Ja, kära jag.
Kära nå´n.
2019 som skulle vara ett svinbra år blev istället ett massivt, tungt slit-och-skitår. Hur kommer detta sig, där ändå en hel del av mina önskningar infriades? Bland annat kom jag ju äntligen in på min efterlängtade Steg 1-utbildning i grundläggande psykoterapi och jag fick resa och skapa guldkant på tillvaron för både mig själv och andra!
Allt det som borde få mitt hjärta att sjunga…
Så hur illa kan det då ha varit?
Jo, samtidigt som jag strösslade livet med glitter, så lyckades jag knappt skriva alls (vilket är min personliga egenterapi) och inte heller fix i köket med mat och bak (vilket är min andra form av egenterapi).
Jag har inte haft vare sig lust, ork eller tid.
Och det står ju för något.
Januari 2019 startade på topp. Jag var ganska hungrig och sugen på att gå utbildningen som jag längtat efter i över fem år. Snabbt så ställde det till sig för mig med en krock mellan arbetsgivaren och Försäkringskassan, med mig däremellan. Redan här började min bitterhet bubbla i bröstet. ((Arbetsgivaren tyckte att jag får avhandla mina kompetenshöjande studier på fritiden och Försäkringskassan tänkte absolut att jag skulle göra det inom ramen för min arbetstid eftersom jag fortfarande är deltidssjukskriven (25%) och då förväntas vila.))
Som socialarbetare ligger man inte inne med någon fet lön, och Lunds kommun är nog en av de lägst betalda kommunerna överlag, speciellt nog om man som jag är trogen anställd sedan många, många år. Dålig lön och inga utvecklingsmöjligheter är en dålig kombination för att bibehålla nöjda anställda. Men jag ville gå utbildningen för min egen skull och satte mig i båten trots att jag visste att den skulle ut på djupt vatten.
Riktigt djupt.
Redan i april-maj började orken tryta på allvar. Jag opererades i käken ungefär samtidigt – en lyckad operation på alla vis, men hela processen kändes samtidigt så oerhört seg. Hur lång tid kan det egentligen ta att bli drägligt rehabiliterad från en olycka?
Sex år…and counting.
Sommaren bjöd på semestrar, utlandsresor, konserter, studenter.
I retrospekt känns det som ett rasande tempo.
Det var det nog inte.
Men så kändes det.
Hösten då? En evighetslång uppförsbacke.
För första gången på säkert 20 år känner jag mig bottenlöst trött, utslagen, ledsen, totalt under isen.
Deprimerad? Möjligen.
Efter många års sjukskrivning är ekonomin kaos.
Och sämre blev den precis när jag skulle gå på ledighet och jag fick veta att arbetsgivaren betalat ut ”för mycket lön”.
Igen.
Och jag blir återbetalningsskyldig.
Igen.
Trots att jag gjort vad jag skulle med sjukintyg och annat.
Igen.
Min tilltro till att vändningen kommer är tvärdöd.
Den är liksom redan begravd och nersköljd med gravöl.
Tack och godnatt och fram med gravstenen.
”Här inunder vilar inte Jennifers kropp utan Jennifers hopp
Som har lämnat oss i stor sorg och saknad.
Kvar finns en torrt, grånande skal som fortfarande älskar popcorn
Men som i övrigt är en blek skugga av vad som var en rätt kul kärring!
Hejdå, Hoppet! Må du vila i frid.”
Så. Hoppet är borta.
Men acceptansen vill inte infinna sig.
Acceptansen kring att jag antagligen aldrig kommer att jobba heltid, alltså. Acceptansen om att min ekonomiska situation är botten.
Acceptansen att jag behöver hitta andra vägar – men kanske inte orkar.
I samma veva har jag gått och blivit mogen tant.
Klimakteriet har infunnit sig. Det är inget som det verkar skrivas nå´t nämnvärt om har jag förstått efter att ha finkammat nätet.
För min del känns det inte främmande.
Det är ju en del av livet.
Värmevallningar, en kropp som förändras, sömnproblem, humörsvängningar, daglig irritation…
Samtidigt har jag förstått att allt det här även kan vara ett resultat av alltför lång användning av alltför hög dos av min underbara smärtlindrande medicin, Gabapentin!
Vad är hönan, vad är ägget?
Ett blodprov kan visa det och ett blodprov är taget.
Resultatet kom idag och visade att JA.
Klimakteriet är här.
Välkommen, värmevallningar och sömnlöshet! 🙂
Nu vet jag i alla fall vad det beror på.
Naturliga orsaker.
Livets gång.
Kära Jag.
