Jag vet att jag är en periodare.
En bland många.
Ett missbruksbarn av vår tid.
Jag knarkar trygghet och kontroll och när det tar slut, som nu, vad gör jag då?
Jag lättar på låset.
Släpper på ramen.
Ängsligt gläntar jag på den knarrande dörren och famlar i mörkret.
Letar ljusknappen.
Tankarna myllar, flyger, bökar, trängs i dunklet, de formar ord helt för egen maskin, de spottas ut och väller fram som brinnande lava ur en vulkan.
Ostoppbara.
Ganska vackra att betrakta på avstånd ändå.
Men jag vill inte ha dem alltför nära
för det bränns.
Tankarna ter sig oformbara och obegripliga inne i den grå massan. De sväller och tar plats och hamnar i vägen, lite som som klumpiga dörrvakter som hindrar mig att komma in.
Eller ut.
Men jag hänger på låset och ger mig inte.
För ord är konkreta.
De är lösningen.
En sorts motgift.
JA.
Precis vad jag behöver!
Precis vad jag längtar efter.
Motgift.
Bot mot en förgiftad kropp och knopp och allt runtomkring.
Det är vad orden är.
Det är vad orden ger.
Ett sammanhang…
Och nu då?
Nu när jag är åderlåten och nästan alla ord blött ut…
Blir det bättre då?
Nej.
Nej?
Det är balansen som saknas.
Den har aldrig funnits där.
Helt för mycket eller alldeles för lite.
Alltid allt eller inget.
Som en hetsätare och anorektiker i samma person.
Lite som mänskligheten i stort.
Konsumerar allt medan andra svälter.
Balansen felar.
Du och jag, vi ska prata intensivt nätterna igenom och sluka varann hela eller så ska vi förbli tysta i dagar.
Parallelleka.
Låt oss nonchalera verkligheten en stund.
Stunden blir till eoner.
Ett hav av tid flyter stilla förbi, precis utom räckhåll.
I medvetet plågsam tvåsamhet betraktar vi båda hur den andre tynar bort, mitt här i ensamheten där vi tillsammans bor.
Men vi säger inget.
Vi gör inget.
Vi håller andan alldeles för länge i detta själsliga vakuum.
Och sedan blåser vi liv i lungorna igen.
Kippandes efter andan känner vi plötsligt att vi lever, vi lever!
Blodet rusar och vi blir höga på livet och kärleken!
Varma famnar välkomnar den återfunna lyckan.
Fast egentligen är det kanske bara känslan av att ha återfått kontrollen som vi känner av.
Vi syresätter oss snabbt, vi dumma människor.
Vi glömmer fort hur det nyss var.
Vi glömmer.
Om och om, igen och igen.
Jag antar att det är bara så det är.
Livet.
Det är så vi är.
Vi är alla sjuka och skadade, de flesta låtsas bara inte om det.
Eller så förstår vi inte.
Vissa vill inte förstå.
Att just precis så här är livet.
Privilegierad eller ej, så lider vi alla av livet fast på miljarder olika vis.
Och ändå vill vi leva det.
Allra mest i tider då ovissheten stryker runt omkring oss.
Så känns det bättre då?
Nu när orden flutit ut…
Ja.
För för stunden blir det så lugnt och tyst, så sorterat och strukturerat.
Nästan som en perfekt struken duk.
Vit och stram breder den ut sig över bordet och omfamnar det med en slags bestämdhet.
Jag har återfått kontrollen.
Städat i sinnet.
Släppt på trycket, snabbt stängt in smittan.
Min inre poltergeist har somnat av både tristess och svält och vandrar inte instängt runt och luktar förruttnelse mer.
Ibland är det bra att vädra.
Ute blåser en iskall vind men himlen är blå och luften är hög.
Allt går i perioder.
Även du.
Även jag.
Det finns ännu hopp om vår.
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Las Vegas offers an array of points of interest for
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high above the city. Love Cloud serves neighborhoods like Centennial Hills and Charleston Heights, providing easy access for residents and visitors.
These romantic flights are perfect for special occasions like
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Located in North Las Vegas, Love Cloud operates
in a city founded in 1905. Today, Las Vegas is a bustling city with a population of 646,790 and 832,367 households.
