Livet, Tankar

18.

18
18 gånger.
Jag har räknat dem alla.
Alla gånger jag försökt koncentrera mig på att skriva en uppsatsplan ikväll.
Det blanka dokumentet stirrar på mig.
Lyser, irriterar, stör.
Får det att klia i bröstet av frustration.
FokuseraFokuseraFokusera.
Men inget kommer.
Inte ens ett ord.
Eller en punkt.
18 gånger.
Det är exakt så många gånger jag kommit på andra tankar.
Tänkt på andra saker.
Allt som inte hör hit. Och allt som gör det.
Allt jag vill tänka. Och allt jag bara vill tänka bort.
Medan det jag borde tänka på virvlar runt planlöst och utan mål därinne i det tomma, mörka, trötta, så tänker jag på precis det jag inte borde tänka på.
Vet du vad vad jag menar…?
Allt.
Allt och inget och ännu mer på samma gång.
18 gånger.
Det är så många gånger jag försökt tvinga mig själv att prestera något. Vad som helst, bara något!
Vara duktig. Och bra. Den jag vill vara.
Tänk rätt!
Inte tänka fel.
Försök göra rätt!
Och glöm för allt i världen det som är mer tilltalande än nåt annat just nu.  Ja, just DET. Det som lockar och drar fastän du inte vill. Och ändå är du fångad. Låst i tanken, fast i en oändlig loop som får hjärtat att slå dubbelslag och som får magen att kittla och bränna och sticka.
18 gånger.
Det är måttet på mitt tillfälliga lilla misslyckande.
Hittills.

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    The reason it will take time to transport the vaccines is that they need to be stored at a precise temperature – below freezing – to maintain their potency, plus they need to be sent to rural areas of South Kivu, like Kamituga, Kavumu and Lwiro, where the outbreak is rife.
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    At the community clinic, Dr Pacifique Karanzo appeared fatigued and downbeat having been rushed off his feet all morning.
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    Mpox – formerly known as monkeypox – is a highly contagious disease and has killed at least 635 people in DR Congo this year.
    Even though 200,000 vaccines, donated by the European Commission, were flown into the capital, Kinshasa, last week, they are yet to be transported across this vast country – and it could be several weeks before they reach South Kivu.
    “We’ve learned from social media that the vaccine is already available,” Emmanuel Fikiri, a nurse working at the clinic that has been turned into a specialist centre to tackle the virus, told the BBC.
    He said this was the first time he had treated patients with mpox and every day he feared catching it and passing it on to his own children – aged seven, five and one.
    “You saw how I touched the patients because that’s my job as a nurse. So, we’re asking the government to help us by first giving us the vaccines.”
    The reason it will take time to transport the vaccines is that they need to be stored at a precise temperature – below freezing – to maintain their potency, plus they need to be sent to rural areas of South Kivu, like Kamituga, Kavumu and Lwiro, where the outbreak is rife.
    The lack of infrastructure and bad roads mean that helicopters could possibly be used to drop some of the vaccines, which will further drive up costs in a country that is already struggling financially.
    At the community clinic, Dr Pacifique Karanzo appeared fatigued and downbeat having been rushed off his feet all morning.
    Although he wore a face shield, I could see the sweat running down his face. He said he was saddened to see patients sharing beds.
    “You will even see that the patients are sleeping on the floor,” he told me, clearly exasperated.
    “The only support we have already had is a little medicine for the patients and water. As far as other challenges are concerned, there’s still no staff motivation.”

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    At a treatment centre in South Kivu province that the BBC visited in the epicentre of the outbreak, they say more patients are arriving every day – especially babies – and there is a shortage of essential equipment.
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    Mpox – formerly known as monkeypox – is a highly contagious disease and has killed at least 635 people in DR Congo this year.
    Even though 200,000 vaccines, donated by the European Commission, were flown into the capital, Kinshasa, last week, they are yet to be transported across this vast country – and it could be several weeks before they reach South Kivu.
    “We’ve learned from social media that the vaccine is already available,” Emmanuel Fikiri, a nurse working at the clinic that has been turned into a specialist centre to tackle the virus, told the BBC.
    He said this was the first time he had treated patients with mpox and every day he feared catching it and passing it on to his own children – aged seven, five and one.
    “You saw how I touched the patients because that’s my job as a nurse. So, we’re asking the government to help us by first giving us the vaccines.”
    The reason it will take time to transport the vaccines is that they need to be stored at a precise temperature – below freezing – to maintain their potency, plus they need to be sent to rural areas of South Kivu, like Kamituga, Kavumu and Lwiro, where the outbreak is rife.
    The lack of infrastructure and bad roads mean that helicopters could possibly be used to drop some of the vaccines, which will further drive up costs in a country that is already struggling financially.
    At the community clinic, Dr Pacifique Karanzo appeared fatigued and downbeat having been rushed off his feet all morning.
    Although he wore a face shield, I could see the sweat running down his face. He said he was saddened to see patients sharing beds.
    “You will even see that the patients are sleeping on the floor,” he told me, clearly exasperated.
    “The only support we have already had is a little medicine for the patients and water. As far as other challenges are concerned, there’s still no staff motivation.”

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    Mpox – formerly known as monkeypox – is a highly contagious disease and has killed at least 635 people in DR Congo this year.
    Even though 200,000 vaccines, donated by the European Commission, were flown into the capital, Kinshasa, last week, they are yet to be transported across this vast country – and it could be several weeks before they reach South Kivu.
    “We’ve learned from social media that the vaccine is already available,” Emmanuel Fikiri, a nurse working at the clinic that has been turned into a specialist centre to tackle the virus, told the BBC.
    He said this was the first time he had treated patients with mpox and every day he feared catching it and passing it on to his own children – aged seven, five and one.
    “You saw how I touched the patients because that’s my job as a nurse. So, we’re asking the government to help us by first giving us the vaccines.”
    The reason it will take time to transport the vaccines is that they need to be stored at a precise temperature – below freezing – to maintain their potency, plus they need to be sent to rural areas of South Kivu, like Kamituga, Kavumu and Lwiro, where the outbreak is rife.
    The lack of infrastructure and bad roads mean that helicopters could possibly be used to drop some of the vaccines, which will further drive up costs in a country that is already struggling financially.
    At the community clinic, Dr Pacifique Karanzo appeared fatigued and downbeat having been rushed off his feet all morning.
    Although he wore a face shield, I could see the sweat running down his face. He said he was saddened to see patients sharing beds.
    “You will even see that the patients are sleeping on the floor,” he told me, clearly exasperated.
    “The only support we have already had is a little medicine for the patients and water. As far as other challenges are concerned, there’s still no staff motivation.”

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