Ja, kära jag.
Kära nå´n.
2019 som skulle vara ett svinbra år blev istället ett massivt, tungt slit-och-skitår. Hur kommer detta sig, där ändå en hel del av mina önskningar infriades? Bland annat kom jag ju äntligen in på min efterlängtade Steg 1-utbildning i grundläggande psykoterapi och jag fick resa och skapa guldkant på tillvaron för både mig själv och andra!
Allt det som borde få mitt hjärta att sjunga…
Så hur illa kan det då ha varit?
Jo, samtidigt som jag strösslade livet med glitter, så lyckades jag knappt skriva alls (vilket är min personliga egenterapi) och inte heller fix i köket med mat och bak (vilket är min andra form av egenterapi).
Jag har inte haft vare sig lust, ork eller tid.
Och det står ju för något.
Januari 2019 startade på topp. Jag var ganska hungrig och sugen på att gå utbildningen som jag längtat efter i över fem år. Snabbt så ställde det till sig för mig med en krock mellan arbetsgivaren och Försäkringskassan, med mig däremellan. Redan här började min bitterhet bubbla i bröstet. ((Arbetsgivaren tyckte att jag får avhandla mina kompetenshöjande studier på fritiden och Försäkringskassan tänkte absolut att jag skulle göra det inom ramen för min arbetstid eftersom jag fortfarande är deltidssjukskriven (25%) och då förväntas vila.))
Som socialarbetare ligger man inte inne med någon fet lön, och Lunds kommun är nog en av de lägst betalda kommunerna överlag, speciellt nog om man som jag är trogen anställd sedan många, många år. Dålig lön och inga utvecklingsmöjligheter är en dålig kombination för att bibehålla nöjda anställda. Men jag ville gå utbildningen för min egen skull och satte mig i båten trots att jag visste att den skulle ut på djupt vatten.
Riktigt djupt.
Redan i april-maj började orken tryta på allvar. Jag opererades i käken ungefär samtidigt – en lyckad operation på alla vis, men hela processen kändes samtidigt så oerhört seg. Hur lång tid kan det egentligen ta att bli drägligt rehabiliterad från en olycka?
Sex år…and counting.
Sommaren bjöd på semestrar, utlandsresor, konserter, studenter.
I retrospekt känns det som ett rasande tempo.
Det var det nog inte.
Men så kändes det.
Hösten då? En evighetslång uppförsbacke.
För första gången på säkert 20 år känner jag mig bottenlöst trött, utslagen, ledsen, totalt under isen.
Deprimerad? Möjligen.
Efter många års sjukskrivning är ekonomin kaos.
Och sämre blev den precis när jag skulle gå på ledighet och jag fick veta att arbetsgivaren betalat ut ”för mycket lön”.
Igen.
Och jag blir återbetalningsskyldig.
Igen.
Trots att jag gjort vad jag skulle med sjukintyg och annat.
Igen.
Min tilltro till att vändningen kommer är tvärdöd.
Den är liksom redan begravd och nersköljd med gravöl.
Tack och godnatt och fram med gravstenen.
”Här inunder vilar inte Jennifers kropp utan Jennifers hopp
Som har lämnat oss i stor sorg och saknad.
Kvar finns en torrt, grånande skal som fortfarande älskar popcorn
Men som i övrigt är en blek skugga av vad som var en rätt kul kärring!
Hejdå, Hoppet! Må du vila i frid.”
Så. Hoppet är borta.
Men acceptansen vill inte infinna sig.
Acceptansen kring att jag antagligen aldrig kommer att jobba heltid, alltså. Acceptansen om att min ekonomiska situation är botten.
Acceptansen att jag behöver hitta andra vägar – men kanske inte orkar.
I samma veva har jag gått och blivit mogen tant.
Klimakteriet har infunnit sig. Det är inget som det verkar skrivas nå´t nämnvärt om har jag förstått efter att ha finkammat nätet.
För min del känns det inte främmande.
Det är ju en del av livet.
Värmevallningar, en kropp som förändras, sömnproblem, humörsvängningar, daglig irritation…
Samtidigt har jag förstått att allt det här även kan vara ett resultat av alltför lång användning av alltför hög dos av min underbara smärtlindrande medicin, Gabapentin!
Vad är hönan, vad är ägget?
Ett blodprov kan visa det och ett blodprov är taget.
Resultatet kom idag och visade att JA.
Klimakteriet är här.
Välkommen, värmevallningar och sömnlöshet! 🙂
Nu vet jag i alla fall vad det beror på.
