— Livet, olyckan, Tankar —

Känslor – ett överskattat djävulskap?

2016-11-20

Ibland undrar jag om de är överskattade.
Känslor alltså.
Att de är övervärderade, liksom.
Alltså, missförstå mig rätt – klart att det är viktigt att:
1. ha känslor (ofrånkomligt)
2. kunna identifiera dem (bra)
3. förstå dem och sig själv (överkurs)
4. välja hur en ska agera på dem (deluxeversionen av överkursen)
Men det kan vara en förbannelse också, det här med att bli väldigt medveten om sina känslor. Jag låtsas veta detta eftersom jag testat på att till och från vara en halvkänslig prick i flera år nu. Oh, jisses vad jobbigt. Jag konstaterar snabbt att det är rätt drygt och omständligt att känna och tänka och känna och tänka och… Det tar ju aldrig slut!? Hur kan folk leva så här? Det är ju som vara gisslan i en känsloinvasion. Som tur är (?) har jag nästan helt tagit steget tillbaka till mitt vanliga jag, vilket är den logiskt, rationella och förnuftbaserade versionen med alldeles perfekt lagom avvägd bas av känslor.
Så varför är det inte bara så då, hela tiden…?
Som innan?
Hm.
Ja, det vet jag inte.
Kanske är jag fortfarande dränkt av den känslomässiga flodvågen som vällde in i mitt liv för ett bra tag sedan.
Kanske har jag inte torkat upp än.
Inte snyggat till mig och putsat ytan, liksom.
Jag är emellertid en jävel på att vägleda andra med förståelse kring deras tanke-känslor-handlingar, vilket är tur för annars hade jag inte kunnat jobba.
Samtidigt blir jag lite obstinat.
Varför skulle jag drabbas av en stor känsloinvasion, halvvägs genom livet?
Det känns lite orättvist, eller hur.
Mitt fartyg brukar ju kraftfullt och målmedvetet styras rakt fram och inte stanna för allt känslomässigt dravel som skvalpar runt överallt.
Men – tadaaa! – ibland dyker de upp, helt utan förvarning. De där jävla känslorna och tankarna som följer dem som guppande små ankor på parad.
Kanske har livet helt enkelt försett mig med en ny dimension som jag bara måste hantera.
Ett hav med en jämn ström av vågor där valet blir vilka jag ska surfa på, och vilka som bara bör få rulla förbi…
vag
Eller…äsch.
Jag tror jag köpa mig en svart vattentät sammetspåse så jag kan pressa ner alla jobbigheter i den och fortsätta med mitt klarsynta och rationella tänkande istället. Det känns lite enklare än att lära mig att förhålla mig till Den Nya Ordningen med känslovågor som rullar in.
Ja! Bra plan där.
En svarta-hålet-påse för besvärande tankar och känslor utan hejd!
Släng med praliner, doftljus och en vinare – et voilá!
En direkt försäljningssuccé för halvtraumatiserade människor i fyrtioårskris.
Aja.black-velvet
Det är i alla fall tur att en kan skämta om det. 🙂
 

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