Ja, kära jag.
Kära nå´n.
2019 som skulle vara ett svinbra år blev istället ett massivt, tungt slit-och-skitår. Hur kommer detta sig, där ändå en hel del av mina önskningar infriades? Bland annat kom jag ju äntligen in på min efterlängtade Steg 1-utbildning i grundläggande psykoterapi och jag fick resa och skapa guldkant på tillvaron för både mig själv och andra!
Allt det som borde få mitt hjärta att sjunga…
Så hur illa kan det då ha varit?
Jo, samtidigt som jag strösslade livet med glitter, så lyckades jag knappt skriva alls (vilket är min personliga egenterapi) och inte heller fix i köket med mat och bak (vilket är min andra form av egenterapi).
Jag har inte haft vare sig lust, ork eller tid.
Och det står ju för något.
Januari 2019 startade på topp. Jag var ganska hungrig och sugen på att gå utbildningen som jag längtat efter i över fem år. Snabbt så ställde det till sig för mig med en krock mellan arbetsgivaren och Försäkringskassan, med mig däremellan. Redan här började min bitterhet bubbla i bröstet. ((Arbetsgivaren tyckte att jag får avhandla mina kompetenshöjande studier på fritiden och Försäkringskassan tänkte absolut att jag skulle göra det inom ramen för min arbetstid eftersom jag fortfarande är deltidssjukskriven (25%) och då förväntas vila.))
Som socialarbetare ligger man inte inne med någon fet lön, och Lunds kommun är nog en av de lägst betalda kommunerna överlag, speciellt nog om man som jag är trogen anställd sedan många, många år. Dålig lön och inga utvecklingsmöjligheter är en dålig kombination för att bibehålla nöjda anställda. Men jag ville gå utbildningen för min egen skull och satte mig i båten trots att jag visste att den skulle ut på djupt vatten.
Riktigt djupt.
Redan i april-maj började orken tryta på allvar. Jag opererades i käken ungefär samtidigt – en lyckad operation på alla vis, men hela processen kändes samtidigt så oerhört seg. Hur lång tid kan det egentligen ta att bli drägligt rehabiliterad från en olycka?
Sex år…and counting.
Sommaren bjöd på semestrar, utlandsresor, konserter, studenter.
I retrospekt känns det som ett rasande tempo.
Det var det nog inte.
Men så kändes det.
Hösten då? En evighetslång uppförsbacke.
För första gången på säkert 20 år känner jag mig bottenlöst trött, utslagen, ledsen, totalt under isen.
Deprimerad? Möjligen.
Efter många års sjukskrivning är ekonomin kaos.
Och sämre blev den precis när jag skulle gå på ledighet och jag fick veta att arbetsgivaren betalat ut ”för mycket lön”.
Igen.
Och jag blir återbetalningsskyldig.
Igen.
Trots att jag gjort vad jag skulle med sjukintyg och annat.
Igen.
Min tilltro till att vändningen kommer är tvärdöd.
Den är liksom redan begravd och nersköljd med gravöl.
Tack och godnatt och fram med gravstenen.
”Här inunder vilar inte Jennifers kropp utan Jennifers hopp
Som har lämnat oss i stor sorg och saknad.
Kvar finns en torrt, grånande skal som fortfarande älskar popcorn
Men som i övrigt är en blek skugga av vad som var en rätt kul kärring!
Hejdå, Hoppet! Må du vila i frid.”
Så. Hoppet är borta.
Men acceptansen vill inte infinna sig.
Acceptansen kring att jag antagligen aldrig kommer att jobba heltid, alltså. Acceptansen om att min ekonomiska situation är botten.
Acceptansen att jag behöver hitta andra vägar – men kanske inte orkar.
I samma veva har jag gått och blivit mogen tant.
Klimakteriet har infunnit sig. Det är inget som det verkar skrivas nå´t nämnvärt om har jag förstått efter att ha finkammat nätet.
För min del känns det inte främmande.
Det är ju en del av livet.
Värmevallningar, en kropp som förändras, sömnproblem, humörsvängningar, daglig irritation…
Samtidigt har jag förstått att allt det här även kan vara ett resultat av alltför lång användning av alltför hög dos av min underbara smärtlindrande medicin, Gabapentin!
Vad är hönan, vad är ägget?
Ett blodprov kan visa det och ett blodprov är taget.
Resultatet kom idag och visade att JA.
Klimakteriet är här.
Välkommen, värmevallningar och sömnlöshet! 🙂
Nu vet jag i alla fall vad det beror på.
Naturliga orsaker.
Livets gång.
