Ja, kära jag.
Kära nå´n.
2019 som skulle vara ett svinbra år blev istället ett massivt, tungt slit-och-skitår. Hur kommer detta sig, där ändå en hel del av mina önskningar infriades? Bland annat kom jag ju äntligen in på min efterlängtade Steg 1-utbildning i grundläggande psykoterapi och jag fick resa och skapa guldkant på tillvaron för både mig själv och andra!
Allt det som borde få mitt hjärta att sjunga…
Så hur illa kan det då ha varit?
Jo, samtidigt som jag strösslade livet med glitter, så lyckades jag knappt skriva alls (vilket är min personliga egenterapi) och inte heller fix i köket med mat och bak (vilket är min andra form av egenterapi).
Jag har inte haft vare sig lust, ork eller tid.
Och det står ju för något.
Januari 2019 startade på topp. Jag var ganska hungrig och sugen på att gå utbildningen som jag längtat efter i över fem år. Snabbt så ställde det till sig för mig med en krock mellan arbetsgivaren och Försäkringskassan, med mig däremellan. Redan här började min bitterhet bubbla i bröstet. ((Arbetsgivaren tyckte att jag får avhandla mina kompetenshöjande studier på fritiden och Försäkringskassan tänkte absolut att jag skulle göra det inom ramen för min arbetstid eftersom jag fortfarande är deltidssjukskriven (25%) och då förväntas vila.))
Som socialarbetare ligger man inte inne med någon fet lön, och Lunds kommun är nog en av de lägst betalda kommunerna överlag, speciellt nog om man som jag är trogen anställd sedan många, många år. Dålig lön och inga utvecklingsmöjligheter är en dålig kombination för att bibehålla nöjda anställda. Men jag ville gå utbildningen för min egen skull och satte mig i båten trots att jag visste att den skulle ut på djupt vatten.
Riktigt djupt.
Redan i april-maj började orken tryta på allvar. Jag opererades i käken ungefär samtidigt – en lyckad operation på alla vis, men hela processen kändes samtidigt så oerhört seg. Hur lång tid kan det egentligen ta att bli drägligt rehabiliterad från en olycka?
Sex år…and counting.
Sommaren bjöd på semestrar, utlandsresor, konserter, studenter.
I retrospekt känns det som ett rasande tempo.
Det var det nog inte.
Men så kändes det.
Hösten då? En evighetslång uppförsbacke.
För första gången på säkert 20 år känner jag mig bottenlöst trött, utslagen, ledsen, totalt under isen.
Deprimerad? Möjligen.
Efter många års sjukskrivning är ekonomin kaos.
Och sämre blev den precis när jag skulle gå på ledighet och jag fick veta att arbetsgivaren betalat ut ”för mycket lön”.
Igen.
Och jag blir återbetalningsskyldig.
Igen.
Trots att jag gjort vad jag skulle med sjukintyg och annat.
Igen.
Min tilltro till att vändningen kommer är tvärdöd.
Den är liksom redan begravd och nersköljd med gravöl.
Tack och godnatt och fram med gravstenen.
”Här inunder vilar inte Jennifers kropp utan Jennifers hopp
Som har lämnat oss i stor sorg och saknad.
Kvar finns en torrt, grånande skal som fortfarande älskar popcorn
Men som i övrigt är en blek skugga av vad som var en rätt kul kärring!
Hejdå, Hoppet! Må du vila i frid.”
Så. Hoppet är borta.
Men acceptansen vill inte infinna sig.
Acceptansen kring att jag antagligen aldrig kommer att jobba heltid, alltså. Acceptansen om att min ekonomiska situation är botten.
Acceptansen att jag behöver hitta andra vägar – men kanske inte orkar.
I samma veva har jag gått och blivit mogen tant.
Klimakteriet har infunnit sig. Det är inget som det verkar skrivas nå´t nämnvärt om har jag förstått efter att ha finkammat nätet.
För min del känns det inte främmande.
Det är ju en del av livet.
Värmevallningar, en kropp som förändras, sömnproblem, humörsvängningar, daglig irritation…
Samtidigt har jag förstått att allt det här även kan vara ett resultat av alltför lång användning av alltför hög dos av min underbara smärtlindrande medicin, Gabapentin!
Vad är hönan, vad är ägget?
Ett blodprov kan visa det och ett blodprov är taget.
Resultatet kom idag och visade att JA.
Klimakteriet är här.
Välkommen, värmevallningar och sömnlöshet! 🙂
Nu vet jag i alla fall vad det beror på.
