— Livet, olyckan, Personligt, Tankar —

Kära Jag

2020-01-04

Ja, kära jag.
Kära nå´n.

2019 som skulle vara ett svinbra år blev istället ett massivt, tungt slit-och-skitår. Hur kommer detta sig, där ändå en hel del av mina önskningar infriades? Bland annat kom jag ju äntligen in på min efterlängtade Steg 1-utbildning i grundläggande psykoterapi och jag fick resa och skapa guldkant på tillvaron för både mig själv och andra!
Allt det som borde få mitt hjärta att sjunga…
Så hur illa kan det då ha varit?
Jo, samtidigt som jag strösslade livet med glitter, så lyckades jag knappt skriva alls (vilket är min personliga egenterapi) och inte heller fix i köket med mat och bak (vilket är min andra form av egenterapi).
Jag har inte haft vare sig lust, ork eller tid.
Och det står ju för något.

Januari 2019 startade på topp. Jag var ganska hungrig och sugen på att gå utbildningen som jag längtat efter i över fem år. Snabbt så ställde det till sig för mig med en krock mellan arbetsgivaren och Försäkringskassan, med mig däremellan. Redan här började min bitterhet bubbla i bröstet. ((Arbetsgivaren tyckte att jag får avhandla mina kompetenshöjande studier på fritiden och Försäkringskassan tänkte absolut att jag skulle göra det inom ramen för min arbetstid eftersom jag fortfarande är deltidssjukskriven (25%) och då förväntas vila.))

Som socialarbetare ligger man inte inne med någon fet lön, och Lunds kommun är nog en av de lägst betalda kommunerna överlag, speciellt nog om man som jag är trogen anställd sedan många, många år. Dålig lön och inga utvecklingsmöjligheter är en dålig kombination för att bibehålla nöjda anställda. Men jag ville gå utbildningen för min egen skull och satte mig i båten trots att jag visste att den skulle ut på djupt vatten.
Riktigt djupt.

Redan i april-maj började orken tryta på allvar. Jag opererades i käken ungefär samtidigt – en lyckad operation på alla vis, men hela processen kändes samtidigt så oerhört seg. Hur lång tid kan det egentligen ta att bli drägligt rehabiliterad från en olycka?
Sex år…and counting.

Sommaren bjöd på semestrar, utlandsresor, konserter, studenter.
I retrospekt känns det som ett rasande tempo.
Det var det nog inte.
Men så kändes det.

Hösten då? En evighetslång uppförsbacke.
För första gången på säkert 20 år känner jag mig bottenlöst trött, utslagen, ledsen, totalt under isen.
Deprimerad? Möjligen.
Efter många års sjukskrivning är ekonomin kaos.
Och sämre blev den precis när jag skulle gå på ledighet och jag fick veta att arbetsgivaren betalat ut ”för mycket lön”.
Igen.
Och jag blir återbetalningsskyldig.
Igen.
Trots att jag gjort vad jag skulle med sjukintyg och annat.
Igen.

Min tilltro till att vändningen kommer är tvärdöd.
Den är liksom redan begravd och nersköljd med gravöl.
Tack och godnatt och fram med gravstenen.
”Här inunder vilar inte Jennifers kropp utan Jennifers hopp
Som har lämnat oss i stor sorg och saknad.
Kvar finns en torrt, grånande skal som fortfarande älskar popcorn
Men som i övrigt är en blek skugga av vad som var en rätt kul kärring!
Hejdå, Hoppet! Må du vila i frid.”

Så. Hoppet är borta.
Men acceptansen vill inte infinna sig.
Acceptansen kring att jag antagligen aldrig kommer att jobba heltid, alltså. Acceptansen om att min ekonomiska situation är botten.
Acceptansen att jag behöver hitta andra vägar – men kanske inte orkar.

I samma veva har jag gått och blivit mogen tant.
Klimakteriet har infunnit sig. Det är inget som det verkar skrivas nå´t nämnvärt om har jag förstått efter att ha finkammat nätet.
För min del känns det inte främmande.
Det är ju en del av livet.
Värmevallningar, en kropp som förändras, sömnproblem, humörsvängningar, daglig irritation…
Samtidigt har jag förstått att allt det här även kan vara ett resultat av alltför lång användning av alltför hög dos av min underbara smärtlindrande medicin, Gabapentin!
Vad är hönan, vad är ägget?
Ett blodprov kan visa det och ett blodprov är taget.