Kära Jag.
Vad kan jag göra annorlunda 2020?
Jag vet alltför väl vad som inte har fungerat, speciellt efter att ha skrivit den här bedrövliga årskrönikan.
Vissa saker kan jag inte råda över.
Andra kan jag.
Jag förstår hur jag återigen har bränt mitt ljus i båda ändar – och hur jag kommer att fortsätta göra det till i juni när utbildningen är slut.
Och se´n?
Ljusare tider!
Så! Vad är planen?
2020 ska jag:
1. Genomlida vårens jobb/utbildning/fortsatta läkarbesök
2. Frigöra mig!
Vad det betyder och hur jag ska lyckas med det är en annan historia.
En historia som redan har börjat skrivas.
Jag kan säga att den helt klart är mer lovande än någonsin förr!
Och sakta, sakta känns det nog ändå som ett nytt litet glimrande korn av hopp har fötts…
I think it is the right resource for professional content writers. Because it contains many good resources.
Buying a verified Binance account offers several benefits. It provides a
secure platform for trading cryptocurrencies, ensuring peace of mind
for investors. Additionally, verified accounts enjoy higher withdrawal limits and enhanced security features.
With a verified account, users can access a broader range
of trading options and take advantage of various features offered by Binance.
Don’t miss out on the advantages – buy a verified Binance account today!
In need of a verified Stripe account? Look no further!
Purchasing a verified Stripe account can save you time and hassle.
With a verified account, you can easily process payments and manage your finances hassle-free.
Don’t miss out on this opportunity – buy your verified Stripe account today!
Are you a business owner looking to expand your payment
processing capabilities? Consider buying a verified Stripe account.
With increased credibility and trustworthiness, it offers seamless transactions
and enhanced security. Upgrade your business today!
Want to avoid the hassle of setting up a Stripe account?
Look no further! Buy a verified Stripe account and start accepting
payments instantly. Gain credibility, expedite your business growth, and save time.
Don’t miss out on this convenient solution!
Are you looking for a quick and easy way to accept payments online?
Look no further! Buy a verified Stripe account today and
start processing payments in no time. With a verified Stripe
account, you can trust that your transactions are
secure and your funds will be delivered to your bank account
hassle-free. Don’t miss out on this opportunity, get your verified Stripe account now!
tanitimonayli.com
Buying a verified Skrill account can provide numerous benefits.
With a verified account, users can enjoy increased transaction limits, secure payments, and a better reputation among merchants.
It ensures smooth and hassle-free online transactions, making it
a smart investment for those seeking a convenient and trustworthy payment
platform.
If you’re looking to make secure online transactions, a verified Skrill account
is a must-have. Enjoy added protection while buying goods or services,
and easily withdraw funds to your bank account.
Don’t risk your financial safety – invest in a verified Skrill account today.
Buying a verified Skrill account can accelerate your online financial transactions.
With a verified account, you can enjoy increased transaction limits, enhanced security features,
and easier fund withdrawals. Invest in a verified Skrill account today and streamline your online payment processes!
Been relying on them for years, and they never disappoint. http://indianpharmacy.life/# indian pharmacy
pharmacy website [url=http://drugsotc.pro/#]mexican pharmacy online[/url] pharmacy discount card
canlı casino siteleri
Unfortunately, this quiz has a limited amount of entries it can receive and has already reached that limit
Всегда хотел попробовать свои силы в онлайн казино, и вот я нашел caso-slots.com. Здесь собраны все популярные казино и даже есть список тех, где можно получить бонус на первый депозит. Это просто супер!
Thank you a lot for sharing this with all folks you really realize what you are speaking approximately!
Bookmarked. Please additionally consult with my site =).
We may have a hyperlink exchange contract between us
Are you an Amazon seller looking to expand your business?
Consider buying verified Amazon accounts. These accounts are reliable and
save you time and effort in building your reputation on the platform.
With a verified account, you gain credibility, access
to a wider customer base, and increased sales potential.
Invest in a verified Amazon account today and watch your business thrive.
If you’re looking to expand your online business or start
a new venture on Amazon, consider buying verified
Amazon accounts. These accounts come with a seal
of authenticity, ensuring credibility and trustworthiness.
With a verified account, you can establish a solid reputation and gain access to various benefits.
Don’t miss out on this opportunity to grow your business efficiently and
effectively.
The Antminer D9 is a powerful mining rig designed by Bitmain, a leading manufacturer in the cryptocurrency industry.
With an impressive hashing rate of 2.1 TH/s, this machine is capable of mining multiple cryptocurrencies efficiently.