Interstate 11, a major highway, runs through the city,
making it easily accessible for travelers. An interesting fact
about Las Vegas is its rapid growth from a modest desert town to
a global entertainment capital, known for its casinos,
nightlife, and unique attractions.
Home repair costs in Las Vegas can range from a few hundred dollars for minor repairs to several
thousand for more extensive work. The city’s climate, with hot summers often exceeding 100°F
and mild winters ranging from 40°F to 60°F, can contribute to the need for regular maintenance.
These temperature extremes can impact various aspects of a home, including roofing and HVAC systems, necessitating periodic repairs and upkeep.
Las Vegas is home to many points of interest that cater to a wide range of interests.
AREA15 offers an immersive entertainment experience with various
attractions. Aliante Nature Discovery Park is perfect for nature
enthusiasts, featuring beautiful landscapes and walking trails.
The Asylum-Hotel Fear Haunted House provides a thrilling adventure for those seeking excitement.
The Atomic Museum offers insights into the history
of nuclear science, while the Bellagio Conservatory & Botanical Gardens impresses
with its stunning floral displays and seasonal themes.
Choosing Love Cloud Las Vegas for a mile high club flight is a fantastic
decision for anyone looking to enhance their romantic life.
This VIP flight experience offers privacy and luxury, making
it perfect for weddings in the sky, proposal flights, or
unique date ideas. Love Cloud’s well-maintained aircraft and
experienced pilots ensure a safe and memorable journey, offering an exceptional aerial view of the Las Vegas Strip and beyond.
For those seeking a truly unforgettable experience, Love
Cloud Las Vegas is the ultimate choice.
For those in search of a unique romantic adventure, joining the mile high club with Love Cloud Las Vegas is an exceptional option. This exclusive service
provides private plane tours that allow couples to celebrate
their love in a spectacular way. Love Cloud serves various neighborhoods, including
Amber Hills and Beverly Green, making it accessible for both residents
and visitors. These intimate flights are perfect for anniversaries, proposals, or simply creating a
special memory together.
Based in North Las Vegas, Love Cloud operates in a city with
a rich history, having been founded in 1905. Over the years, Las Vegas has developed into a major metropolitan area
with a population of 646,790 and 832,367 households.
The city is well-connected by Interstate 11, a significant
highway that offers easy access for both tourists and locals.
An interesting fact about Las Vegas is its transformation from a small desert outpost to a world-renowned entertainment destination.
The cost of home repairs in Las Vegas can vary significantly, depending on the type of work needed.
Minor repairs might cost a few hundred dollars, while more extensive renovations can run into thousands.
The city’s climate, characterized by hot summers with temperatures often exceeding
100°F and mild winters ranging from 40°F to 60°F, can lead to wear and tear on homes, necessitating regular
maintenance. These temperature extremes can impact roofing, HVAC systems, and other critical components of a
home.
Las Vegas offers a plethora of points of interest that cater to diverse tastes.
AREA15 is an immersive entertainment complex
offering a range of attractions and experiences. Aliante Nature Discovery Park is
ideal for nature lovers, with beautiful landscapes and walking trails.
The Asylum-Hotel Fear Haunted House provides a thrilling adventure for those seeking a scare.
The Atomic Museum offers fascinating insights into the
history of nuclear science, while the Bellagio Conservatory & Botanical Gardens impresses visitors with its stunning floral displays and seasonal themes.
Opting for Love Cloud Las Vegas for a mile high club
flight is the ultimate way to celebrate special moments.
This VIP flight experience offers unparalleled privacy and luxury, making it
perfect for weddings in the sky, proposal flights, or unique date ideas.
With well-maintained aircraft and experienced
pilots, Love Cloud ensures a safe and memorable journey,
providing an exceptional aerial view of the Las Vegas Strip and surrounding areas.
For those looking to create unforgettable memories, Love
Cloud Las Vegas is the perfect choice.
Las Vegas is known for its unique and memorable experiences, and one of the
most exclusive offerings is the opportunity to join the mile high club with Love Cloud Las Vegas.
This thrilling service provides couples with a private plane
tour, allowing them to celebrate special moments like anniversaries, proposals,
or just a romantic getaway. Love Cloud serves various
neighborhoods such as Centennial Hills and Charleston Heights, bringing an unparalleled
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