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Konsten att sluta kriga

2018-04-07

(Personligt inlägg med avsaknad av resekaraktär. Scrolla vidare om du vill ha feelgood-läsning eller hotelltips. 🙂 )

soldier-1029162_1920
Vi är en brokig skara människor som samlas där på andra våningen i det gamla röda tegelhuset på Lasarettsgatan. Hade vi stött på varann ute på sta´n, mötts på en arbetsplats, hamnat tillsammans vid en middag eller en annan tillställning så hade vi nog aldrig hittat varann. Åtminstone inte som grupp. Antagligen inte som individer heller, annat än på ett ytligt plan. För det som förenar oss tio pratar man inte om.
Vi är väldigt olika men så otroligt lika på samma gång. Det negativa, svåra och jobbiga pratar vi inte om.
Smärtan. Det onda.
Det pratar vi inte om.

Bild: Pixabay.com
Det började nog helt olika men ändå ungefär likadant för oss alla, tror jag. Lite som en sticka i foten som på nå´t mystiskt vis trängt sig innanför kängan, genom strumpan, in i huden, gnagt sig fast och vägrar släppa taget. Sakta men säkert gör den sig mer och mer påmind. Jag får inte bort den, hur jag än försöker. En pyttig, liten sticka.
”Strunt i den, marschera på!”
Det har ju alltid funkat innan.
Fast det är svårt att hålla takten i ledet.
Alla andra verkar gå lite snabbare.
Det värker i foten.
Och jag visste inte ens att jag skulle ut i krig…?
En liten jävla sticka.
Den där lilla parentesen som inte borde få ta mer plats än som tunna streck nånstans i periferin av vad som är viktigt, tar sakta över mer och mer av min tid, mina tankar, mina känslor, mitt liv.
Hur ska jag få bort det onda?
Det är den enda tanken som blir viktig.
Ömmande, plågande tar smärtan utan pardon långsamt och infektiöst över min organism.
Kroppen jag bor i.
Jag tappar fart och haltar.
Nå´t är fel, det känner jag ju?
Det gör ont. Mer och mer ont.
Men jag pratar inte om det.
Just keep walking.
Det fortsatte nog på ett liknande vis för oss alla, tänker jag.
Det är lite som en halvt osynlig boja som sitter stenhårt fast om den infekterande foten med stickan i. En sorts blytung kätting vi behöver släpa runt på dag efter dag.
Ibland är den tyngre, ibland lättare.
Ibland syns den lite, ibland inte alls.
Vi är bra på att gömma den. Tror vi.
En dag var den bara där.
Var kom den ifrån?
Och hur får jag den att försvinna?
Vi vet inte. Du vet inte. Jag vet definitivt inte.
Men jag blir hemskt bra på att låtsas som att den inte finns.
Plötsligt hamnar vi i det iskalla, mörka vattnet och det blir djupt på en gång.
Vi kämpar för att till varje pris hålla huvudet ovanför vattenytan.
”Kämpa på då! Bit ihop! Hur svårt kan det va?!!” skriker Den Arga Inre Generalen så saliven sprutar och han blir alldeles röd i huvudet av frustration och ansträngning.
Men det är svårt, och det blir bara svårare och svårare ju längre vi trampat vatten.
Trampa. Trampa. Trampa.
Så många timmar, dagar, månader, år.
Foten sprängvärker och bojan är så tung – den drar ju ner oss!
Uthålligheten är en falnande skugga.
Ångesten gör sig påmind.
Paniken är ett faktum.
Men vi pratar inte om det.