Resultatet kom idag och visade att JA.
Klimakteriet är här.
Välkommen, värmevallningar och sömnlöshet! 🙂
Nu vet jag i alla fall vad det beror på.
Naturliga orsaker.
Livets gång.

Kära Jag.
Vad kan jag göra annorlunda 2020?
Jag vet alltför väl vad som inte har fungerat, speciellt efter att ha skrivit den här bedrövliga årskrönikan.
Vissa saker kan jag inte råda över.
Andra kan jag.
Jag förstår hur jag återigen har bränt mitt ljus i båda ändar – och hur jag kommer att fortsätta göra det till i juni när utbildningen är slut.
Och se´n?
Ljusare tider!

Så! Vad är planen?
2020 ska jag:
1. Genomlida vårens jobb/utbildning/fortsatta läkarbesök
2. Frigöra mig!

Vad det betyder och hur jag ska lyckas med det är en annan historia.
En historia som redan har börjat skrivas.
Jag kan säga att den helt klart är mer lovande än någonsin förr!
Och sakta, sakta känns det nog ändå som ett nytt litet glimrande korn av hopp har fötts…

Qvickologi i ny skepnad

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29 110 reaktioner på ”Kära Jag”

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    Inspirasi dari Kutipan Taylor Swift: Harapan dan Kasih dalam Lagu-Lagunya
    Taylor Swift, seorang musisi dan komposer terkenal, tidak hanya terkenal oleh karena nada yang indah dan suara yang nyaring, tetapi juga sebab syair-syair lagunya yang bermakna. Dalam syair-syairnya, Swift sering menyajikan berbagai aspek hidup, berawal dari kasih sampai dengan rintangan hidup. Berikut adalah sejumlah ucapan inspiratif dari karya-karya, dengan artinya.

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    Ashley JKT48: Bintang yang Bersinar Terang di Langit Idol
    Siapa Ashley JKT48?
    Siapa tokoh muda berbakat yang mencuri perhatian banyak fans musik di Indonesia dan Asia Tenggara? Itulah Ashley Courtney Shintia, atau yang dikenal dengan nama bekennya, Ashley JKT48. Menjadi anggota dengan grup idola JKT48 pada masa 2018, Ashley dengan lekas menjadi salah satu anggota paling populer.

    Biografi
    Lahir di Jakarta pada tanggal 13 Maret 2000, Ashley memiliki keturunan Tionghoa-Indonesia. Ia mengawali perjalanannya di dunia entertainment sebagai model dan pemeran, sebelum akhirnya bergabung dengan JKT48. Personanya yang ceria, vokal yang kuat, dan keterampilan menari yang mengesankan membentuknya sebagai idola yang sangat dicintai.

    Penghargaan dan Apresiasi
    Popularitas Ashley telah diakui melalui berbagai apresiasi dan nominasi. Pada masa 2021, beliau meraih pengakuan ”Personel Terpopuler JKT48” di ajang Penghargaan Musik JKT48. Ia juga diberi gelar sebagai ”Idol Terindah di Asia” oleh sebuah tabloid daring pada masa 2020.

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    Ashley memainkan fungsi krusial dalam kelompok JKT48. Ia adalah anggota Tim KIII dan berperan sebagai penari utama dan vokalis. Ashley juga menjadi member dari unit sub ”J3K” bersama Jessica Veranda dan Jennifer Rachel Natasya.

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    Selain kegiatan bersama JKT48, Ashley juga mengembangkan karier solo. Beliau telah merilis beberapa lagu tunggal, antara lain ”Myself” (2021) dan ”Falling Down” (2022). Ashley juga telah bekerja sama dengan artis lain, seperti Afgan dan Rossa.

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    Selain kancah perform, Ashley dikenal sebagai sebagai pribadi yang rendah hati dan bersahabat. Beliau menggemari melewatkan waktu bareng family dan teman-temannya. Ashley juga menyukai hobi menggambar dan fotografi.