It utilizes the SHA-256 algorithm, making it ideal for mining popular coins like Bitcoin. The
Antminer D9 features advanced cooling mechanisms and low power consumption, ensuring optimal performance while minimizing energy costs.
With its reliable stability and high profitability,
the Antminer D9 is a top choice for serious cryptocurrency
miners.
Purchase verified Amazon accounts from trusted sellers to
save time and effort. These accounts are guaranteed to be
legitimate, allowing you to start selling or buying on Amazon immediately.
Skip the hassle of creating a new account and overcome any restrictions or limitations.
Don’t miss out on the opportunity to expand your business or enjoy seamless online
shopping. Choose verified Amazon accounts for a hassle-free experience today!
Are you tired of struggling to sell on Amazon? Look no further!
Buying verified Amazon accounts can save you time and frustration. With a ready-to-go seller account, you can start selling right away and avoid the tedious verification process.
Don’t miss out on this opportunity to boost your business and
increase your profits!
If you’re looking to boost your online business, consider buying verified Amazon accounts.
These accounts come with a proven track record and can help establish your credibility on one of the
world’s largest e-commerce platforms. Get started today and
take your business to new heights!
Looking to buy a verified Binance account? Look no further!
With a verified Binance account, you can enjoy enhanced trading
features and higher withdrawal limits. Don’t waste time,
buy your verified Binance account now and start your cryptocurrency journey with ease!
Definitely believe that which you said. Your favorite reason appeared to be on the internet the simplest thing
to be aware of. I say to you, I certainly get irked while people think about
worries that they plainly don’t know about.
You managed to hit the nail upon the top as well as defined
out the whole thing without having side effect , people could
take a signal. Will probably be back to get more.
Thanks http://www.Jeromebaray.com/afm/wiki/index.php/Utilisateur:Fanny15530
Looking to buy verified Amazon accounts? Look no further!
With verified accounts, you can trust that your purchases are made with legitimate sellers, ensuring the best quality and secure
transactions. Don’t risk your money on unreliable sources,
invest in verified Amazon accounts and shop with peace of
mind.
If you’re looking to enhance your online business or increase your presence on Amazon, buying verified Amazon accounts is a smart move.
These accounts come with a solid reputation and are ideal for sellers seeking a boost
in their sales and credibility. Don’t let the competition outshine you –
invest in verified Amazon accounts for a successful e-commerce journey.
Verified Cash App accounts offer a secure and convenient way to manage your finances.
With verified accounts, you can confidently send and receive money, make purchases, and enjoy the benefits of a seamless digital banking experience.
Don’t miss out on the advantages, get your
verified Cash App account today!
magnificent post, very informative. I ponder why the opposite experts
of this sector don’t understand this. You must continue your writing.
I am confident, you have a huge readers’ base
already!
Are you tired of struggling to find reliable cash app accounts?
Look no further! Buy verified cash app accounts and enjoy seamless transactions without any hassle.
Say goodbye to fraudulent sellers and ensure your financial security today.
Looking to buy verified Cash App accounts? Look no further!
Our reliable and trusted service offers fully verified accounts with added security measures.
Don’t risk your money with unverified accounts, choose the best and enjoy
hassle-free transactions.
If you’re looking to trade cryptocurrencies on Binance, buying a verified Binance account can save you time and
effort. With a verified account, you can skip the lengthy verification process and start trading right away.
It’s a convenient solution for those who want to jump into the market quickly and efficiently.
Looking to buy verified Cash App accounts? Look no further!
Our reliable service offers verified accounts with added security and convenience.
Don’t miss out on the opportunity to simplify your financial transactions.
Purchase your verified Cash App account today!
buy lioresal for sale buy ketorolac online toradol for sale
Dmca saldırısı kes senin yaptğını tüm söktör biliyor yapma savaşı bitir.
Looking to buy verified Cash App accounts? Look
no further! We offer a wide range of reliable and secure accounts that have been verified for your convenience.
With our verified accounts, you can trust that your transactions will
be safe and seamless. Don’t miss out on this opportunity, buy your verified
Cash App account today!
Their international insights have benefited me greatly. https://drugsotc.pro/# good pharmacy
betriyal giriş
can be a great tool for indexing
Their health and beauty section is fantastic. http://mexicanpharmacy.site/# mexican pharmaceuticals online
Very nice article post
Heⅼⅼo therе I amm sߋ thrilled Ӏ found yοur web site, I realky fοund you
by mistake, whil І was researching on Aol forr something eⅼse, Anyways I amm hеrｅ now and woսld just lie to sɑy mаny thanks
for a incredible poswt ɑnd a all rߋund enjoyable blog (І alsso
love thе theme/design), Ι don’t haᴠe timе to read tһrough it aⅼl at the momennt
but I һave bookmarked it ɑnd also adɗed yоur RSS feeds,
ѕo when Ihave timе I wіll Ьe ƅack to reaɗ much mօre, Plezse do kеep up the ssuperb jo.
