ska avboka tiden och vänta. Vänta på vad? Mod kanske? Eller att vakna en dag och allt bara var en kass B-filmsmardröm.
Ååååååh!
Ångest deluxe. 😱
Och så klart vet jag att jag inte alls kommer att avboka. Jag kommer lydigt och med långsamma steg att gå dit, till tandis. Ligga still. Bara sprattla lite med benen i galonstolen. Kanske till och med hålla Sofie i handen idag…? Bara fälla nån liten ensam tår, inte så mycket för att det gör ont utan kanske mer för det sorgliga med att överhuvudtaget behöva jävla titanimplantat när man är 37 (Jaja, och 8 månader, jag vet!! 😉)
Nu börjar jag verkligen göra skäl för mitt alter ego-namn Tant Agda!
Gnällig, gammal, tandlös, skruttig, snart implantatgammal?! Nu fattas det bara en höftledsoperation och månatliga kafferep också, sen är sagan all. Men först ett tvåtimmarspass Laserdome igen, eller vad säger du Malin??! 😃❤️
Kickasssssss!! 😝
Ja, jag får nog tänka att jag är mer som Rambo idag. Vad fan är ett köttsår liksom, när man har en hel armé och en livsfarlig djungel emot sig? Rambo hade garvat åt titanskruvarna. Ätit dem till lunch, typ. Hm. Ja, så får jag nog tänka och skicka Tant Agda på syjunta ikväll kl 17.30! 😃
/Tant Agda eller kanske Rambo lite grann ändå!

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