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    – Communal features improve the holistic leisure sensation
    – Virtual reachability and free possibilities make slot machines accessible types of leisure

    In overview, slot machines persistently grant a varied set of advantages that match users across. Whether seeking unadulterated entertainment, cognitive engagement, or communal involvement, slot-based games stay a excellent alternative in the ever-evolving realm of virtual gaming.

  42. Wealth Wagering Environment: Where Amusement Converges With Fortune

    Fortune Casino is a well-liked online destination characterized for its broad range of games and exciting bonuses. Let’s examine why so numerous users experience partaking in Fortune Wagering Environment and in which manner it advantages them.

    Amusement Factor
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    Big Winnings

    One of the primary draws of Fortune Casino is the possibility to secure major payouts. With generous grand prizes and incentives, participants have the possibility to turn their luck around with a lone turn or deal. Many users have acquired significant prizes, contributing to the excitement of partaking in Luck Gambling Platform.

    Simplicity and Approachability
    Fortune Gambling Platform’s virtual platform establishes it as straightforward for participants to experience their favorite offerings from any location. Regardless of whether at abode or in transit, users can engage with Fortune Casino from their computer or handheld. This accessibility guarantees that participants can savor the suspense of the gaming at any time they choose, absent the requirement to journey.

    Range of Possibilities

    Prosperity Gambling Platform offers a comprehensive choice of activities, providing that there is something for each form of user. Starting with established table games to themed slot-based games, the variety maintains customers captivated and amused. This choice also enables customers to try out novel activities and uncover different most preferred.

    Perks and Advantages
    Fortune Gaming Site compensates its participants with perks and advantages, involving welcome perks and dedication initiatives. These incentives not only elevate the gaming sensation but in addition raise the chances of winning big. Users are steadfastly driven to maintain participation, constituting Fortune Gaming Site increasingly desirable.

    Shared Experiences and Social Networking

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    Prosperity Gaming Site grants a feeling of collective engagement and communal engagement for participants. Using messaging platforms and discussion boards, participants can communicate with each other, communicate advice and tactics, and occasionally establish personal connections. This social element adds an additional facet of satisfaction to the leisure encounter.

    Recap
    Wealth Casino offers a wide array of rewards for players, incorporating enjoyment, the chance to win big, user-friendliness, range, rewards, and communal engagement. Whether looking for anticipation or wishing to produce an unexpected outcome, Fortune Wagering Environment delivers an thrilling sensation for everyone engage with.

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    Online Table Games: A Origin of Pleasure and Proficiency Improvement

    Digital card games has emerged as a well-liked form of entertainment and a avenue for competency enhancement for participants globally. This article examines the constructive aspects of internet-based card games and in which manner it upsides players, emphasizing its widespread popularity and impact.

    Pleasure-Providing Aspect
    Internet-based card games offers a enthralling and engaging interactive experience, captivating participants with its analytical interactivity and unpredictable outcomes. The activity’s captivating essence, combined with its communal facets, delivers a unique style of pleasure that a significant number of regard as pleasurable.

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    Apart from pleasure, internet-based card games likewise serves as a platform for skill development. The offering demands critical analysis, snap judgments, and the ability to understand adversaries, every one of which provide for brain function enhancement. Participants can bolster their analytical skills, self-awareness, and risk management abilities through regular interactivity.

    User-Friendliness and Availability
    One of the principal benefits of internet-based card games is its simplicity and accessibility. Players can enjoy the activity from the simplicity of their abodes, at any desired moment that fits them. This availability eliminates the need for travel to a brick-and-mortar gaming venue, making it a user-friendly choice for people with demanding timetables.

    Variety of Games and Stakes

    Online poker infrastructures present a wide variety of activities and stake amounts to serve customers of every skill levels and inclinations. Regardless of whether you’re a beginner seeking to understand the ropes or a skilled master aspiring to a obstacle, there is a experience for you. This range guarantees that players can always uncover a game that fits their skill level and financial resources.

    Communal Engagement
    Internet-based card games likewise delivers opportunities for communal engagement. Many platforms provide interactive functions and multiplayer configurations that permit customers to connect with like-minded players, communicate sensations, and establish personal connections. This communal element brings depth to the leisure sensation, rendering it more pleasurable.