Ꭲake a ⅼoօk at my site :: 明天体育新闻
Dmca saldırısı kes senin yaptğını tüm söktör biliyor yapma savaşı bitir.
canlı casino siteleri
En güzel Bakırköy Escort melez,rus,Türk güzelleri ile harika saatler geçirebilmek isterseniz, sitemiz tamda size göre.
Why visitors stіll uѕe to rｅad news papers whｅn in tһis technological
globe tһe ԝhole thing is accessible on web?
Check oᥙt my blog post; ʻāpōpō nūhou haʻuki
Deneme Bonusu alarak Bedava Bahis yapın ve sizde kazanın. Harika siteler bahis veren bedava tüm deneme yapacağınız casino siteleri burda.
Unless we’ve approved the merchant, account holders
may not use PayPal to send or receive payments for any form of
gambling activities, including but not limited to: payments for wagers,
gambling debts, and gambling winnings, whether conducted online,
in person, or through any other means of communication. “No Limit” means that the amount
wagered is limited only by table stakes rules, so any part or all
of a player’s chips may be wagered. Shortly after each drawing,
your state lottery announces the estimated grand prize amount for the next drawing.
By state law, all of New Jersey’s land-based casinos must operate
within the limits of Atlantic City. When raising, a player must either put the amount of the
raise out in one motion, or state the raise amount.
Specifically, to give out their credit card information. Here we will give some additional information regarding the
hand order in poker, and what you need to make a certain hand.
Poker follows the same basic order of cards as most other card
games. Before heading to the poker room, you should read up on some
of the basic rules for a Texas Holdem game.In Pot Limit Omaha the rules are
quite different. The rules of poker are simple and the way the hands are ranked is
very straight forward. Full House, this is a combination of two weaker
hands we will get to in a bit, the three of a kind and a pair.
When you have four cards of the same value for
example four Queens, you have a four of a kind. The image shows there are ten kind of combinations
you can make in Texas Hold’em Poker. On the poker table, there is a dealer button and everyone takes their turn to be the dealer.
The River: this is the fifth and final community card placed by the dealer.
Players will once again bet on this final betting
round. All raises must be equal to or greater than the size of the previous bet
or raise on that betting round, except for an all-in wager.
There is no limit on raises with only two players
remaining.The number of raises in any betting round is unlimited.
You might be pleased with the large number
listed under ”gross” on your pay stub. Players who sit in consecutive clockwise order from
the button post a blind bet. The betting round then goes around the table to subsequent players in clockwise
order. Many players have made their way in through satellite tournaments that cost much
less to play and offer a seat in the main event
as a prize. Look for casinos with big sign-up bonuses and low wagering requirements to
maximize the amount of real money you have available to play.
Do I Have a Gambling Addiction? Keep the focus on what you
can do today that will help your ongoing recovery from addiction.
If the board for example shows the 5, 6, 7 and 9 of diamonds and you have the 8 of diamonds you will
still have a guaranteed win as the others can not have
that 8 of diamonds.You have a social network at work.
Following a store on social media can also be fun, giving you the inside scoop
on the best ways to shop there and save money. If there on a rare occasion are four
queens on the board, the highest card for both you
and your opponents will complete the hand, having an Ace
in this case will give you the win or at least a split pot.
You can make a hand from the two cards in your hand with three cards on the table, one card in your
hand with four on the table or with all five cards that are on the
table. At its most basic, the arguments boil down to how you feel about three questions, and they aren’t the same questions
spelled out on the ballot. Britain banned slavery in 1833.
Part of the Abolitionists’ success came about due to regulating slave ships
out of existence.
My homepage; kazino
После долгих поисков я нашел отличный ресурс caso-slots.com, где собраны все популярные казино и представлен список тех, где можно получить бонус на первый депозит. Мое приключение в мир азарта начинается именно здесь!
Great article. I’m facing many of these issues as well..
Feel free to surf to my homepage RDS Lisans
Buying a verified Binance account can save you time and effort in getting your account approved.
Skip the verification process and trade cryptocurrencies immediately.
Safely buy a verified Binance account from trusted sellers,
ensuring a smooth trading experience. Don’t waste
time, get started with your trading journey today!