Naturliga orsaker.
Livets gång.
Kära Jag.
Vad kan jag göra annorlunda 2020?
Jag vet alltför väl vad som inte har fungerat, speciellt efter att ha skrivit den här bedrövliga årskrönikan.
Vissa saker kan jag inte råda över.
Andra kan jag.
Jag förstår hur jag återigen har bränt mitt ljus i båda ändar – och hur jag kommer att fortsätta göra det till i juni när utbildningen är slut.
Och se´n?
Ljusare tider!
Så! Vad är planen?
2020 ska jag:
1. Genomlida vårens jobb/utbildning/fortsatta läkarbesök
2. Frigöra mig!
Vad det betyder och hur jag ska lyckas med det är en annan historia.
En historia som redan har börjat skrivas.
Jag kan säga att den helt klart är mer lovande än någonsin förr!
Och sakta, sakta känns det nog ändå som ett nytt litet glimrande korn av hopp har fötts…
Roland Garros is loud ahead of epic clash between Rafael Nadal and Novak Djokovic. Here’s how to watch.
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The first match of the day is about to get going at Court Philippe-Chatrier here at Roland Garros and it is going to be an electric afternoon in the Paris sunshine.
Today’s first contest is a second-round encounter in the women’s tournament between France’s Diane Parry and Poland’s Iga Swiatek. While the home nation’s crowd will certainly be behind Parry, it’s the second clash on the schedule that has everyone’s mouths watering.
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Rafael Nadal, the ‘King of Clay’ and 14-time winner of the French Open held annually on this court, is the sentimental favorite. Nadal has endeared himself to the Paris faithful over the years with his dominance of the French Open and is attempting to make one final run for gold on what could potentially be one of his last runs on these famous clay courts as he alludes to a career which is slowly winding down.
Meanwhile, for Novak Djokovic — the winner of 24 grand slams, the most all-time in the men’s game — Nadal is a major obstacle to the one title he hasn’t won: an Olympic gold medal. The Serb has been open about his desire to win his first gold.
Nadal eked out a win in three sets on Sunday in his first-round match while Djokovic cruised on Saturday in his opening contest. The Spaniard has fought injuries for much of the last two years and his opponent will be favored — but there’s just something different about the Spaniard playing on Roland Garros’ clay.
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The Olympic tennis tournament is underway, but the red clay of Roland Garros is missing some of the sport’s biggest stars, including world no. 1 Jannik Sinner.
While some are sidelined by illnesses and injuries, others are abstaining as a result of the professional circuit’s brutal schedule this summer.
Between the French Open, Wimbledon and the US Open, summer is always a busy season for those chasing an elusive Grand Slam title. Though the rest of the sports world sees the Olympics as the ultimate competition, the Games’ anthem falls flat amidst the prestigious yearly summer tournaments in Paris, London and New York.
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Ben Shelton, the rising 21-year-old US star ranked No. 14 in the world, said the Olympics fall at a tough time in the tournament schedule, as he will be coming off a stint in Europe and wants to prepare for the US Open.
“Having to go back to Europe to play on clay, a different surface – it kind of messes up a few lead-up tournaments to the US Open that I would play if I wasn’t playing the Olympics,” Shelton told reporters in the spring.
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The Olympic tennis tournament is underway, but the red clay of Roland Garros is missing some of the sport’s biggest stars, including world no. 1 Jannik Sinner.
While some are sidelined by illnesses and injuries, others are abstaining as a result of the professional circuit’s brutal schedule this summer.
Between the French Open, Wimbledon and the US Open, summer is always a busy season for those chasing an elusive Grand Slam title. Though the rest of the sports world sees the Olympics as the ultimate competition, the Games’ anthem falls flat amidst the prestigious yearly summer tournaments in Paris, London and New York.
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Ben Shelton, the rising 21-year-old US star ranked No. 14 in the world, said the Olympics fall at a tough time in the tournament schedule, as he will be coming off a stint in Europe and wants to prepare for the US Open.
“Having to go back to Europe to play on clay, a different surface – it kind of messes up a few lead-up tournaments to the US Open that I would play if I wasn’t playing the Olympics,” Shelton told reporters in the spring.
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Philip Kreycik should have survived his run.
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On the morning of July 10, as temperatures crept into the 90s, Kreycik set off from his car, leaving his phone and water locked inside. He started at a lightning pace — eating up the first 5 miles, each one in less than six minutes.