Och nu trängs vi nog till slut i samma leriga skyttegrav, känner jag.
Vi har klumpats ihop vid vägs ände.
Vi undkom vattnet – men till vilken nytta?
Smärtan är ju kvar.
Nu finns den också där som en dyster, dyblöt, stickig, stinkande filt som kväver oss.
Och vi ligger liksom bara där helt uppgivet och stirrar och tynar bort, mitt i misären med vår infekterade fot, med vår enorma boja och den kvävande filten …och vi låter det hända.
Sakta men säkert låter vi det hända.
Alla ansträngningsförsök har liksom misslyckats på vägen.
Så vad finns kvar?
Vit flagg.
Vi ger upp.
Våra mål, våra liv – och allra värst: oss själva.
Men vi pratar inte om det.
Förrän nu.
På Smärtrehab i Lund: Händelsernas Epicentrum.
Där möts vi. Jag och resten av de nio smärtpatienterna som är så olika men ändå så lika. Vi ska vara i en grupp tillsammans i fem intensiva veckor, säger personalen.
Vi infinner oss i ledet, alla med viss skepsis. Jag är kanske mest skeptisk av alla. Så känns det i alla fall. Jag är inte bekväm med att prata om det bara. Så jag säger inget.
Redan efter första dagen ser jag likheterna. Kanske är vi inte så olika ändå? Nyfikenheten väcks…
Antagligen känner de andra ungefär likadant för nu, efter en vecka (eller fyra dagar för att vara exakt), är vi väldigt mycket en Grupp.
En stark Krigargrupp. Ett helt jävla kompani!
”Team Röd, med rätt att döda”
Ja, döda våra gamla krigsstrategier alltså.
Förnekelse hjälper inte. Att isolera sig hjälper inte. Att retirera hjälper inte. Att kriga hjälper absolut inte. Och den där vrålande arga generalen i våra huvuden ska fan avsättas, den idioten!
Jag vet att jag måste skrota alla vapen jag använt, för de hjälper mig bara i krig.
Och jag vill ha f r e d.
Vi är alla sargade, men fulla av lösningar på våra problem, även om lösningarna kanske varit kortsiktiga. Vi är tilltufsade av livet, men vi lever än, även om livet kanske inte fungerar optimalt.  Smärtan förenar oss, men det finns något annat med, något som är större, viktigare och mer ogreppbart än just smärtan i sig:
Det är förståelsen. Den ordlösa förståelsen. Ingen behöver förklara. Alla vet.
Det är gemenskapen. Jag är inte själv längre. För förutom hela min grupp finns det ett helt komplett professionellt team med eoner av erfarenhet och kunskap! De guidar oss och de vet vad de gör. Så vi litar på dem, alltihop. Och vi är inte ensamma längre.

Det är hoppet. För mitt där bland allt mörker, allt djup, all själslig död finns det ändå en strimma ljus som växer sig större och starkare.
En sak vet jag säkert.
Det är en konst att sluta kriga, speciellt när man inte visste att man krigade från första början. En svår insikt som bråkar och skaver inuti mig. Inuti oss.
Men det är nåt vi pratar om. <3

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5 006 reaktioner på ”Konsten att sluta kriga”

  1. Секреты долгосрочного эффекта: как Tundra улучшает вашу сексуальную жизнь
    Дескрипшен:
    Узнайте, как регулярное использование Tundra может повысить качество и длительность интимных отношений. Откройте для себя преимущества натуральных компонентов и что ожидать от этой уникальной добавки для улучшения потенции.
    средство для потенции тундра
    ================================================================================