Vad kan jag göra annorlunda 2020?
Jag vet alltför väl vad som inte har fungerat, speciellt efter att ha skrivit den här bedrövliga årskrönikan.
Vissa saker kan jag inte råda över.
Andra kan jag.
Jag förstår hur jag återigen har bränt mitt ljus i båda ändar – och hur jag kommer att fortsätta göra det till i juni när utbildningen är slut.
Och se´n?
Ljusare tider!
Så! Vad är planen?
2020 ska jag:
1. Genomlida vårens jobb/utbildning/fortsatta läkarbesök
2. Frigöra mig!
Vad det betyder och hur jag ska lyckas med det är en annan historia.
En historia som redan har börjat skrivas.
Jag kan säga att den helt klart är mer lovande än någonsin förr!
Och sakta, sakta känns det nog ändå som ett nytt litet glimrande korn av hopp har fötts…
Профессиональный сервисный центр по ремонту фото техники от зеркальных до цифровых фотоаппаратов.
Мы предлагаем: ремонт цифровых фотоаппаратов
Наши мастера оперативно устранят неисправности вашего устройства в сервисе или с выездом на дом!
thx
Профессиональный сервисный центр по ремонту фото техники от зеркальных до цифровых фотоаппаратов.
Мы предлагаем: диагностика и ремонт фотоаппаратов
Наши мастера оперативно устранят неисправности вашего устройства в сервисе или с выездом на дом!
Ретрит http://ретриты.рф международное обозначение времяпрепровождения, посвящённого духовной практике. Ретриты бывают уединённые и коллективные; на коллективных чаще всего проводится обучение практике медитации.
Medical staff on the front line of the battle against mpox in eastern Democratic Republic of Congo have told the BBC they are desperate for vaccines to arrive so they can stem the rate of new infections.
[url=https://blacksprut-bs2w.com]блэкспрут даркнет[/url]
At a treatment centre in South Kivu province that the BBC visited in the epicentre of the outbreak, they say more patients are arriving every day – especially babies – and there is a shortage of essential equipment.
СЃРїСЂСѓС‚ onion
https://www.bs2webat.com
Mpox – formerly known as monkeypox – is a highly contagious disease and has killed at least 635 people in DR Congo this year.
Even though 200,000 vaccines, donated by the European Commission, were flown into the capital, Kinshasa, last week, they are yet to be transported across this vast country – and it could be several weeks before they reach South Kivu.
“We’ve learned from social media that the vaccine is already available,” Emmanuel Fikiri, a nurse working at the clinic that has been turned into a specialist centre to tackle the virus, told the BBC.
He said this was the first time he had treated patients with mpox and every day he feared catching it and passing it on to his own children – aged seven, five and one.
“You saw how I touched the patients because that’s my job as a nurse. So, we’re asking the government to help us by first giving us the vaccines.”
The reason it will take time to transport the vaccines is that they need to be stored at a precise temperature – below freezing – to maintain their potency, plus they need to be sent to rural areas of South Kivu, like Kamituga, Kavumu and Lwiro, where the outbreak is rife.
The lack of infrastructure and bad roads mean that helicopters could possibly be used to drop some of the vaccines, which will further drive up costs in a country that is already struggling financially.
At the community clinic, Dr Pacifique Karanzo appeared fatigued and downbeat having been rushed off his feet all morning.
Although he wore a face shield, I could see the sweat running down his face. He said he was saddened to see patients sharing beds.
“You will even see that the patients are sleeping on the floor,” he told me, clearly exasperated.
“The only support we have already had is a little medicine for the patients and water. As far as other challenges are concerned, there’s still no staff motivation.”
[url=https://www.blacksprut2rprrt3aoigwh7zftiprzqyqynzz2eiimmwmykw7wkpyad.shop]блекспрут[/url]
Thanks, nice content!
Medical staff on the front line of the battle against mpox in eastern Democratic Republic of Congo have told the BBC they are desperate for vaccines to arrive so they can stem the rate of new infections.
[url=https://bs2tsite1cc.com]СЃРїСЂСѓС‚[/url]
At a treatment centre in South Kivu province that the BBC visited in the epicentre of the outbreak, they say more patients are arriving every day – especially babies – and there is a shortage of essential equipment.
зеркала блэк спрут
https://bsr2.org
Mpox – formerly known as monkeypox – is a highly contagious disease and has killed at least 635 people in DR Congo this year.
Even though 200,000 vaccines, donated by the European Commission, were flown into the capital, Kinshasa, last week, they are yet to be transported across this vast country – and it could be several weeks before they reach South Kivu.