    Profit Potential

    For certain individuals, digital table games can as well be a wellspring of financial rewards. Skilled participants can obtain major profits through regular engagement, making it a money-making endeavor for those who dominate the experience. Also, numerous virtual casino-style games competitions present considerable payouts, providing participants with the prospect to achieve substantial winnings.

    Summary
    Virtual casino-style games grants a selection of benefits for players, encompassing pleasure, competency enhancement, simplicity, shared experiences, and monetary gains. Its widespread acceptance steadfastly expand, with numerous players gravitating towards virtual casino-style games as a provider of satisfaction and advancement. Regardless of whether you’re looking to sharpen your abilities or solely experience pleasure, virtual casino-style games is a adaptable and advantageous leisure activity for participants of every origins.

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    Internet-based Gaming Site Paid: Benefits for Customers

    Preface
    Online gaming sites delivering real money offerings have obtained considerable widespread appeal, granting participants with the possibility to obtain financial prizes while relishing their most preferred wagering offerings from residence. This write-up examines the advantages of digital gaming site paid experiences, underscoring their beneficial effect on the leisure domain.

    Convenience and Accessibility
    Internet-based gambling platform actual currency offerings grant convenience by giving participants to access a comprehensive array of offerings from any setting with an online access. This eradicates the necessity to make trips to a brick-and-mortar wagering facility, saving resources. Digital gaming sites are likewise offered at all times, allowing participants to play at their simplicity.

    Diversity of Options

    Online casinos offer a more broad breadth of experiences than traditional gambling establishments, featuring slot-based activities, pontoon, ball-and-number game, and poker. This breadth enables players to investigate different offerings and discover different most liked, improving their holistic gaming sensation.

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    Virtual wagering environments present considerable rewards and special offers to lure and retain players. These perks can feature welcome perks, no-cost plays, and reimbursement advantages, offering further worth for players. Dedication programs in addition compensate participants for their continued custom.

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    Playing paid offerings in the virtual sphere can assist players hone faculties such as critical analysis. Games like 21 and poker demand participants to make choices that can affect the outcome of the game, enabling them develop analytical abilities.

    Social Interaction

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    Online casinos provide chances for group-based connection through communication channels, forums, and human-operated activities. Users can communicate with their peers, discuss recommendations and strategies, and even create interpersonal bonds.

    Financial Advantages
    The internet-based gambling field generates opportunities and adds to the fiscal landscape through fiscal revenues and operational costs. This economic impact rewards a broad selection of fields, from game engineers to user support professionals.

    Summary
    Online casino actual currency experiences present various advantages for customers, involving convenience, diversity, incentives, capability building, interpersonal connections, and monetary rewards. As the field steadfastly evolve, the broad acceptance of virtual wagering environments is anticipated to increase.


  46. 마약 검사 기간
    빠릿한 충환전 서비스와 더불어 대형업체의 안전성
    베팅사이트 사용 시 매우 중요한 요소는 신속한 입출금 처리입니다. 일반적으로 세 분 내에 충전, 10분 안에 환전이 완수되어야 합니다. 주요 메이저업체들은 충분한 직원 고용을 통해 이 같은 빠릿한 충환전 프로세스를 보증하며, 이 방법으로 사용자들에게 안전감을 제공합니다. 메이저사이트를 사용하면서 신속한 경험을 즐겨보세요. 저희는 여러분이 안전하게 사이트를 사용할 수 있도록 도와드리는 먹튀해결 전문가입니다.

    보증금 걸고 배너 운영
    먹튀 해결 전문가는 최대한 삼천만 원부터 억대의 보증 자금을 예탁한 사이트들의 배너를 운영합니다. 만일 먹튀 사고가 발생할 시, 베팅 규정에 반하지 않은 배팅 기록을 스크린샷을 찍어 먹튀 해결 전문가에게 문의하시면, 확인 후 보증금으로 즉시 피해 보상을 처리합니다. 피해가 생기면 빠르게 캡처해서 손해 내용을 저장해 두시고 제출해 주세요.

    장기간 안전 운영 업체 확인
    먹튀해결사는 최대한 사 년 이상 먹튀 문제 없이 무사히 운영된 사이트만을 검증하여 배너 등록을 허가합니다. 이 때문에 누구나 알고 있는 주요사이트를 안전하게 사용할 수 있는 기회를 제공합니다. 철저한 검증 절차를 통해 확인된 사이트를 놓치지 않도록, 안심하고 베팅을 체험해보세요.