    Секреты долгосрочного эффекта: как Tundra может улучшить вашу сексуальную жизнь
    Когда речь заходит о сексуальной жизни, многие мужчины и женщины стремятся к качеству и продолжительности интимных отношений. Однако в этом вопросе часто возникает множество вопросов. Как достичь желаемого результата? Какой продукт действительно работает? Один из ответов на эти вопросы — Tundra. Давайте рассмотрим, как регулярное использование Tundra может повлиять на вашу сексуальную жизнь и что вы можете ожидать от этого.
    Что такое Tundra?
    Tundra — это современная добавка, разработанная с использованием натуральных компонентов, которые помогают улучшить сексуальную функцию. Основные ингредиенты, такие как кора йохимбе и семена тыквы, имеют долгую историю использования в народной медицине для повышения либидо и улучшения эрекции. Но чем же именно отличается Tundra от традиционных средств?
    Современный подход к традиционным ингредиентам
    Tundra сочетает в себе лучшие практики традиционной медицины и современные научные исследования. Это означает, что вы получаете мощное средство, которое не только работает, но и безопасно для вашего здоровья. Продукт не содержит синтетических добавок и проходит строгий контроль качества, что делает его идеальным выбором для тех, кто ценит натуральность.
    Как Tundra влияет на сексуальную жизнь?
    Регулярное использование Tundra может оказать значительное влияние на вашу сексуальную жизнь. Давайте подробнее рассмотрим, как это происходит.
    1. Улучшение кровообращения
    Одним из основных эффектов Tundra является улучшение кровообращения. Это важно для достижения и поддержания эрекции. В исследованиях показано, что компоненты Tundra способствуют расширению кровеносных сосудов, что увеличивает приток крови к половым органам. Это значит, что вы сможете чувствовать себя увереннее и комфортнее в интимной обстановке.
    2. Повышение либидо
    Кора йохимбе, один из ключевых ингредиентов Tundra, известна своими свойствами повышения либидо. Если вы когда-либо чувствовали, что сексуальное влечение ослабло, Tundra может помочь вернуть эти ощущения. Регулярный прием добавки может повысить вашу сексуальную активность и желание, что, безусловно, положительно скажется на ваших отношениях.
    3. Долговременные результаты
    Многие мужчины замечают, что при регулярном использовании Tundra они не только чувствуют себя лучше в постели, но и отмечают общие улучшения в состоянии здоровья. Это может включать увеличение энергии, улучшение настроения и даже повышение уверенности в себе. Все это создает положительный эффект, который сказывается не только на интимной жизни, но и на общем качестве жизни.
    Что ожидать от Tundra?
    Важно понимать, что каждый организм индивидуален, и результаты могут варьироваться. Однако регулярное использование Tundra может привести к следующим эффектам:
    Улучшение качества эрекции: многие пользователи сообщают о более стойких и качественных эрекциях.
    Повышение либидо: вы можете заметить увеличение сексуального влечения и энергии.
    Улучшение общего самочувствия: благодаря витаминам и минералам в составе вы можете чувствовать себя более энергичным и жизнерадостным.
    Интерактивный элемент: ваше мнение
    Как вы относитесь к использованию добавок для улучшения сексуальной жизни? Проводите ли вы эксперименты с натуральными средствами? Поделитесь своим опытом в комментариях!
    Заключение
    Tundra — это не просто добавка для потенции; это ключ к улучшению вашей сексуальной жизни. С её помощью вы можете повысить качество и длительность интимных отношений, почувствовать себя увереннее и более удовлетворённо. Не забывайте, что важен не только сам продукт, но и ваше общее состояние здоровья. Здоровый образ жизни, правильное питание и регулярные физические нагрузки в сочетании с Tundra могут стать залогом успешной и насыщенной сексуальной жизни.

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    Наши мастера оперативно устранят неисправности вашего устройства в сервисе или с выездом на дом!

  12. 7 simple secrets to eating the Mediterranean way
    kra cc
    What if “diet” wasn’t a dirty word?

    During Suzy Karadsheh’s childhood in Port Said, Egypt, diet culture was nonexistent.

    “My parents emphasized joy at the table, rather than anything else,” Karadsheh said. “I grew up with Mediterranean lifestyle principles that celebrate eating with the seasons, eating mostly whole foods and above all else, sharing.”

    But when Karadsheh moved to the United States at age 16, she witnessed people doing detoxes or restricting certain food groups or ingredients. Surrounded by that narrative and an abundance of new foods in her college dining hall, she says she “gained the freshman 31 instead of the freshman 15.” When she returned home to Egypt that summer, “I eased back into eating the Mediterranean food that I grew up with. During the span of about two months, I shed all of that weight without thinking I was ever on a diet.”
    To help invite joy back to the table for others — and to keep her family’s culinary heritage alive for her two daughters (now 14 and 22) — Atlanta-based Karadsheh launched The Mediterranean Dish food blog 10 years ago. Quickly, her table started getting filled with more than just her friends and family.

    “I started receiving emails from folks whose doctors had prescribed the Mediterranean diet and were seeking approachable recipes,” Karadsheh said. The plant-based eating lifestyle, often rated the world’s best diet, can reduce the risk for diabetes, high cholesterol, dementia, memory loss and depression, according to research. What’s more, the meal plan has been linked to stronger bones, a healthier heart and longer life.