“We’ve learned from social media that the vaccine is already available,” Emmanuel Fikiri, a nurse working at the clinic that has been turned into a specialist centre to tackle the virus, told the BBC.
He said this was the first time he had treated patients with mpox and every day he feared catching it and passing it on to his own children – aged seven, five and one.
“You saw how I touched the patients because that’s my job as a nurse. So, we’re asking the government to help us by first giving us the vaccines.”
The reason it will take time to transport the vaccines is that they need to be stored at a precise temperature – below freezing – to maintain their potency, plus they need to be sent to rural areas of South Kivu, like Kamituga, Kavumu and Lwiro, where the outbreak is rife.
The lack of infrastructure and bad roads mean that helicopters could possibly be used to drop some of the vaccines, which will further drive up costs in a country that is already struggling financially.
At the community clinic, Dr Pacifique Karanzo appeared fatigued and downbeat having been rushed off his feet all morning.
Although he wore a face shield, I could see the sweat running down his face. He said he was saddened to see patients sharing beds.
“You will even see that the patients are sleeping on the floor,” he told me, clearly exasperated.
“The only support we have already had is a little medicine for the patients and water. As far as other challenges are concerned, there’s still no staff motivation.”
[url=https://bs4w.in]блэкспрут[/url]
Medical staff on the front line of the battle against mpox in eastern Democratic Republic of Congo have told the BBC they are desperate for vaccines to arrive so they can stem the rate of new infections.
[url=https://www.bs2tsite-cc.net]black sprut[/url]
At a treatment centre in South Kivu province that the BBC visited in the epicentre of the outbreak, they say more patients are arriving every day – especially babies – and there is a shortage of essential equipment.
спрут зеркало
https://blsp2web.shop
Mpox – formerly known as monkeypox – is a highly contagious disease and has killed at least 635 people in DR Congo this year.
Even though 200,000 vaccines, donated by the European Commission, were flown into the capital, Kinshasa, last week, they are yet to be transported across this vast country – and it could be several weeks before they reach South Kivu.
“We’ve learned from social media that the vaccine is already available,” Emmanuel Fikiri, a nurse working at the clinic that has been turned into a specialist centre to tackle the virus, told the BBC.
He said this was the first time he had treated patients with mpox and every day he feared catching it and passing it on to his own children – aged seven, five and one.
“You saw how I touched the patients because that’s my job as a nurse. So, we’re asking the government to help us by first giving us the vaccines.”
The reason it will take time to transport the vaccines is that they need to be stored at a precise temperature – below freezing – to maintain their potency, plus they need to be sent to rural areas of South Kivu, like Kamituga, Kavumu and Lwiro, where the outbreak is rife.
The lack of infrastructure and bad roads mean that helicopters could possibly be used to drop some of the vaccines, which will further drive up costs in a country that is already struggling financially.
At the community clinic, Dr Pacifique Karanzo appeared fatigued and downbeat having been rushed off his feet all morning.
Although he wore a face shield, I could see the sweat running down his face. He said he was saddened to see patients sharing beds.
“You will even see that the patients are sleeping on the floor,” he told me, clearly exasperated.
“The only support we have already had is a little medicine for the patients and water. As far as other challenges are concerned, there’s still no staff motivation.”
[url=https://http-blacksprut2rprrt3aoigwh7zftiprzqyqynzz2eiimmwmykw7wkpyad.com]блэкспрут[/url]
Medical staff on the front line of the battle against mpox in eastern Democratic Republic of Congo have told the BBC they are desperate for vaccines to arrive so they can stem the rate of new infections.
[url=https://bs-hn.com]bs2site.at[/url]
At a treatment centre in South Kivu province that the BBC visited in the epicentre of the outbreak, they say more patients are arriving every day – especially babies – and there is a shortage of essential equipment.
спрут зеркало
https://blacksprut2rprrt3aoigwh7zftiprzqyqynzz2eiimmwmykw7wkpyd.com
Mpox – formerly known as monkeypox – is a highly contagious disease and has killed at least 635 people in DR Congo this year.
Even though 200,000 vaccines, donated by the European Commission, were flown into the capital, Kinshasa, last week, they are yet to be transported across this vast country – and it could be several weeks before they reach South Kivu.
“We’ve learned from social media that the vaccine is already available,” Emmanuel Fikiri, a nurse working at the clinic that has been turned into a specialist centre to tackle the virus, told the BBC.
He said this was the first time he had treated patients with mpox and every day he feared catching it and passing it on to his own children – aged seven, five and one.
“You saw how I touched the patients because that’s my job as a nurse. So, we’re asking the government to help us by first giving us the vaccines.”