Naturliga orsaker.
Livets gång.
Kära Jag.
Vad kan jag göra annorlunda 2020?
Jag vet alltför väl vad som inte har fungerat, speciellt efter att ha skrivit den här bedrövliga årskrönikan.
Vissa saker kan jag inte råda över.
Andra kan jag.
Jag förstår hur jag återigen har bränt mitt ljus i båda ändar – och hur jag kommer att fortsätta göra det till i juni när utbildningen är slut.
Och se´n?
Ljusare tider!
Så! Vad är planen?
2020 ska jag:
1. Genomlida vårens jobb/utbildning/fortsatta läkarbesök
2. Frigöra mig!
Vad det betyder och hur jag ska lyckas med det är en annan historia.
En historia som redan har börjat skrivas.
Jag kan säga att den helt klart är mer lovande än någonsin förr!
Och sakta, sakta känns det nog ändå som ett nytt litet glimrande korn av hopp har fötts…
Looking to expand your online business? Look no further!
With our verified Stripe accounts, you can easily
accept secure online payments. Say goodbye to hassle and hello to increased sales.
Don’t miss out on this game-changing opportunity. Buy your verified Stripe account today!
Looking to buy verified Skrill accounts? Look no further!
With a verified Skrill account, you can easily and securely
make online payments, transfers, and even receive funds.
Don’t miss out on this convenient and reliable payment solution. Hurry and get your verified Skrill account today!
Are you tired of the hassle and limitations of using traditional payment methods?
Look no further! Buy verified Skrill accounts for a seamless online payment experience.
With a verified account, you can securely send and receive money, shop online,
and enjoy various exclusive benefits. Don’t miss out on this opportunity.
Grab your Skrill account today!
Buying a verified Revolut account has become a popular option for individuals in need of
easy and convenient banking solutions. With a verified account, access to various financial services is made
simple, making transactions and managing money hassle-free.
Whether you’re a frequent traveler, online shopper, or
simply looking for a secure and reliable banking option, purchasing a verified Revolut
account offers peace of mind and flexibility. With the ability to handle multiple currencies, send and receive money
internationally, and make contactless payments, this option is a
game-changer for those seeking a seamless banking experience.
Don’t miss out on the convenience and benefits of a
verified Revolut account – make your purchase today!
If you’re looking to make secure online payments or transfer
money internationally, buying verified Skrill accounts is
a wise choice. These accounts provide an added
layer of security and give you access to a global payment network.
Don’t compromise on safety, opt for verified Skrill accounts for your financial transactions.
Looking to buy a verified Revolut account?
Look no further! Get your hands on a fully verified Revolut account
hassle-free. Enjoy the benefits of a secure
and reliable banking experience with Revolut. Don’t miss out on this opportunity,
purchase your account today!
If you’re looking to expand your online business and accept payments through PayPal, consider buying verified PayPal accounts.
These accounts come with verified information, ensuring trust
and credibility. With a verified PayPal account, you can boost customer confidence, increase sales, and enjoy a seamless payment process.
Check out our range of verified PayPal accounts today and
take your online business to new heights!
Looking to buy verified Paypal accounts? Look no further! We offer reliable and secure options
to ensure smooth transactions and hassle-free payments.
With a verified Paypal account, you can confidently make online purchases and receive payments without any worries.
Choose our service today and enjoy the convenience and
peace of mind that comes with a verified Paypal account.
If you’re looking to enhance your online payment experience, consider purchasing a verified
Skrill account. With a verified account, you gain access to additional benefits and higher transaction limits.
Save time and boost your online financial activities by buying a verified Skrill account today!
If you’re looking to buy a verified Revolut account, look
no further! Having a verified account saves you time
and effort, allowing you to quickly access all the benefits Revolut has to offer.
Whether it’s instant global money transfers or multi-currency accounts, a verified account
ensures a seamless experience. So, don’t miss out on this opportunity and buy your verified Revolut
account today!
If you are looking to buy verified PayPal accounts, look no
further. Our platform offers a variety of verified PayPal
accounts that can help you make secure online transactions.
Whether you are an individual or a business, our accounts come with verified status, ensuring credibility and peace of
mind. Don’t hesitate, buy your verified PayPal account today!
Buy Verified Paypal Accounts – Safeguard your online transactions.
With verified PayPal accounts, you can securely send and receive payments without hassle, ensuring utmost protection for your financial information. Don’t risk
your privacy, choose a trusted seller today and enjoy seamless online
transactions with peace of mind.