    Preparing meals the Mediterranean way, according to Karadsheh, can help you “eat well and live joyfully. To us, ‘diet’ doesn’t mean a list of ‘eat this’ and ‘don’t eat that.’” Instead of omission, Karadsheh focuses on abundance, asking herself, “what can I add to my life through this way of living? More whole foods, vegetables, grains, legumes? Naturally, when you add these good-for-you ingredients, you eat less of what’s not as health-promoting,” she told CNN.

  13. Automatic takeoffs are coming for passenger jets and they’re going to redraw the map of the sky
    kra cc

    In late 1965, at what’s now London Heathrow airport, a commercial flight coming from Paris made history by being the first to land automatically.

    The plane – A Trident 1C operated by BEA, which would later become British Airways – was equipped with a newly developed extension of the autopilot (a system to help guide the plane’s path without manual control) known as “autoland.”

    Today, automatic landing systems are installed on most commercial aircraft and improve the safety of landings in difficult weather or poor visibility.

    Now, nearly 60 years later, the world’s third largest aircraft manufacturer, Brazil’s Embraer, is introducing a similar technology, but for takeoffs.

    Called “E2 Enhanced Take Off System,” after the family of aircraft it’s designed for, the technology would not only improve safety by reducing pilot workload, but it would also improve range and takeoff weight, allowing the planes that use it to travel farther, according to Embraer.

    “The system is better than the pilots,” says Patrice London, principal performance engineer at Embraer, who has worked on the project for over a decade. ”That’s because it performs in the same way all the time. If you do 1,000 takeoffs, you will get 1,000 of exactly the same takeoff.”

    Embraer, London adds, has already started flight testing, with the aim to get it approved by aviation authorities in 2025, before introducing it from select airports.

  19. Automatic takeoffs are coming for passenger jets and they’re going to redraw the map of the sky
    kra8 cc

    In late 1965, at what’s now London Heathrow airport, a commercial flight coming from Paris made history by being the first to land automatically.

    The plane – A Trident 1C operated by BEA, which would later become British Airways – was equipped with a newly developed extension of the autopilot (a system to help guide the plane’s path without manual control) known as “autoland.”

    Today, automatic landing systems are installed on most commercial aircraft and improve the safety of landings in difficult weather or poor visibility.

    Now, nearly 60 years later, the world’s third largest aircraft manufacturer, Brazil’s Embraer, is introducing a similar technology, but for takeoffs.

    Called “E2 Enhanced Take Off System,” after the family of aircraft it’s designed for, the technology would not only improve safety by reducing pilot workload, but it would also improve range and takeoff weight, allowing the planes that use it to travel farther, according to Embraer.

    “The system is better than the pilots,” says Patrice London, principal performance engineer at Embraer, who has worked on the project for over a decade. ”That’s because it performs in the same way all the time. If you do 1,000 takeoffs, you will get 1,000 of exactly the same takeoff.”

    Embraer, London adds, has already started flight testing, with the aim to get it approved by aviation authorities in 2025, before introducing it from select airports.

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  22. 7 simple secrets to eating the Mediterranean way
    kraken darknet onion
    What if “diet” wasn’t a dirty word?

    During Suzy Karadsheh’s childhood in Port Said, Egypt, diet culture was nonexistent.

    “My parents emphasized joy at the table, rather than anything else,” Karadsheh said. “I grew up with Mediterranean lifestyle principles that celebrate eating with the seasons, eating mostly whole foods and above all else, sharing.”

    But when Karadsheh moved to the United States at age 16, she witnessed people doing detoxes or restricting certain food groups or ingredients. Surrounded by that narrative and an abundance of new foods in her college dining hall, she says she “gained the freshman 31 instead of the freshman 15.” When she returned home to Egypt that summer, “I eased back into eating the Mediterranean food that I grew up with. During the span of about two months, I shed all of that weight without thinking I was ever on a diet.”
    To help invite joy back to the table for others — and to keep her family’s culinary heritage alive for her two daughters (now 14 and 22) — Atlanta-based Karadsheh launched The Mediterranean Dish food blog 10 years ago. Quickly, her table started getting filled with more than just her friends and family.

