Jag vet att jag är en periodare.
En bland många.
Ett missbruksbarn av vår tid.
Jag knarkar trygghet och kontroll och när det tar slut, som nu, vad gör jag då?
Jag lättar på låset.
Släpper på ramen.
Ängsligt gläntar jag på den knarrande dörren och famlar i mörkret.
Letar ljusknappen.
Tankarna myllar, flyger, bökar, trängs i dunklet, de formar ord helt för egen maskin, de spottas ut och väller fram som brinnande lava ur en vulkan.
Ostoppbara.
Ganska vackra att betrakta på avstånd ändå.
Men jag vill inte ha dem alltför nära
för det bränns.
Tankarna ter sig oformbara och obegripliga inne i den grå massan. De sväller och tar plats och hamnar i vägen, lite som som klumpiga dörrvakter som hindrar mig att komma in.
Eller ut.
Men jag hänger på låset och ger mig inte.
För ord är konkreta.
De är lösningen.
En sorts motgift.
JA.
Precis vad jag behöver!
Precis vad jag längtar efter.
Motgift.
Bot mot en förgiftad kropp och knopp och allt runtomkring.
Det är vad orden är.
Det är vad orden ger.
Ett sammanhang…
Och nu då?
Nu när jag är åderlåten och nästan alla ord blött ut…
Blir det bättre då?
Nej.
Nej?
Det är balansen som saknas.
Den har aldrig funnits där.
Helt för mycket eller alldeles för lite.
Alltid allt eller inget.
Som en hetsätare och anorektiker i samma person.
Lite som mänskligheten i stort.
Konsumerar allt medan andra svälter.
Balansen felar.
Du och jag, vi ska prata intensivt nätterna igenom och sluka varann hela eller så ska vi förbli tysta i dagar.
Parallelleka.
Låt oss nonchalera verkligheten en stund.
Stunden blir till eoner.
Ett hav av tid flyter stilla förbi, precis utom räckhåll.
I medvetet plågsam tvåsamhet betraktar vi båda hur den andre tynar bort, mitt här i ensamheten där vi tillsammans bor.
Men vi säger inget.
Vi gör inget.
Vi håller andan alldeles för länge i detta själsliga vakuum.
Och sedan blåser vi liv i lungorna igen.
Kippandes efter andan känner vi plötsligt att vi lever, vi lever!
Blodet rusar och vi blir höga på livet och kärleken!
Varma famnar välkomnar den återfunna lyckan.
Fast egentligen är det kanske bara känslan av att ha återfått kontrollen som vi känner av.
Vi syresätter oss snabbt, vi dumma människor.
Vi glömmer fort hur det nyss var.
Vi glömmer.
Om och om, igen och igen.
Jag antar att det är bara så det är.
Livet.
Det är så vi är.
Vi är alla sjuka och skadade, de flesta låtsas bara inte om det.
Eller så förstår vi inte.
Vissa vill inte förstå.
Att just precis så här är livet.
Privilegierad eller ej, så lider vi alla av livet fast på miljarder olika vis.
Och ändå vill vi leva det.
Allra mest i tider då ovissheten stryker runt omkring oss.
Så känns det bättre då?
Nu när orden flutit ut…
Ja.
För för stunden blir det så lugnt och tyst, så sorterat och strukturerat.
Nästan som en perfekt struken duk.
Vit och stram breder den ut sig över bordet och omfamnar det med en slags bestämdhet.
Jag har återfått kontrollen.
Städat i sinnet.
Släppt på trycket, snabbt stängt in smittan.
Min inre poltergeist har somnat av både tristess och svält och vandrar inte instängt runt och luktar förruttnelse mer.
Ibland är det bra att vädra.
Ute blåser en iskall vind men himlen är blå och luften är hög.
Allt går i perioder.
Även du.
Även jag.
Det finns ännu hopp om vår.
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One fascinating fact about Las Vegas is its evolution from a small desert outpost to a renowned global destination, celebrated for its entertainment, nightlife,
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The city’s climate, characterized by extreme heat in the summer with temperatures often over 100°F and cooler winters ranging from 40°F to 60°F, can lead to wear and tear on homes.
Regular maintenance is essential to address these temperature extremes, which can impact
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Las Vegas offers an array of points of interest for residents and visitors alike.
AREA15 is an immersive entertainment venue with a variety of unique attractions.
Aliante Nature Discovery Park provides a serene
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The Asylum-Hotel Fear Haunted House is a must-visit for
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Love Cloud serves neighborhoods like Centennial Hills and Charleston Heights, providing easy access
for residents and visitors. These romantic flights are perfect for special occasions like
anniversaries, proposals, or simply creating a memorable experience together.