The reason it will take time to transport the vaccines is that they need to be stored at a precise temperature – below freezing – to maintain their potency, plus they need to be sent to rural areas of South Kivu, like Kamituga, Kavumu and Lwiro, where the outbreak is rife.
The lack of infrastructure and bad roads mean that helicopters could possibly be used to drop some of the vaccines, which will further drive up costs in a country that is already struggling financially.
At the community clinic, Dr Pacifique Karanzo appeared fatigued and downbeat having been rushed off his feet all morning.
Although he wore a face shield, I could see the sweat running down his face. He said he was saddened to see patients sharing beds.
“You will even see that the patients are sleeping on the floor,” he told me, clearly exasperated.
“The only support we have already had is a little medicine for the patients and water. As far as other challenges are concerned, there’s still no staff motivation.”
[url=https://bs-hn.com]blacksprut2rprrt3aoigwh7zftiprzqyqynzz2eiimmwmykw7wkpyad.onion[/url]
Medical staff on the front line of the battle against mpox in eastern Democratic Republic of Congo have told the BBC they are desperate for vaccines to arrive so they can stem the rate of new infections.
[url=https://www.bs2clear-darknet.com]блэк спрут ссылка[/url]
At a treatment centre in South Kivu province that the BBC visited in the epicentre of the outbreak, they say more patients are arriving every day – especially babies – and there is a shortage of essential equipment.
blackspruty4w3j4bzyhlk24jr32wbpnfo3oyywn4ckwylo4hkcyy4yd.onion
https://www.bsprut.cc
Mpox – formerly known as monkeypox – is a highly contagious disease and has killed at least 635 people in DR Congo this year.
Even though 200,000 vaccines, donated by the European Commission, were flown into the capital, Kinshasa, last week, they are yet to be transported across this vast country – and it could be several weeks before they reach South Kivu.
“We’ve learned from social media that the vaccine is already available,” Emmanuel Fikiri, a nurse working at the clinic that has been turned into a specialist centre to tackle the virus, told the BBC.
He said this was the first time he had treated patients with mpox and every day he feared catching it and passing it on to his own children – aged seven, five and one.
“You saw how I touched the patients because that’s my job as a nurse. So, we’re asking the government to help us by first giving us the vaccines.”
The reason it will take time to transport the vaccines is that they need to be stored at a precise temperature – below freezing – to maintain their potency, plus they need to be sent to rural areas of South Kivu, like Kamituga, Kavumu and Lwiro, where the outbreak is rife.
The lack of infrastructure and bad roads mean that helicopters could possibly be used to drop some of the vaccines, which will further drive up costs in a country that is already struggling financially.
At the community clinic, Dr Pacifique Karanzo appeared fatigued and downbeat having been rushed off his feet all morning.
Although he wore a face shield, I could see the sweat running down his face. He said he was saddened to see patients sharing beds.
“You will even see that the patients are sleeping on the floor,” he told me, clearly exasperated.
“The only support we have already had is a little medicine for the patients and water. As far as other challenges are concerned, there’s still no staff motivation.”
[url=https://www.bs2tsite3-io.com]блэк спрут ссылка[/url]
Le промокод в 1хбет на сегодня бесплатную ставку, vous offre la possibilite de beneficier d’un bonus de bienvenue de 200% sur votre premier depot en Afrique, au lieu du taux habituel de 100% (voire meme de 130% au lieu de 200% dans certains pays). Vous pouvez obtenir jusqu’a 130€ ou l’equivalent dans votre devise.
Профессиональный сервисный центр по ремонту фото техники от зеркальных до цифровых фотоаппаратов.
Мы предлагаем: ремонт фотокамер
Наши мастера оперативно устранят неисправности вашего устройства в сервисе или с выездом на дом!
I just like the helpful information you provide in your articles
There is definately a lot to find out about this subject. I like all the points you made
Nice post. I learn something totally new and challenging on websites
I truly appreciate your technique of writing a blog. I added it to my bookmark site list and will
naturally like your web site however you need to take a look at the spelling on several of your posts. A number of them are rife with spelling problems and I find it very bothersome to tell the truth on the other hand I will surely come again again.
I truly appreciate your technique of writing a blog. I added it to my bookmark site list and will
I do not even understand how I ended up here, but I assumed this publish used to be great
I like the efforts you have put in this, regards for all the great content.
thx
I very delighted to find this internet site on bing, just what I was searching for as well saved to fav
-Ding Ding Hot Pot Canggu Bali is ready to serve delicious hot pot with authentic sauce and fresh ingredients. The best place for a satisfying culinary experience!,visit here Hot Pot bali rekomended.