    “I started receiving emails from folks whose doctors had prescribed the Mediterranean diet and were seeking approachable recipes,” Karadsheh said. The plant-based eating lifestyle, often rated the world’s best diet, can reduce the risk for diabetes, high cholesterol, dementia, memory loss and depression, according to research. What’s more, the meal plan has been linked to stronger bones, a healthier heart and longer life.

    Preparing meals the Mediterranean way, according to Karadsheh, can help you “eat well and live joyfully. To us, ‘diet’ doesn’t mean a list of ‘eat this’ and ‘don’t eat that.’” Instead of omission, Karadsheh focuses on abundance, asking herself, “what can I add to my life through this way of living? More whole foods, vegetables, grains, legumes? Naturally, when you add these good-for-you ingredients, you eat less of what’s not as health-promoting,” she told CNN.

  24. Sea robins are fish with ‘the wings of a bird and multiple legs like a crab’
    kra cc
    Some types of sea robins, a peculiar bottom-dwelling ocean fish, use taste bud-covered legs to sense and dig up prey along the seafloor, according to new research.

    Sea robins are so adept at rooting out prey as they walk along the ocean floor on their six leglike appendages that other fish follow them around in the hope of snagging some freshly uncovered prey themselves, said the authors of two new studies published Thursday in the journal Current Biology.

    David Kingsley, coauthor of both studies, first came across the fish in the summer of 2016 after giving a seminar at the Marine Biological Laboratory in Woods Hole, Massachusetts. Kingsley is the Rudy J. and Daphne Donohue Munzer Professor in the department of developmental biology at Stanford University’s School of Medicine.

    Before leaving to catch a flight, Kingsley stopped at a small public aquarium, where he spied sea robins and their delicate fins, which resemble the feathery wings of a bird, as well as leglike appendages.

    “The sea robins on display completely spun my head around because they had the body of a fish, the wings of a bird, and multiple legs like a crab,” Kingsley said in an email.
    “I’d never seen a fish that looked like it was made of body parts from many different types of animals.”
    Kingsley and his colleagues decided to study sea robins in a lab setting, uncovering a wealth of surprises, including the differences between sea robin species and the genetics responsible for their unusual traits, such as leglike fins that have evolved so that they largely function as sensory organs.

    The findings of the study team’s new research show how evolution leads to complex adaptations in specific environments, such as the ability of sea robins to be able to “taste” prey using their quickly scurrying and highly sensitive appendages.

  29. 7 simple secrets to eating the Mediterranean way
    кракен онион
    What if “diet” wasn’t a dirty word?

    During Suzy Karadsheh’s childhood in Port Said, Egypt, diet culture was nonexistent.

    “My parents emphasized joy at the table, rather than anything else,” Karadsheh said. “I grew up with Mediterranean lifestyle principles that celebrate eating with the seasons, eating mostly whole foods and above all else, sharing.”

    But when Karadsheh moved to the United States at age 16, she witnessed people doing detoxes or restricting certain food groups or ingredients. Surrounded by that narrative and an abundance of new foods in her college dining hall, she says she “gained the freshman 31 instead of the freshman 15.” When she returned home to Egypt that summer, “I eased back into eating the Mediterranean food that I grew up with. During the span of about two months, I shed all of that weight without thinking I was ever on a diet.”
    To help invite joy back to the table for others — and to keep her family’s culinary heritage alive for her two daughters (now 14 and 22) — Atlanta-based Karadsheh launched The Mediterranean Dish food blog 10 years ago. Quickly, her table started getting filled with more than just her friends and family.

    “I started receiving emails from folks whose doctors had prescribed the Mediterranean diet and were seeking approachable recipes,” Karadsheh said. The plant-based eating lifestyle, often rated the world’s best diet, can reduce the risk for diabetes, high cholesterol, dementia, memory loss and depression, according to research. What’s more, the meal plan has been linked to stronger bones, a healthier heart and longer life.

