— Kropp och knopp, Livet, olyckan, Tankar —

Utanpå och inuti

2014-06-14

Just nu är jag inne i nån underlig period av förnekelse, acceptans och nytänkande i ett enda virrvarr. Besöker flitigt både sjukgymnast och tandläkare i förhoppning om att snart se normal ut igen.
Eller jag har förstått att jag ser ganska normal ut.
Utåt.
– Shit vilka fina tänder du har fått! sa en bekant häromdagen och syftade på mina framtänder.
Ja, de befintliga tänderna så klart.
Fått? Jag är belönad med dem sedan födseln. Eller okej, överdrift: sedan 6-7-8 års ålder då. Det är ju allt det man inte ser som har försvunnit. 😉
Drog ut den elfe tanden för nån vecka sedan och en tolfte var möjligen dödsförklarad men ser ut att bita sig fast… Sedan finns det inte så många kvar att oroa sig över, och det är ju fint! 👍😃
Och ärren?
Ja, de finns där kort sagt, men gör inte så mycket väsen av sig. Dem bryr jag mig inte om nå’t speciellt. Fast Gud vad hemskt om man vore tonåring och råkade ut för det här! Hm. Nä, då är jag glad att jag är nästan 40 och inte direkt identitetssökande eller osäker som man var när man var ung och dum. 😃
Okej. Det ser alltså rätt normalt ut utanpå har jag insett. Så länge jag inte gapar, vill säga. Sjukgymnasten utsatte mig häromdagen för fler lustiga och stundom otrevliga stretchövningar. I munnen. (Jag tänker inte nämna var annars hon kan stretcha!) Plötsligt när jag ligger där på britsen med tre spretande gummihandskfingrar i min gapande mun, hörs ett garv.
– Hahaha!! Du skulle se hur du ser ut nu! Vilken min!
Och så härmade hon mig. Typ Mr Bean-fiskögon och uppspärrat gap a la rytande lejon utan ljud.
Och jag garvade!
Vilken härlig människa! 😃
– Jag gillar humor. Humor är roligt! som min vän Anders skulle ha sagt.
Sedan satte hon tre akupunkturnålar i nacken och sedan var hon inte alls lika underhållande längre. 😁
Aj.
Ännu en indikation på hur normal jag verkar se ut är att jag blev erbjuden en knäckemacka av min tandläkare härförleden. Han är en underhållande och humoristisk filur så först visste jag inte om han skojade….?
Det gjorde han inte.
Jag påminde försiktigt om att det blir lite svårt att tugga den. Typ. Blev snabbt erbjuden en halv semla istället. Fan vad jag längtar efter knäcke, popcorn, baguetter och allt annat som är segt eller krasar. Utom tänder mot asfalt då alltså, det blir en lite märklig bismak. 😝
Inuti däremot, är det allt annat än normalt. Är tankspridd, oroar mig lite ibland och har en märklig oordning på Hjärnkontoret och i känslolivet.
Mest av allt vill jag fly från känslan av att vara icke-komplett. Att sakna något – vare sig det är en ”riktig” kroppsdel eller tänder – är en högst obehaglig känsla. Ständigt närvarande påminner den om hur fel det egentligen är.
Inuti.
Jag har aldrig tänkt på det innan, hur det skulle vara att bli av med nåt. Som tänder, som ju är väldigt personligt. Det är väl ingen som går och funderar över det å andra sidan? Hur det skulle vara att en dag bli utan hår? Tappa synen på ett öga? Hörseln? Eller multipla tänder. Och tur är väl det, att man inte går och katastroftänker, annars hade man väl levt i någon form av konstant halvångest!
Status: utanpå och inuti är ändå relativt bra, för att sammanfatta allt. Solen, värmen och själva livet i sig gör sitt till. ☀️
Livet kunde kanske varit bättre.
Men även betydligt värre! ❤️20140614-202947-73787092.jpg

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