– Ding Ding Hot Pot Bali comes with authentic sauce and fresh ingredients that will tempt your taste buds! Suitable for eating with friends or family in Canggu,visit here Hot Pot bali rekomended.
kullanıcıların yaptığı diğer aramalara burdan hemen ulaşabilirsiniz. Yapılan hızlı arama ile hızlı sonuçlara sahip olun.
-Ding Ding Hot Pot Canggu serves authentic hot pot dishes with a variety of delicious sauces. The ideal place to enjoy delicious food in Bali,visit here Hot Pot bali rekomended.
Если вы искали где отремонтировать сломаную технику, обратите внимание – выездной ремонт бытовой техники в краснодаре
– Ding Ding Hot Pot Canggu presents a unique culinary experience in Bali! Choose fresh ingredients, dip them in delicious sauce, and enjoy the sensation of warm food that will pamper your taste buds,visit here Hot Pot bali rekomended.
I very delighted to find this internet site on bing, just what I was searching for as well saved to fav
Если вы искали где отремонтировать сломаную технику, обратите внимание – ремонт бытовой техники
Если вы искали где отремонтировать сломаную технику, обратите внимание – ремонт бытовой техники в краснодаре
Если вы искали где отремонтировать сломаную технику, обратите внимание – ремонт цифровой техники краснодар
– Enjoy an authentic hot pot dining experience at Ding Ding Hot Pot Canggu! A selection of fresh ingredients and delicious sauces are ready to welcome you to Bali,visit here Hot Pot bali rekomended.
Discover the world of excitement at Pin Up Casino, the world’s leading online casino. The official website Puk up offers more than 4,000 slot machines. Play online for real money or for free using the working link today
-Ding Ding Hot Pot Canggu Bali is ready to serve delicious hot pot with authentic sauce and fresh ingredients. The best place for a satisfying culinary experience!,visit here Hot Pot bali rekomended.
[url=https://gavicz.biz]http://gavicz.biz[/url]
last news about gavi
gavicz.biz
– Discover authentic deliciousness at Ding Ding Hot Pot Canggu! The perfect place to enjoy Chinese-style hot pot with rich sauce and choice meats,visit here Hot Pot bali rekomended.
– Ding Ding Hot Pot Bali comes with authentic sauce and fresh ingredients that will tempt your taste buds! Suitable for eating with friends or family in Canggu,visit here Hot Pot bali rekomended.
Thank you for great article. Hello Administ .Seo Paketi Skype: By_uMuT@KRaLBenim.Com -_- live:by_umut
Алкогольная зависимость представляет собой значимую медицинскую и социальную проблему, затрагивающую большое количество людей по всему миру. Одним из наиболее выраженных проявлений этой зависимости является запой, который характеризуется длительным и неконтролируемым потреблением алкоголя.
http://alko-konsultaciya.ru/chto-takoe-zapoj
After all, what a great site and informative posts, I will upload inbound link – bookmark this web site? Regards, Reader.Seo Paketi Skype: By_uMuT@KRaLBenim.Com -_- live:by_umut
Nice post. I learn something totally new and challenging on websites
Very well presented. Every quote was awesome and thanks for sharing the content. Keep sharing and keep motivating others.
Hello! I could have sworn I’ve been to this blog before but after browsing through some of the post I realized it’s new to me.Seo Paketi Skype: By_uMuT@KRaLBenim.Com -_- live:by_umut
Алкогольный абстинентный синдром (ААС) развивается через несколько часов после последнего потребления алкоголя и достигает пика через 24-48 часов. Он характеризуется разнообразными симптомами, включающими тремор, потливость, тахикардию, гипертензию, тошноту, рвоту, бессонницу и тревожность.
http://vyvod-iz-zapoya-19.ru
I appreciate you sharing this blog post. Thanks Again. Cool.
-Visit Ding Ding Hot Pot Canggu to experience the ultimate hot pot meal in Bali! Fresh ingredients and delicious sauce are ready to welcome you,visit here Hot Pot bali rekomended.
This is really interesting, You’re a very skilled blogger. I’ve joined your feed and look forward to seeking more of your magnificent post. Also, I’ve shared your site in my social networks!
naturally like your web site however you need to take a look at the spelling on several of your posts. A number of them are rife with spelling problems and I find it very bothersome to tell the truth on the other hand I will surely come again again.
Запой может возникнуть по разным причинам, включая стресс, психологические проблемы, социальные факторы и наличие сопутствующих заболеваний.
http://xn—-7sbbkgwmincnbet5u.xn--p1ai