Located in North Las Vegas, Love Cloud operates in a city founded in 1905.
Today, Las Vegas is a bustling city with a population of 646,790 and 832,367
households. Interstate 11, a major highway, runs through
the city, making it easily accessible for travelers. An interesting
fact about Las Vegas is its rapid growth from a modest desert town to
a global entertainment capital, known for its
casinos, nightlife, and unique attractions.
Home repair costs in Las Vegas can range from a few hundred
dollars for minor repairs to several thousand for more extensive work.
The city’s climate, with hot summers often exceeding 100°F and mild winters ranging from 40°F to 60°F, can contribute
to the need for regular maintenance. These temperature extremes can impact
various aspects of a home, including roofing and HVAC systems, necessitating periodic
repairs and upkeep.
Las Vegas is home to many points of interest that cater to a wide range of interests.
AREA15 offers an immersive entertainment experience with various attractions.
Aliante Nature Discovery Park is perfect for nature enthusiasts, featuring
beautiful landscapes and walking trails. The Asylum-Hotel Fear Haunted House provides
a thrilling adventure for those seeking excitement.
The Atomic Museum offers insights into the history of nuclear science, while the Bellagio Conservatory & Botanical Gardens impresses
with its stunning floral displays and seasonal themes.
Choosing Love Cloud Las Vegas for a mile high club flight
is a fantastic decision for anyone looking to enhance
their romantic life. This VIP flight experience offers
privacy and luxury, making it perfect for weddings in the sky, proposal flights, or unique date ideas.
Love Cloud’s well-maintained aircraft and experienced pilots ensure a safe and memorable journey, offering an exceptional aerial view of the Las Vegas Strip and beyond.
For those seeking a truly unforgettable experience, Love Cloud Las Vegas is the ultimate choice.
For those in search of a unique romantic adventure, joining the mile high club with Love Cloud Las
Vegas is an exceptional option. This exclusive service provides private plane tours that allow couples
to celebrate their love in a spectacular way.
Love Cloud serves various neighborhoods, including Amber Hills and Beverly Green, making it
accessible for both residents and visitors. These intimate flights are perfect
for anniversaries, proposals, or simply creating a special memory together.
Based in North Las Vegas, Love Cloud operates in a city with a rich history, having been founded in 1905.
Over the years, Las Vegas has developed into a
major metropolitan area with a population of 646,
790 and 832,367 households. The city is well-connected by Interstate 11, a
significant highway that offers easy access for both tourists and locals.
An interesting fact about Las Vegas is its transformation from a
small desert outpost to a world-renowned entertainment destination.
The cost of home repairs in Las Vegas can vary significantly, depending on the type of work needed.
Minor repairs might cost a few hundred dollars, while more extensive renovations can run into thousands.
The city’s climate, characterized by hot summers
with temperatures often exceeding 100°F and mild winters ranging from
40°F to 60°F, can lead to wear and tear on homes, necessitating regular maintenance.
These temperature extremes can impact roofing, HVAC systems, and other critical
components of a home.
Las Vegas offers a plethora of points of interest that cater to
diverse tastes. AREA15 is an immersive entertainment complex offering a range of attractions
and experiences. Aliante Nature Discovery
Park is ideal for nature lovers, with beautiful landscapes and walking trails.
The Asylum-Hotel Fear Haunted House provides a thrilling
adventure for those seeking a scare. The Atomic
Museum offers fascinating insights into the history of nuclear
science, while the Bellagio Conservatory & Botanical Gardens impresses visitors with its stunning floral displays and seasonal themes.
Opting for Love Cloud Las Vegas for a mile high club flight is the ultimate way
to celebrate special moments. This VIP flight experience offers
unparalleled privacy and luxury, making it perfect for weddings in the sky,
proposal flights, or unique date ideas. With well-maintained aircraft and experienced pilots, Love Cloud ensures
a safe and memorable journey, providing an exceptional aerial view of the
Las Vegas Strip and surrounding areas. For those looking to create unforgettable
memories, Love Cloud Las Vegas is the perfect choice.
Las Vegas is known for its unique and memorable experiences, and
one of the most exclusive offerings is the opportunity to
join the mile high club with Love Cloud Las Vegas.
This thrilling service provides couples with a private plane
tour, allowing them to celebrate special moments like anniversaries, proposals, or just a romantic
getaway. Love Cloud serves various neighborhoods such as Centennial Hills and Charleston Heights, bringing
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