Looking to buy verified Neteller accounts?
Look no further! We offer secure and reliable Neteller accounts that are fully verified and
ready to use. Say goodbye to restrictions and enjoy
hassle-free transactions. Don’t miss out on this opportunity, get your verified Neteller account
today!
Looking to buy verified Payoneer accounts? Look no further!
With verified Payoneer accounts, you can easily transact and
receive payments globally. Say goodbye to payment barriers and expand your
business horizons. Get your hands on a verified Payoneer account today and experience hassle-free transactions like never before.
Hello there, just became alert to your blog through Google,
and found that it’s really informative. I’m gonna watch out for brussels.
I will be grateful if you continue this in future. A lot of people will be benefited from your
writing. Cheers! ลานกางเต็นท์ คืออะไร
Piece of writing writing is also a fun, if you know after that you can write or else
it is complex to write. ประวัติ Netflix
You really make it seem so easy with your presentation but
I find this topic to be actually something which I think I would never understand.
It seems too complex and extremely broad for me.
I’m looking forward for your next post, I will try to get the hang of it!
ทีมลิเวอร์พูลวันนี้
Buying verified Payoneer accounts can be a smart move for freelancers,
entrepreneurs, and businesses looking to expand their global reach.
These accounts offer seamless cross-border payments, reduced transaction fees, and access to a wide range of financial
services. With a verified Payoneer account, you can effortlessly manage your funds and receive payments from clients worldwide.
It’s a worthwhile investment to streamline your international financial transactions.
Those who want to work search many sources, but I think one of the best sources is this site.
pharmacy rx world canada: canadian pharmacy no scripts – canadian pharmacies
KuCoin is gaining popularity in the cryptocurrency world, and obtaining a verified account on this trading platform has become essential.
Buying a verified KuCoin account is a smart move for those who want to capitalize on the numerous opportunities it offers.
With a verified account, users can enjoy increased security,
higher trading limits, and access to additional features.
Don’t miss out on the benefits and buy your verified KuCoin account
today!
If you’re looking for a trustworthy and secure platform to buy and sell cryptocurrencies, consider buying a verified
Kraken account. With a verified account, you can enjoy enhanced security measures,
smooth transactions, and access to a wide range of cryptocurrencies.
Don’t miss out on this opportunity to enter the world of crypto trading with
peace of mind. Buy a verified Kraken account today!
They set the tone for international pharmaceutical excellence. indian pharmacy paypal: indian pharmacy paypal – indian pharmacy paypal
If you’re a cryptocurrency enthusiast, having a verified KuCoin account is
essential. Not only does it provide a safer and more
secure trading experience, but it also opens up more opportunities for making
profits. With a verified account, you can trade higher volumes, enjoy
lower fees, and have access to exclusive features.
Don’t miss out on these advantages, get your verified KuCoin account today!
golden bahis giriş
Bahis dünyasında yatırımsız deneme bonusu yatırım şartsız bir bonustur.
bu güzel paylaşım için teşekkürler
Are you looking to boost your online presence with Google ads?
Look no further! Buy verified Google ads account and enjoy the benefits of a trusted and reliable account.
Increase your visibility, drive more traffic, and
maximize your ROI. Don’t miss out on this opportunity to grow your
business!
Are you looking to trade cryptocurrencies hassle-free?
Look no further! Buy verified Kraken accounts and gain access to
a reliable and secure platform. With a Kraken account, you can buy, sell, and store
your digital assets with confidence. Don’t miss out on this
opportunity, start trading with peace of mind today!
Buy Verified Facebook Ads Account – Increase your business’s reach and
visibility with a verified Facebook Ads account.
Get access to advanced targeting options, analytics, and ad management tools.
Boost your brand’s online presence and drive more traffic
and sales. Trustworthy and reliable accounts available for purchase now.
buy clomiphene 100mg generic order imdur pills imuran us
oral methylprednisolone cost buy generic methylprednisolone over the counter order triamcinolone 4mg online
Beyaz Eşya Servisi: Birçok beyaz eşya servisi bulunmaktadır. Ancak, güvenilir ve kaliteli hizmet sunan birini seçmek önemlidir. Beyaz eşya servisi konusunda uzmanlaşmış birkaç firma bulunmaktadır. Bu firmalar, deneyimli teknisyenlerle donatılmıştır ve çeşitli marka ve modellerdeki beyaz eşyalarınızın tamiri ve bakımı konusunda uzmanlaşmışlardır.