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Then things started to go wrong. GPS data from his smartwatch showed he slowed dramatically. He veered off the trail. His steps became erratic. By this time, the temperature was above 100 degrees Fahrenheit.
When Kreycik failed to show up for a family lunch, his wife contacted the police.
It took more than three weeks to find his body. An autopsy showed no sign of traumatic injuries. Police confirmed Kreycik likely experienced a medical emergency related to the heat.
The tragedy is sadly far from unique; extreme heat is turning ordinary activities deadly.
People have died taking a stroll in the midday sun, on a family hike in a national park, at an outdoor Taylor Swift concert, and even sweltering in their homes without air conditioning. During this year’s Hajj pilgrimage in June, around 1,300 people perished as temperatures pushed above 120 degrees Fahrenheit in Mecca.
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Philip Kreycik should have survived his run.
In the summer of 2021, the 37-year-old ultra-marathon runner used an app to plot a roughly 8-mile loop through Pleasanton Ridge Regional Park in California, a huge stretch of parkland threaded with trails.
On the morning of July 10, as temperatures crept into the 90s, Kreycik set off from his car, leaving his phone and water locked inside. He started at a lightning pace — eating up the first 5 miles, each one in less than six minutes.
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Then things started to go wrong. GPS data from his smartwatch showed he slowed dramatically. He veered off the trail. His steps became erratic. By this time, the temperature was above 100 degrees Fahrenheit.
When Kreycik failed to show up for a family lunch, his wife contacted the police.
It took more than three weeks to find his body. An autopsy showed no sign of traumatic injuries. Police confirmed Kreycik likely experienced a medical emergency related to the heat.
The tragedy is sadly far from unique; extreme heat is turning ordinary activities deadly.
People have died taking a stroll in the midday sun, on a family hike in a national park, at an outdoor Taylor Swift concert, and even sweltering in their homes without air conditioning. During this year’s Hajj pilgrimage in June, around 1,300 people perished as temperatures pushed above 120 degrees Fahrenheit in Mecca.
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The Olympic tennis tournament is underway, but the red clay of Roland Garros is missing some of the sport’s biggest stars, including world no. 1 Jannik Sinner.
While some are sidelined by illnesses and injuries, others are abstaining as a result of the professional circuit’s brutal schedule this summer.
Between the French Open, Wimbledon and the US Open, summer is always a busy season for those chasing an elusive Grand Slam title. Though the rest of the sports world sees the Olympics as the ultimate competition, the Games’ anthem falls flat amidst the prestigious yearly summer tournaments in Paris, London and New York.
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Ben Shelton, the rising 21-year-old US star ranked No. 14 in the world, said the Olympics fall at a tough time in the tournament schedule, as he will be coming off a stint in Europe and wants to prepare for the US Open.
“Having to go back to Europe to play on clay, a different surface – it kind of messes up a few lead-up tournaments to the US Open that I would play if I wasn’t playing the Olympics,” Shelton told reporters in the spring.
The latest on the Paris Olympics
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The Olympic tennis tournament is underway, but the red clay of Roland Garros is missing some of the sport’s biggest stars, including world no. 1 Jannik Sinner.
While some are sidelined by illnesses and injuries, others are abstaining as a result of the professional circuit’s brutal schedule this summer.
Between the French Open, Wimbledon and the US Open, summer is always a busy season for those chasing an elusive Grand Slam title. Though the rest of the sports world sees the Olympics as the ultimate competition, the Games’ anthem falls flat amidst the prestigious yearly summer tournaments in Paris, London and New York.
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Ben Shelton, the rising 21-year-old US star ranked No. 14 in the world, said the Olympics fall at a tough time in the tournament schedule, as he will be coming off a stint in Europe and wants to prepare for the US Open.
“Having to go back to Europe to play on clay, a different surface – it kind of messes up a few lead-up tournaments to the US Open that I would play if I wasn’t playing the Olympics,” Shelton told reporters in the spring.
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Philip Kreycik should have survived his run.
In the summer of 2021, the 37-year-old ultra-marathon runner used an app to plot a roughly 8-mile loop through Pleasanton Ridge Regional Park in California, a huge stretch of parkland threaded with trails.
On the morning of July 10, as temperatures crept into the 90s, Kreycik set off from his car, leaving his phone and water locked inside. He started at a lightning pace — eating up the first 5 miles, each one in less than six minutes.
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Then things started to go wrong. GPS data from his smartwatch showed he slowed dramatically. He veered off the trail. His steps became erratic. By this time, the temperature was above 100 degrees Fahrenheit.