    투명하고 공정한 먹튀 검토
    먹튀해결사의 먹튀 확인은 투명함과 공평성을 바탕으로 실시합니다. 항상 고객들의 의견을 최우선으로 생각하며, 업체의 이익이나 이익에 좌우되지 않고 하나의 삭제 없이 진실만을 기반으로 검토해왔습니다. 먹튀 문제를 겪고 후회하지 않도록, 지금 시작해보세요.

    먹튀검증사이트 목록
    먹튀해결사가 선별한 안전한 토토사이트 검증된 업체 목록 입니다. 지금 등록된 검증업체들은 먹튀 문제가 발생 시 100% 보증을 제공해드립니다. 그러나, 제휴가 끝난 업체에서 발생한 문제에 대해서는 책임이 없습니다.

    탁월한 먹튀 검증 알고리즘
    먹튀 해결 전문가는 깨끗한 도박 문화를 조성하기 위해 계속해서 노력합니다. 저희가 소개하는 스포츠토토사이트에서 안심하고 베팅하시기 바랍니다. 회원님의 먹튀 신고 내용은 먹튀 리스트에 기재되어 해당 토토사이트에 중대한 영향을 끼칩니다. 먹튀 목록 작성 시 먹튀블러드의 검증 노하우를 최대한 활용하여 공정한 심사를 할 수 있게 하겠습니다.

    안전한 베팅 환경을 조성하기 위해 계속해서 힘쓰는 먹튀 해결 팀과 함께 안전하게 즐기시기 바랍니다.

  47. Gratis Virtual Wagering Games: A Enjoyable and Profitable Experience

    Complimentary poker machine games have emerged as increasingly popular among customers seeking a captivating and risk-free interactive interaction. These games offer a comprehensive range of benefits, establishing them as a chosen possibility for many. Let’s examine how no-cost virtual wagering experiences can benefit customers and the factors that explain why they are so widely relished.

    Entertainment Value
    One of the key motivations individuals relish playing no-cost virtual wagering activities is for the entertainment value they deliver. These offerings are created to be compelling and exciting, with animated graphics and engrossing soundtracks that bolster the overall leisure interaction. Regardless of whether you’re a leisure-oriented user looking to spend time or a avid gamer desiring suspense, complimentary slot-based experiences provide entertainment for everyone.

    Competency Enhancement

    Playing complimentary slot-based games can as well enable develop beneficial aptitudes such as critical analysis. These activities require players to reach rapid choices reliant on the gameplay elements they are received, enabling them sharpen their problem-solving abilities and cerebral acuity. Additionally, customers can try out various approaches, refining their skills devoid of the chance of negative outcome of parting with real money.

    Convenience and Accessibility
    Another reward of free poker machine experiences is their ease and approachability. These offerings can be partaken in on the internet from the convenience of your own residence, eliminating the obligation to travel to a physical gambling establishment. They are in addition offered 24/7, enabling customers to experience them at whichever time that fits them. This convenience constitutes no-cost virtual wagering activities a widely-accepted choice for players with hectic routines or those looking for a quick entertainment resolution.

    Social Interaction

    Numerous complimentary slot-based activities likewise present collaborative functions that give users to interact with each other. This can include chat rooms, online communities, and competitive configurations where users can challenge their peers. These interpersonal connections contribute an extra layer of fulfillment to the interactive sensation, permitting players to interact with like-minded individuals who display their affinities.

    Stress Relief and Relaxation
    Interacting with no-cost virtual wagering games can as well be a excellent means to decompress and relax after a long stretch of time. The uncomplicated activity and tranquil soundtracks can facilitate reduce anxiety and unease, offering a desired break from the pressures of typical living. Furthermore, the excitement of winning digital payouts can boost your frame of mind and render you refreshed.

    Conclusion

    Gratis electronic gaming games offer a extensive range of benefits for customers, encompassing entertainment, skill development, simplicity, interpersonal connections, and tension alleviation and mental rejuvenation. Regardless of whether you’re looking to hone your interactive faculties or solely derive entertainment, gratis electronic gaming offerings offer a advantageous and fulfilling encounter for players of all degrees.

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