    Preparing meals the Mediterranean way, according to Karadsheh, can help you “eat well and live joyfully. To us, ‘diet’ doesn’t mean a list of ‘eat this’ and ‘don’t eat that.’” Instead of omission, Karadsheh focuses on abundance, asking herself, “what can I add to my life through this way of living? More whole foods, vegetables, grains, legumes? Naturally, when you add these good-for-you ingredients, you eat less of what’s not as health-promoting,” she told CNN.

  30. Sea robins are fish with ‘the wings of a bird and multiple legs like a crab’
    kra9.cc
    Some types of sea robins, a peculiar bottom-dwelling ocean fish, use taste bud-covered legs to sense and dig up prey along the seafloor, according to new research.

    Sea robins are so adept at rooting out prey as they walk along the ocean floor on their six leglike appendages that other fish follow them around in the hope of snagging some freshly uncovered prey themselves, said the authors of two new studies published Thursday in the journal Current Biology.

    David Kingsley, coauthor of both studies, first came across the fish in the summer of 2016 after giving a seminar at the Marine Biological Laboratory in Woods Hole, Massachusetts. Kingsley is the Rudy J. and Daphne Donohue Munzer Professor in the department of developmental biology at Stanford University’s School of Medicine.

    Before leaving to catch a flight, Kingsley stopped at a small public aquarium, where he spied sea robins and their delicate fins, which resemble the feathery wings of a bird, as well as leglike appendages.

    “The sea robins on display completely spun my head around because they had the body of a fish, the wings of a bird, and multiple legs like a crab,” Kingsley said in an email.
    “I’d never seen a fish that looked like it was made of body parts from many different types of animals.”
    Kingsley and his colleagues decided to study sea robins in a lab setting, uncovering a wealth of surprises, including the differences between sea robin species and the genetics responsible for their unusual traits, such as leglike fins that have evolved so that they largely function as sensory organs.

    The findings of the study team’s new research show how evolution leads to complex adaptations in specific environments, such as the ability of sea robins to be able to “taste” prey using their quickly scurrying and highly sensitive appendages.

  31. 7 simple secrets to eating the Mediterranean way
    kra cc
    What if “diet” wasn’t a dirty word?

    During Suzy Karadsheh’s childhood in Port Said, Egypt, diet culture was nonexistent.

    “My parents emphasized joy at the table, rather than anything else,” Karadsheh said. “I grew up with Mediterranean lifestyle principles that celebrate eating with the seasons, eating mostly whole foods and above all else, sharing.”

    But when Karadsheh moved to the United States at age 16, she witnessed people doing detoxes or restricting certain food groups or ingredients. Surrounded by that narrative and an abundance of new foods in her college dining hall, she says she “gained the freshman 31 instead of the freshman 15.” When she returned home to Egypt that summer, “I eased back into eating the Mediterranean food that I grew up with. During the span of about two months, I shed all of that weight without thinking I was ever on a diet.”
    To help invite joy back to the table for others — and to keep her family’s culinary heritage alive for her two daughters (now 14 and 22) — Atlanta-based Karadsheh launched The Mediterranean Dish food blog 10 years ago. Quickly, her table started getting filled with more than just her friends and family.

    “I started receiving emails from folks whose doctors had prescribed the Mediterranean diet and were seeking approachable recipes,” Karadsheh said. The plant-based eating lifestyle, often rated the world’s best diet, can reduce the risk for diabetes, high cholesterol, dementia, memory loss and depression, according to research. What’s more, the meal plan has been linked to stronger bones, a healthier heart and longer life.

    Preparing meals the Mediterranean way, according to Karadsheh, can help you “eat well and live joyfully. To us, ‘diet’ doesn’t mean a list of ‘eat this’ and ‘don’t eat that.’” Instead of omission, Karadsheh focuses on abundance, asking herself, “what can I add to my life through this way of living? More whole foods, vegetables, grains, legumes? Naturally, when you add these good-for-you ingredients, you eat less of what’s not as health-promoting,” she told CNN.

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  47. Отдел продаж группы компаний паритет вводит в заблуждение и обманывает при продаже квартир. Не рекомендую застройщика жк резиденция лайф тг -@dontcheatpeople

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