If you’re in the market for a verified CoinPayments account, look no further.
With the rise in popularity of cryptocurrencies, having a verified account can give you that
extra level of security and peace of mind.
Don’t waste time trying to verify your own account – buy a
verified CoinPayments account today and start transacting
with confidence.
safe canadian pharmacy: precription drugs from canada – onlinecanadianpharmacy
First off I would like to say awesome blog! I had a quick question that I’d like
to ask if you do not mind. I was curious to know how you
center yourself and clear your head before writing.
I have had a tough time clearing my mind in getting my ideas out.
I truly do enjoy writing however it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are lost simply just trying to figure out how to begin. Any suggestions or tips?
Thank you!
Are you tired of waiting to get verified on Crypto.com?
Well, we have the perfect solution for you! Buy a verified Crypto.com account and
start trading immediately. With a verified account, you can access all the features and
benefits offered by this popular cryptocurrency platform.
Don’t waste any more time, get your verified Crypto.com
account today!
Buy Verified Facebook Ads Account ensures you have a secure and legitimate way to advertise your business
on the world’s most popular social media platform. With a verified account, you can trust that your ads will
reach the intended audience and have a higher chance of success.
Don’t risk your marketing efforts on fake accounts – invest in a
verified account today!
If you’re looking to make secure and hassle-free cryptocurrency transactions,
buying a verified CoinPayments account is the way to go.
With a verified account, you can enjoy the benefits of added security measures and the ability to transact with confidence.
Don’t miss out on this opportunity to streamline your crypto transactions and ensure a smooth experience.
Looking to buy verified Bybit accounts? Look no
further! We offer a secure and reliable service
for purchasing verified Bybit accounts. With our accounts, you can trade cryptocurrencies on Bybit with peace of mind,
knowing that your account has been thoroughly verified and is safe to use.
Don’t miss out on this opportunity to enhance your crypto trading experience.
Get your verified Bybit account today!
Looking to trade cryptocurrency on Bybit? Why not buy
a verified account for added security! Verified Bybit
accounts provide an extra layer of protection against fraud and ensure a smooth trading experience.
Don’t take unnecessary risks, invest in a verified account
today!
Looking to buy a verified Binance account?
Look no further! With a verified Binance account, you can have access to
a wide range of cryptocurrencies and enjoy secure trading.
Don’t miss out on this opportunity, get your verified Binance account now!
Looking to buy a verified Binance account? Look no further!
We offer secure and authenticated Binance accounts that guarantee hassle-free
trading. With our verified accounts, you can enjoy increased limits, faster withdrawals, and enhanced security features.
Don’t waste time waiting for verification, get your verified Binance account today and start trading with ease!
If you are an avid cryptocurrency trader, you know the importance of
having a verified Binance account. But going through the verification process can be time-consuming and daunting.
Luckily, there are now services that offer to sell you a verified Binance
account, saving you the hassle. With a verified account, you can enjoy higher trading limits and
access to exclusive features. So why jump through hoops
when you can simply buy a verified Binance account?
Looking to dive into the world of cryptocurrency trading?
Don’t want to go through the hassle of the verification process?
Buy a verified Binance account! With a verified account, you can trade cryptocurrencies securely and without any restrictions.
Skip the lengthy process and get started on your trading journey today.
Buy Verified Binance Account – Get Started with Crypto Trading Safely and Securely!
Purchasing a verified Binance account ensures a hassle-free and smooth entry into the world of cryptocurrency trading.
With all the necessary verifications completed, you can trade
confidently, knowing that your account is secure.
Don’t miss out on this opportunity to boost your investment journey by saving
time and effort. Buy a verified Binance account today!
Buy a verified Binance account hassle-free!
Gain access to a wide range of cryptocurrencies and trade with ease.
Enjoy added security and instant account verification. Don’t miss out on the opportunity to enhance
your crypto trading experience. Grab your verified Binance account now!
Hello there! Do you know if they make any plugins to assist with SEO?
I’m trying to get my blog to rank for some targeted keywords but I’m not seeing very good
success. If you know of any please share. Cheers!
Are you tired of waiting weeks to get your Binance
account verified? Look no further! Buy a verified Binance
account today and start trading immediately. Avoid the hassle and get instant access to one of the world’s leading cryptocurrency exchanges.
Don’t miss out on profitable opportunities,
buy your verified Binance account now!
Their commitment to global excellence is unwavering. canadian pharmacy sarasota: recommended canadian pharmacies – legal to buy prescription drugs from canada