When Kreycik failed to show up for a family lunch, his wife contacted the police.
It took more than three weeks to find his body. An autopsy showed no sign of traumatic injuries. Police confirmed Kreycik likely experienced a medical emergency related to the heat.
The tragedy is sadly far from unique; extreme heat is turning ordinary activities deadly.
People have died taking a stroll in the midday sun, on a family hike in a national park, at an outdoor Taylor Swift concert, and even sweltering in their homes without air conditioning. During this year’s Hajj pilgrimage in June, around 1,300 people perished as temperatures pushed above 120 degrees Fahrenheit in Mecca.
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Kreycik had almost everything on his side when he went running on that hot day: he was extremely fit, relatively young and was an experienced runner.
While some people are more vulnerable to heat than others, including the very old and young, no one is immune — not even the world’s top athletes. Many are expressing anxiety as temperatures are forecast to soar past 95 degrees this week in Paris, as the Olympic Games get underway.
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Scientists are still trying to unravel the many ways heat attacks the body. One way they do this is with environmental chambers: rooms where they can test human response to a huge range of temperature and humidity.
CNN visited one such chamber at the University of South Wales in the UK to experience how heat kills, but in a safe and controlled environment.
“We’ll warm you up and things will slowly start to unravel,” warned Damian Bailey, a physiology and biochemistry professor at the university. Bailey uses a plethora of instruments to track vital signs — heart rate, brain blood flow and skin temperature — while subjects are at rest or doing light exercise on a bike.
The room starts at a comfortable 73 degrees Fahrenheit but ramps up to 104. Then scientists hit their subjects with extreme humidity, shooting from a dry 20% to an oppressive 85%.
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Kreycik had almost everything on his side when he went running on that hot day: he was extremely fit, relatively young and was an experienced runner.
While some people are more vulnerable to heat than others, including the very old and young, no one is immune — not even the world’s top athletes. Many are expressing anxiety as temperatures are forecast to soar past 95 degrees this week in Paris, as the Olympic Games get underway.
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Scientists are still trying to unravel the many ways heat attacks the body. One way they do this is with environmental chambers: rooms where they can test human response to a huge range of temperature and humidity.
CNN visited one such chamber at the University of South Wales in the UK to experience how heat kills, but in a safe and controlled environment.
“We’ll warm you up and things will slowly start to unravel,” warned Damian Bailey, a physiology and biochemistry professor at the university. Bailey uses a plethora of instruments to track vital signs — heart rate, brain blood flow and skin temperature — while subjects are at rest or doing light exercise on a bike.
The room starts at a comfortable 73 degrees Fahrenheit but ramps up to 104. Then scientists hit their subjects with extreme humidity, shooting from a dry 20% to an oppressive 85%.
“That’s the killer,” Bailey said, “it’s the humidity you cannot acclimatize to.”
And that’s when things get tough.
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Kreycik had almost everything on his side when he went running on that hot day: he was extremely fit, relatively young and was an experienced runner.
While some people are more vulnerable to heat than others, including the very old and young, no one is immune — not even the world’s top athletes. Many are expressing anxiety as temperatures are forecast to soar past 95 degrees this week in Paris, as the Olympic Games get underway.
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Scientists are still trying to unravel the many ways heat attacks the body. One way they do this is with environmental chambers: rooms where they can test human response to a huge range of temperature and humidity.
CNN visited one such chamber at the University of South Wales in the UK to experience how heat kills, but in a safe and controlled environment.
“We’ll warm you up and things will slowly start to unravel,” warned Damian Bailey, a physiology and biochemistry professor at the university. Bailey uses a plethora of instruments to track vital signs — heart rate, brain blood flow and skin temperature — while subjects are at rest or doing light exercise on a bike.
The room starts at a comfortable 73 degrees Fahrenheit but ramps up to 104. Then scientists hit their subjects with extreme humidity, shooting from a dry 20% to an oppressive 85%.
“That’s the killer,” Bailey said, “it’s the humidity you cannot acclimatize to.”
And that’s when things get tough.
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Kreycik had almost everything on his side when he went running on that hot day: he was extremely fit, relatively young and was an experienced runner.
While some people are more vulnerable to heat than others, including the very old and young, no one is immune — not even the world’s top athletes. Many are expressing anxiety as temperatures are forecast to soar past 95 degrees this week in Paris, as the Olympic Games get underway.
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Scientists are still trying to unravel the many ways heat attacks the body. One way they do this is with environmental chambers: rooms where they can test human response to a huge range of temperature and humidity.
CNN visited one such chamber at the University of South Wales in the UK to experience how heat kills, but in a safe and controlled environment.
“We’ll warm you up and things will slowly start to unravel,” warned Damian Bailey, a physiology and biochemistry professor at the university. Bailey uses a plethora of instruments to track vital signs — heart rate, brain blood flow and skin temperature — while subjects are at rest or doing light exercise on a bike.
The room starts at a comfortable 73 degrees Fahrenheit but ramps up to 104. Then scientists hit their subjects with extreme humidity, shooting from a dry 20% to an oppressive 85%.
“That’s the killer,” Bailey said, “it’s the humidity you cannot acclimatize to.”
And that’s when things get tough.
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Kreycik had almost everything on his side when he went running on that hot day: he was extremely fit, relatively young and was an experienced runner.
While some people are more vulnerable to heat than others, including the very old and young, no one is immune — not even the world’s top athletes. Many are expressing anxiety as temperatures are forecast to soar past 95 degrees this week in Paris, as the Olympic Games get underway.
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Scientists are still trying to unravel the many ways heat attacks the body. One way they do this is with environmental chambers: rooms where they can test human response to a huge range of temperature and humidity.
CNN visited one such chamber at the University of South Wales in the UK to experience how heat kills, but in a safe and controlled environment.
“We’ll warm you up and things will slowly start to unravel,” warned Damian Bailey, a physiology and biochemistry professor at the university. Bailey uses a plethora of instruments to track vital signs — heart rate, brain blood flow and skin temperature — while subjects are at rest or doing light exercise on a bike.
The room starts at a comfortable 73 degrees Fahrenheit but ramps up to 104. Then scientists hit their subjects with extreme humidity, shooting from a dry 20% to an oppressive 85%.
“That’s the killer,” Bailey said, “it’s the humidity you cannot acclimatize to.”
And that’s when things get tough.
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Inside a heat chamber
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Kreycik had almost everything on his side when he went running on that hot day: he was extremely fit, relatively young and was an experienced runner.
While some people are more vulnerable to heat than others, including the very old and young, no one is immune — not even the world’s top athletes. Many are expressing anxiety as temperatures are forecast to soar past 95 degrees this week in Paris, as the Olympic Games get underway.
https://kraken18s.com
kraken зайти
Scientists are still trying to unravel the many ways heat attacks the body. One way they do this is with environmental chambers: rooms where they can test human response to a huge range of temperature and humidity.
CNN visited one such chamber at the University of South Wales in the UK to experience how heat kills, but in a safe and controlled environment.
“We’ll warm you up and things will slowly start to unravel,” warned Damian Bailey, a physiology and biochemistry professor at the university. Bailey uses a plethora of instruments to track vital signs — heart rate, brain blood flow and skin temperature — while subjects are at rest or doing light exercise on a bike.
The room starts at a comfortable 73 degrees Fahrenheit but ramps up to 104. Then scientists hit their subjects with extreme humidity, shooting from a dry 20% to an oppressive 85%.
“That’s the killer,” Bailey said, “it’s the humidity you cannot acclimatize to.”
And that’s when things get tough.
Inside a heat chamber
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Kreycik had almost everything on his side when he went running on that hot day: he was extremely fit, relatively young and was an experienced runner.
While some people are more vulnerable to heat than others, including the very old and young, no one is immune — not even the world’s top athletes. Many are expressing anxiety as temperatures are forecast to soar past 95 degrees this week in Paris, as the Olympic Games get underway.
https://kraken18s.com
kraken
Scientists are still trying to unravel the many ways heat attacks the body. One way they do this is with environmental chambers: rooms where they can test human response to a huge range of temperature and humidity.
CNN visited one such chamber at the University of South Wales in the UK to experience how heat kills, but in a safe and controlled environment.
“We’ll warm you up and things will slowly start to unravel,” warned Damian Bailey, a physiology and biochemistry professor at the university. Bailey uses a plethora of instruments to track vital signs — heart rate, brain blood flow and skin temperature — while subjects are at rest or doing light exercise on a bike.
The room starts at a comfortable 73 degrees Fahrenheit but ramps up to 104. Then scientists hit their subjects with extreme humidity, shooting from a dry 20% to an oppressive 85%.
“That’s the killer,” Bailey said, “it’s the humidity you cannot acclimatize to.”
And that’s when things get tough.
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